i need a new life…like now….

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If you can afford to quit job2 then quit it.  

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@AndysCraftsNmore:  Wow, stress!

I would talk to your FI. ESP if he wants you to be a “good house wife”. Tell him the hours issue and see his imput. 1. It will help him see how much of an asshat he was being from that comment, 2. if it is important for him for you to work less then he needs to see he needs to contribute more.

Post # 5
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

@AndysCraftsNmore:   Oh dear god, that is an insane schedule.  IDK how you do that.  But your FI definitely needs to pitch in with the housework, since you’re pretty much only home on Sundays. 

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I get that, but if he wants you to be stay at home, and ALSO wants you to contribute more, he is  not being realistic. I would have that type of conversation… what do we both want, what can we both afford, and what is more/less important… time or money

Post # 8
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

(( HUGS )) cause I can see where this is stressing you out.

For the record…

A Housewife is a FULL TIME JOB **…

It is traditionally done by someone that STAYS AT HOME… and manages all the aspects of completing EVERYTHING needed on the homefront… be that doing the chores or making arrangements to have them done

So Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry, Grocery Shopping etc… and hiring the guy to come round once a year to do Furnace Maintenance !!  (And the ones required to clean out the Gutters, Wash the Windows, and Sweep the Chimney)

Most Relationships today, don’t function this way… in most households now the Couple share the Household chores (and also the task of bringing in income on which to live on)

You obviously are doing MORE than your fair share in your Relationship.  Working 2 Jobs (I count here aprox 60 Hours of work for income) PLUS doing a lot of stuff on the homefront.

I am not sure what your Fiance is doing, but it doesn’t sound like it includes much on the homefront.  And that is wrong.  DEAD WRONG !!

And what I see to be MORE of the issue (and what is stressing you out) than the fact that Job # 2 wants you to work more hours

I’d sit him down and tell him the facts…

Either he chips in 50/50 (make a list of chores, divy them up and do them) OR he chips in more financially so you can hire someone to do the “jobs” that are currently going begging… and he has so smartly commented on

Sheeesh…

You guys need to work this out NOW

Pronto

As this problem isn’t about to go away.

It is a key element in living together… if you don’t solve it, it will only get BIGGER

And “Housework” / Chores are a major cause of Divorce so something not to be taken lightly.

Hope this helps (some)

(( HUGS ))

** NOTE – I had to put this info into this post because it makes me angry that in today’s world there is a backlash against women who are / were HOME MAKERS.  They have / had an important role to play in society, in that they MADE THE HOME a welcoming loving place for their families. And that IS A JOB.  It is the job that my Mother, Grandmother, and all the women before them had.  It was a meaningful valueable job.  It still is.  Because if someone doesn’t step in and fill the void, the work doesn’t go away… it still needs to be done.  Period.

 

Post # 9
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

It makes me angry that you are working 7-10:30 and he thinks you are not contributing to the relationship. Just because you do not make as much as he does doesn’t mean you’re not contributing! You are working your ass off to contribute. One week of that schedule and I would have a breakdown. You need to have a serious talk with him about his expectations and what’s actually realistic. 

Post # 10
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@AndysCraftsNmore:  Yikes! Is your FI sexist much?  You’re right, housewives stay HOME they don’t work 2 jobs 24/7!  That being said, I used to work 2 jobs like you and FI (then BF) also hated it, but he kept his mouth shut because he couldn’t afford to let me quit one or both of them and pick up the slack.  Does your FI understand that you’re using the money from one of those jobs to put toward the wedding? Do you plan to quit a month or so before the wedding?

Given the change in circumstances I do think you should quit the job that’s asking you to work an 8-hour shift.  You could get a seasonal job in pretty much any dept. store and if you are a good enough worker they may keep you on after the season ends!

Post # 11
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Your FI sounds like he’s being a bit of an a**hole to be honest. He wants you to both earn plenty of money and also be a housewife. Well he can’t have both and he needs to realise that. And the whole notion of housework being a woman’s job is Sexist twaddle. If you are both working, especially if youre doing more hours than him, then he needs to contribute. I’d be having serious doubts about my relationship if my FI acted like that. 

Post # 12
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

@AndysCraftsNmore:  It worries me that you feel like a burden, and that your FI doesn’t want to pitch in more for the wedding.  🙁  You guys are supposed to be a team and help each other out. 

Post # 15
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@AndysCraftsNmore:  Wow.  Your FI makes some pretty s#itty comments.  Are you sure you want to marry someone that would rather you work two jobs and never be home so you can pay your half of the bills AND THEN have the audacity to call you out for not doing housework on top of that.

I would tell him if he wants me to act like a housewife then he should let me quit my job and stay home to be a housewife so he can support me like a proper husband.  Hello 1950s…we have a time traveler we would like to send back to your era.

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