Post # 1
First off, this is my first post and not sure the appropriate place ti post it. I have lurked on here off and on, but decided to make an account and participate. I apologize in advance that this isn’t happy, but more I am in desperate need of advice.
Let me preface this with my venue includes catering, cake, and day-of-coordinators. So, I never really had to worry about that. (Yay!) I ordered my dress in April and yesterday sent out my invitations. I booked the videographer, music, officiant, makeup artist, photographer, and will mail their checks out this week for the rest of the payments…it wasn’t stressful, was it supposed to be? Can someone tell me why, two months in, I am not stressed or seem to not care? I love my FH, but I feel so detached to the wedding.
I never really had a mother in my life and unfortunately I have a very cold and uninvolved fMIL. I have sisters who are supportive and a few female friends, but none that I’d say that are into it.
I look at all these creative ideas and I have no idea how to implement them. I’m daunting booking the florist because of the cost.
I guess, I find this whole experience to be misrable, or trying to understand why I am not stressed out…and I have no idea what to do next. I have about two months, what should I be focusing on, I really need some sort of guidance. I wish I could be happy, and maybe somebody here could give me pointers or guidance on a project or something to focus on with the wedding.
Thanks for listing…all the love!
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by bluefrog.
Post # 2
bluefrog: Welcome! just because you are not stressed out doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. We all have different coping skills. Not all brides fall apart at the seams and agonize over the color of a rehearsal dinner dress or how they are going to look great at a surprise shower.
You weren’t brought up with a vision of a fairytale weddding and that also is not a bad thing.
Are you working from a checklist? That can be amazingly helpful to keep on track.
Is there anything in specific that we can help with? Do you have a color palette or a theme? What ideas do you need help implementing?
Post # 3
First things first, welcome to Weddingbee!
If dealing with the vendors and getting the dress was not stressful, I’d say that’s a good thing. Stress may be normal in wedding planning, but it isn’t mandatory. If someone can manage to get all of those tasks done without much or any trouble, that’s a good thing.
You say that you’re miserable. Are you miserable just because you don’t have enthusiastic people around you and you’re a little confused about the process, or is it possible that the source of your misery and disinterest is actually something else? For example, are you having the kind of wedding that you actually want?
Tell us more about what kind of wedding you want, what kind of wedding you’re planning, and what kind of projects you have in mind. We’ll be able to provide better help with more details.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant
First, congrats and welcome to the bee! Be happy and thankful you are not stressed! Wedding planning is supposed to be a fun easy process not a stressful one. I was very stressed about finances at one point and it was starting to ruin the magic of what the day was for me. As for aupport, thats what wedding bee is here for! My mom is so uninterested in my wedding and it hurt my feelings for awhile. I just had to learn to get over that part of it. As for your your wedding, is this what you wanted? A big wedding with family and the works? If this is truly not what you want that might be why you are so unhappy.
Post # 5
Sorry on the delayed response, my internet has been iffy!
I am responding from my phone so I am not sure how to tag.
@rhopalocera – I am miserable for both reasons. I think because I lack a mother figure (I am realizing this out about myself as I constantly analyze this situation), and am having a horrific experience/s with my future MIL it’s ruining me. I’ll be honest, I am not strong in this area. My fiancee is on my “side” 100%, but it doesn’t stop her. For example, my future MIL emailed me saying she will not be throwing a rehearsal dinner, but will be throwing a brunch the next day at 8:30 AM (more like breakfast) at a restaurant she knows I do not like and said ALL guests are invited followes by “me and my family are invited.” She will not recognize us as a couple. She isn’t happy and I am staying strong to be happy for us as a couple and the loved ones that love us and support us. It’s rough. I am also miserable because I do not “enjoy” the process or can’t find what to enjoy and that probably resonates onto other people. Wow. Sorry for that rant.
My wedding is around 100 guests, we’re having a laid back jewish ceremony, and then the reception. My fiancee is a music arranger/composer so all our music will be music from shows l, movies, and songs we like, but for unique ensembles, strings, wind, brass, and percussion. We’re also having a friend’s band play original music. We’re not exactly the dancing type, but I am sure people will be…I’ll see how that goes. Oh, the theme is woodland/rustic if I could put a theme to it. I want to have a table for the guestbook, maybe a memorial type table, and gift table..obviously can combine these. Have any ideas on how to decorate them? It’s hard to articulate this via the phone, but once the internet is running I will get in more detail
@nanikoa – I am glad I am not the only one with mother issues!!!
@julies1949 – thanks also for your insight 🙂
Post # 6
You said that you’re having a Jewish ceremony. Are you not Jewish?
If you aren’t Jewish, then I understand why you’re FMIL isn’t recognizing you and your fiancée as a couple. That doesn’t excuse all of her behavior if she’s been unjustifiably rude or nasty, but I understand why she’s doing things the way she is.
Are you in contact with your FMIL a lot? Do you do most of the communication with her when it comes to the wedding? If you are, that needs to stop. Your fiancée needs to deal with his mother. You talking to her will not help things.
Post # 7
No, I am Jewish, we both are. Our contact is minimal, but when we have it, it hits strong. I do not stress or try to communicate with her, if we do, it’s sending a thank you card or an email, but I now have delegated that to my fiancee. We are working together at eliminating these problems, this is the first he has dealt with his mother like this and he explicitly told me I will always, no matter what, come first. It’s more of a transition for him, I guess, but it’s a smooth one.