Post # 1
So BIL’s daughter is an absolute nightmare. She’s 10 years old and they have raised her to believe she is holier-than-everyone. She has said extremely rude things to Dh and I infront of her parents, and they do not correct her. Instead they tend to laugh and encourage the rude comments. She has terrible manners, chomps on her food, talks over everyone, cries if she doesn’t get her way, etc.
This past weekend MIL told us something that happened to her last Thursday. Her son’s (my BIL) wife’s mother (sorry if that’s confusing) is the office manager at MIL’s gynecologist. BIL’s wife is finishing medical assisting school and started “working” at the same office to finish her certificate. MIL feels very uncomfortable having these family members work at the office and has contemplated switching doctor’s even though it’s the same Dr. that delivered her children 30+ years ago. She said she purposely schedules her appts. when the mother isn’t working.
Anyways, apparently the Dr. was out of town last week and they weren’t seeing patients. My neice was sick on Thursday so BIL’s wife took her to the Dr.’s office with her to “work.” That evening, everyone was at BIL’s house and apparently the neice yells outloud in front of everyone, “Hey Mamaw, I read your file today while I was working with mommy!” And no one said a word. The mother didn’t deny it, didn’t apologize, she stayed silent. Apparently MIL was so embarrassed she didn’t even say anything herself. She just excused herself and went home.
I feel so terribly bad for her. Not only was it illegal for BIL’s wife to go through, and also let her 10 year old daughter go through, patient’s files, it’s a HUGE invasion of privacy! I love my MIL very much and she’s such a sweet, kind person and she doesn’t deserve to be embarassed in front of her family and no one take up for her.
DH is extremely pissed off too. He’s had enough of his neice acting this way and no one stopping her. He wants to call the Dr.’s office and let him know what goes on while he is out of town, but MIL doesn’t want him to.
We aren’t sure what to do, but we have to take the neice with us and MIL to visit family during Thanksgiving and we are not looking forward to it at all.
Post # 2
I should add that I feel as if it’s not my place to say anything, and DH and I know it’s not his neice’s fault. Her mother should not have let her read the file (and honestly, a 10 year old is not going to understand all of the medical terms and meanings.)
Post # 3
But you can call the niece out on her poor behavior. Especially if the parents aren’t doing anything. She will learn not to treat you with disrespect if you do not allow her to get away with it.
As for as your MIL, unless she is willing to tell the DR that her files are being gone through, there isn’t much you can do without causing a major blow out. I’m assuming that the SIL was silent during this exchange because she knew she was in the wrong and could potentially lose her job.
Post # 4
“He’s had enough of his neice acting this way and no one stopping her” — Sorry, but this one is 100% on the kid’s mom. I would report this. I’m sure you could do it anonymously, and if they “suspect” that it was you, so what. That’s a horrible violation and who knows who else she’s doing it to?
“we have to take the neice with us” — No you don’t. Saying “no” to family is hard at first, but it gets easier and easier every time. Pretty soon, you’re wondering “what was wrong with me before, doing all that crazy shizz for all these crazy people?”
Post # 5
I would have already called the doctor’s office. Absolutely. That is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form. The SIL and the SIL’s mother should both lose their jobs. I’m assuming the office mananger had some involvment in this.
Post # 6
This is a cop out answer, but I think your DH should do what he feels is right. Having someone go through files could get the doctor into serious trouble, and I can understand the temptation to phone the doctor, perhaps anonymously. Needless to say, there’s no point phoning the office manager (SIL’s mother). But I can also understand the feeling to stay out of it.
Post # 7
She said she read their cousin’s file as well. As someone with a nursing degree I could NOT believe what I was hearing! I am going to talk to DH and see what he thinks, because he told his mom if she doesn’t call and report it, he will.
As for the bad behavior, it’s so hard for me to say something to her in front of her parents. DH has yelled at her multiple times and it does no good when her parents laugh at it. Oh and the crazy thing is, BIL is a cop! You’d think he would have a “no bullshit” punishment policy in place!
Post # 8
You absolutely need to call the doctor’s office. This is ridiculous.
Post # 9
Who do we ask for when we call? SIL’s mother is the office manager.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
I would file a HIPAA complaint. Not OK. Soooooo not OK.
Post # 11
amandajane4949: I’m glad you posted this! I just showed DH we can do it electronically and he is all for it. Thank you!
Post # 12
If everyone has had enough, then everyone needs to start calling the niece on it in front of the parents if they won’t step up. If the parents get tired of hearing others reprimand their child, maybe they’ll take it more seriously. If they don’t, well there isn’t much hope.
When she said,”“Hey Mamaw, I read your file today while I was working with mommy!” I would have said “That’s too bad. Those records are private and none of your business, your mother could get fired for allowing that.”
I would call the doctor and let them know what’s happening. It sounds like MIL doesnt want to get the doctor in trouble, but the next patient may not be so considerate. He needs to know so that he has a chance to correct the problem behavior.
I would also not take the neice to visit for Thanksgiving. Tell the parents she’s too difficult and disrespectful, we’re not going to spend our day dealing with her behavior. If the niece actually has some consequences maybe she’ll decide to become more civilized.
Post # 13
If you like the doctor (just not his staff – your relatives) – I would try to just discuss it with him specifically first rather than file an official complaint. Large fines can be assessed, and you might want to give him a chance to correct the staff problem first before taking it official. If you don’t get the sense he’s taking it seriously, then I’d by all means go official. I’d try to catch him through an answering service after hours since if you call the office the relatives may not let you through or may not leave a message. You can even tell the service (or the call doc who is covering) that you must speak directly to him regarding concern over a HIPAA violation that needs resolution. He’ll call back.
Post # 14
BakerBee16: that is horrible. Whilst I know my gut instinct would be to report it I think it is wise to stop and think about the ramifications of doing so. Is it possible that SIL would stop you MIL from seeing the grandchild? How would MIL feel about that?
I think if anyone needs to do something about the medical records issues then it’s your MIL. It should be her decision to report it.
As for the grandchild, I agree with other posters. Call her on her shit but only when she does something directly to you or you witness her doing it to someone else. Do not intervene if she is just throwing a no real reason tantrum because whilst tantrums are annoying it is up to her parents how they discipline that. But as I said if she makes direct comments towards people then it is on for young and old.
If your MIL decides not to take it further do you know a police officer? My cousin is a cop and if this was my niece I would get him to get one of his colleagues to come over and talk to her about how illegal it was. Give her a right good scare.
Post # 15
j_jaye: Her father is a police officer. That’s the irony in this whole situation.