Post # 1
Okay. So my darling fiance’ has very tight fisted parents. Not because they need to be (they have a great deal of money) they just are. Seriously, their idea of “going out to dinner” is splitting a two side combo from the chinese place in a mall food court. I wish I was making that up…anyway. When we got engaged we had asked, respectfully, if there was anything that they could help pay for…they asked what groom’s parents traditionally pay for. The only things we could come up with were the flowers and rehearsal dinner. They agreed and have been hounding us to pick a restaurant for the rehearsal dinner ever since. But they haven’t said anything about flowers.
So we finally asked what they’d be willing to pay for in regard to the flowers…they said based on my future-sis-in-law’s wedding (which was in 2004) they said that they’d pay what they paid for her flowers. Which was $300 – $350. She only had Gerbera daisies (six per bridesmaid) and no flowers at the reception. Which is fine if that’s what she wanted…but I already know from future-sis-in-law, that their mom planned the majority of her wedding. Sort of ‘my money, my decision’ sort of woman. Because of price inflation, they’d tack on an extra $50 for our flowers. So our flower budget is between $350 – $400. Now that’s nice and everything that they’re being “so generous” to give us that much. I can’t stress enough that you should see how tight fisted they are. But I have to rant for a second fellow bees…those are the ONLY two things we asked for them to pay for and they’re totally trying to do it on the cheap, for no reason! I could understand if they didn’t have money, but his Dad alone makes over six figures and all of their property is paid off and they don’t have a single debt to speak of. I know all of this because his mother is quite pious and tells everyone how well off they are financially.
My fiance’ and I are paying for the vast majority of everything else, my parents are doing as much as they can. And we’re trying to do everything (I mean, EVERYTHING) way under 10K. I’m just very frustrated and hurt because my fiance’ is their only son, I would have thought they would be more excited and willing to help with the wedding, but they’re coming across like they don’t want to waste (or spend) any money. Sorry for the rant, but I’m sure you can see my frustration. We already know they’re not getting us a wedding present. His Dad offered to make us a piece of furniture…that’s the gift. We live in a tiny apartment right now, so we have no room for more furniture, so essentially we’re getting nothing from them. Meanwhile we’re living hand to mouth (neither of us make much) to pay for certain things and I know my parents are doing what they can to give us a few grand.
So if anyone has any creative advice or suggestions for a florist, I’m all ears! Thanks for reading, sorry again, for my rant!
Post # 3
Are you lookign for suggestions on what to do with your budget, or are you complaining about their offer?
I really don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t think you can really be mad at them for setting a lower budget off the bat than you’d like. It’d be one thing if they promised a lot more and then cut back or something, but they really don’t have an obligation to pay for a thing. They don’t owe you just because they make a lot of money.
If I were in your position, I’d gratefully accept whatever they offered, and supplement it myself if it wasn’t enough.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear about that! I know how it feels to have to foot the bill on a lot of the wedding stuff (my fiance and I are covering a pretty big amount of stuff ourselves too). One thing that I would suggest is possibly looking around in your area and seeing if there are any flower farms. If there are, you could potentially pick out which flowers you would like from the farm and DIY your reception flower arrangements and maybe buy bouquets and boutineers (or DIY with those as well). If you do them yourself, you may just end up being able to get a lot more flowers than you would with going through a traditional florist. If there is not a flower farm, you could always purchase flowers in bulk online as well. I’ve heard some people talk about Sam’s Club or Costco. I think they both sell bulk flowers that are fairly nice. Just a suggestion! I know DIY is not for everyone (especially when it comes to flowers) but maybe that could work for you. Good luck!
Post # 5
I understand your frustration, but try not take it out on your FILs. You don’t know where their money goes; for all you know they could be giving to multiple charities, contributing to trust funds for your future children, saving up for an upcoming investment or early retirement, or socking cash away for a really rainy day.
Are artificial flowers an option? You can get gorgeous flowers on the cheap this way (sales all the time at craft stores), and especially for arrangements that are several feet away from guests, no one will know the difference.
Post # 6
I don’t mean to sound snarky, but the only people required to help pay for our weddings are ourselves. If people offer, that’s great, and we should be gracious in accepting (or declining) their help.
About cheap flowers – we’re going to a local farm a day or two before the wedding. My best friend has offered to help pay for/design the flowers, and we already have an idea based on what she did a few years ago for another friend’s wedding. Yes, that means I won’t have total control of what we get, but my guess is lots of daisies and sunflowers, which will go in blue mason jars with already-collected seaglass at the bottom. The bridal and bridesmaid bouquets will be tied with a ribbon that approximately matches the color of the mason jars.
Post # 7
I am a little horrified that you would even ask them to help you pay for anything.To get engaged and ask, outirght, if there is anything they can pay for in your wedding?? I am appalled. That is rude, and this entire post makes you look entitled. Statements like “They have a great deal of money” or when you imply that $400 isn’t good enough. Sorry, but they don’t owe you guys a thing. If they choose to be “tight fisted” with THEIR own cash, they have every right to.
Post # 8
Sorry you feel this way. I don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t understand couples’ expectations of someone else paying or helping pay for their wedding. I understand that it’s tradition for parents to help out, but I feel like if a couple wants to get married how is that anyone else’s problem? Honestly, I think it’s rude to ask people what they can contribute to your wedding. I really son’t understand that and I come from an “ask people to pay for evrything” background.
That being said, if someone gets word that we’re planning a wedding and they decide to contact me or FI about contributing then I’m all for it, especially since we too are trying to do everything for way less than 10k and in Los Angeles! But i would not ask anyone to help, not even my parents.
Post # 9
I was able to get flowers in that budget range for 11 tables & small amount for ceremony without doing daisies. I recommend finding a wholesale flower provider (or some florists will let you order in bulk) but you’d have to be willing to do the decorating. Also you could try a local whole foods or trader joe’s. Also there are really beautiful boquets for $100 dollars or less. I chose hydrangeas, garden roses, rununculus… hopefully you can find some options in your budget!
Post # 10
Well if you have $400 for flowers ONLY (no money coming from yourself or others), I’d start by asking yourself what’s more important of these two: fancy bouquets and boutonnieres OR floral centerpieces. I’d find a professional that would do the one thing you find most important for $400. (And remember, you only have to do fancy centerpieces for half the tables, you can use candles and single buds in vases for the other half…)
Which ever of the two is not as important you can do yourself. You can Google ideas for inexpensive ways to do ANYTHING.
Post # 11
@koveline – I’m looking for suggestions with that budget and complaining. LOL
I understand exactly what you’re saying, it’s pretty much what my MOH told me. My fiancé and I more or less expected this from his parents. I know they don’t have any obligation, I just thought they’d be a little bit more reasonable with the “inflation” thing because let’s be honest, the inflation of the wedding industry (heck, the economy) as a whole since 2004 has increased by a bit more than $50. I don’t want to sound ungrateful (though I’m sure I come across that way) because I’ll take what we can get since we’re paying for a lot ourselves and cutting corners all over the place on costs. I just thought after talking with his mom about flowers before about what I like/want that she’d understand it will cost more than daisies. Which are perfectly lovely, just not what we want for our fall wedding. I do appreciate your feedback though!! My fiancé and I talked about it, he knows his parents better than I do. We’re going to thank them for what they have to offer and pay the rest ourselves.
Thanks to everyone for tfar lower farm suggestion!! I never thought of that, I’ll have to look around. I got suggestions for a place from a coworker too, so that’s another idea. I’m open to look atartificial flowers for some stuff and I guess we don’t need flowers at the reception, I guess we all just have big wedding dreams you know??
To be clear, I misspoke, we did NOT ask/require anyone to pay for anything for our wedding. We planned originally to pay for everything ourselves. His parents offered “is there anything we can help out with” and we suggested flowers and rehearsal dinner by word of mouth that those are traditional things that grooms parents pay for. That’s all. I don’t feel entitled at all. I’ve paid for pretty much everything i have in life. It would just be nice is all. They have every right to be tight fisted with their money, it’s theirs, I’m just a little frustrated.
I’m open to more flower suggestions please!!
Post # 12
Oh and if you are feeling adventurous, you can buy flowers online or from a Costco/Sam’s type of place and do lots of your own stuff…
Post # 13
@beau_love & Jody23: thank you for the suggestions! Trader Joe’s has really great flowers, I’ll have to check with them this weekend! GREAT suggestions, I appreciate the support!
Post # 14
People who have plenty of money keep plenty of money by being frugal. You sound like a jerk when you call the “oh so generous” people who are actually quite generous “tight-fisted.”
That said: sams.com You can buy flowers there on the cheap.
Post # 15
@LoveGator2012: Do you have a Whole Foods near you? They have great prices as well. I got myy bouquets there. Mine + 3 bms were $200. I got my center pieces from a local farmers market, at $30 each.
@missrobots, I completely agree!!! I hate when people talk about others who have money as being tight fisted and cheap and should just spend more b/c they have more. They didnt get all that by just spending it, and just because you get to a level where you can spend it, doesnt mean you’re going to just do it and that the value of the money is less and to just carelessly be tossed around.
Post # 16
I cannot reply to this post without being rude…..Here it goes! They do not owe you or your FI ANYTHING. Like the other bees said it was rude for you to ask them what they would pay for and on top of that you are complaining that they are not spending as much as you would like to spend. OH wait there was also the comment you said about not getting a wedding gift. Sorry but you are not entitled to anything.
If they are well to do is probably because they are penny pinchers. They worked hard and made sacrifices to ensure they would be okay. I know many people that make over six figures and are living from paycheck to paycheck. If she tells people that they are well of it’s because she is proud of what they have done together.
I would suggest DIY flowers. That would be more than enough if you purchased the flowers from Sams or Costco. If that is not an option you could work some overtime or get a second job to pay for the flowers you want.
It can be done because I am a student and working full time and I still work overtime to pay for our wedding.