Weddingbee boards

I had the same type of situation and I called him and told him. I felt I owed it to him, and if you guys still have some communication, that's probably how I view your situation too. He deserves to hear it from you and not someone else. It's going to be hard and it's not going to be fun in the least. You're going to hang up the phone several times before making the call, but ultimately you need to remember that you both are better off with the ones you're with now. It's not fair to your FI that you're keeping the engagement a secret because your ex doesn't know yet.

Basically you just call him, not at work, when he's not at work and say "I need to tell you that "FI's name" and I are very serious and he proposed, and I said yes." You don't need to go into details, even if he asks. You don't need to tell him a set date because he may be just asking out of shocked niceness. It doesn't have to be a long conversation and you DO NOT have to feel guilty about making this call. Trust me, I had those feelings too, and then the rational side of me kicked in and said "why are you feeling guilty for being happy? He's with someone too!" and that helped.  

Good luck!!

email him.

As others have said, if you do it in person it will bring drama. In this day and age, email is not impersonal. If it bothers him enough, then he will call you and you can continue the discussion. But I think email is safest and this way you tell him in the most thoughtful written way possible as opposed to over the phone where things could be said wrong out of awkwardness or what have you.

email...if that's how you guys communicate the most...do that. emails are only impersonal when you never email that person and out of the blue you drop the bomb...

You just got engaged, I'm assuming you're happy about it so you should be shouting it from the rooftops!  You shouldn't be agonizing over how to tell your ex and limiting the people you tell because of it.

Yes, you were w/ the ex for 6 years, and only apart for a year and you're already engaged.  Everyone always says it's all about timing.  You were 7 years younger when you met your ex, maturity allows us to make decisions more quickly.  You don't have to be w/ your current boyfriend for longer than your ex to make it legitimate.

You don't talk on the phone now, so making a point of calling only gives him the satisfaction that he's still important to you.  Just email him or IM him to let him know that you wanted him to hear it from you.  That should be enough. 

You are with someone new now that you're about to spend the rest of your life with.  That should be your first and biggest priority.

Thanks for the props, Cyd.  That's what's great about the Bee, it's really easy to relate!

We've all been there and also know what it's like when we're "one-upped" when the ex calls or you run into him with his new chick!  Its understandable that you're trying to be considerate since he played such a big role in your life.

But men don't think like we do.  I doubt he'd think to call you, if the roles were reversed, because men aren't impacted by that stuff like we are.

It sounds like you have an awesome FH who was smart enough to know he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you within a year.  That's pretty great, and you obviously feel the same since you said, "yes."  I know that FH said he agreed you should tell the ex personally, but would you feel the same if he felt like he should tell his ex personally? 

Probably not because you wouldn't want him to validate to his ex that she is still important enough to warrant any consideration and that she's still top of mind. 

Your husband should be the person that you put above all others in every situation, and it should start with this one.  Make him feel like he's the most important person in your life, and that your ex truly doesn't mean anything to you anymore.

I TOTALLYYYYYYYYYY understand what you are going through, I have a similar situation and guess why it is difficult...it is an unhealthy attachment and maybe you are not ready to get married.  (that is what my shrink said)  Either send him an announcement or an email and I would say, since you are such a dear friend, I know you will be the first to congratulate me.  Honestly I think you dont want to let go.  (trust me, I know)

socalbeachgirl is right on, with both comments..especially her last  comment about making him feel like he's the most important person in your life.

i told the most recent ex over e-mail as a courtesy as well, just so that he does not hear it from someone else. i waited to tell him as well, because i got engaged relatively soon after our break-up. but i didn't agonize over it at all. i was just waiting for the right moment, and we didn't communicate regularly enough. i told him in a reply to an e-mail he sent me. i actually did not reach out first.

another ex, i told over AIM when he messaged me just to see how i was doing. i would not have gone out of my way to contact him, and would have let news travel in this case.

all other exes, i did not even think about telling. everyone has moved on.

i think e-mail is fine, unless you both phone each other once in a while. right now, it is all about your fiance, so share your news and let yourself be happy. :) good luck! and congrats!!