Post # 1
So.. My fiance and I have been together for almost 11years.. we started when we were teenagers and we never felt the rush to get married.. instead we moved in together and saved up for a house and decided that we would get married afterwards.. We have not officially set a date, but we knew we would get married sometime this year, but I just found out I am prego… Even though we were not planning on having any kids now… we are still very happy and excited.. Now.. my mom is pressuring me to get married right away (I know she is doing it more because she cares about what people are going to think), but the honest truth is I don’t feel I want to do it now.. I am not feeling my elf and at this point I rather wait to have a nice wedding until after I give birth.. For now I am thinking of just going to city hall (just my fiance and I) and getting married… then later on do a nice wedding with family and friends… Or we may just go to an island and elope…. My fiance is happy to do whatever I want to do… I am confused.. I don’t know if I should give in to my mom and do the whole rush wedding?? my heard tells me I don’t want to do that.. I just want to do something small between him and I for now.. and later if we still feel we want a nice big wedding then we will do it, but we would have our bundle of joy with us.
Post # 3
How important is the big wedding to you & him?
Honestly, if it were me I would wait until after the baby is born. I’ve thought about this before because it can happen to anyone! And I have always said if I got pregnant I would much rather have the baby then get married. I don’t want to rush the wedding planning and I don’t want to be pregnant at my wedding.
I could really give 2 $hits what extended family members think. I know the FI’s immediate family will be completely fine with it. My family…I’m honestly not sure but I think at the end of the day they will respect our wishes.
Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Post # 4
First off, congratulations! Even though you werent planning for children right away its still a beautiful thing!
Personally I dont think you need to have the added stress of planning a wedding on top of being pregnant! That would just be insane! I think you need to focus on being healthy and happy and limit your stress… a wedding wouldnt do that so much…haha
One of my girlfriends and her husband were actually in a similar situation to yours. They had been together for a long time (over 10 years) and knew they were going to be togther, but didnt feel the need to get married yet. Well they found out they were expecting and got married right away. It was a small no frills wedding with just family at the courthouse and they went to their favorite restaurant with their friends and family to celebrate afterwards. It was great and it worked for them.
Her mother too wanted a big "real" wedding so about 6 months later (she was 8 months pregnant) they had the big wedding and fancy reception (a vow renewal of sorts) that the brides parents threw for them… the couple basically just had to show up.
Do what makes you and your fiance happy.. good luck.
Post # 5
You should do whatever you and FI are comfortable with. You can consider the city hall marriage sooner if that helps for things like health insurance or if you want to be married (doesn’t sound like that’s an immediate requirement for you). Don’t start worrying about what other people will think.
I second the suggestion that if you want to have a bigger celebration, wait until after the baby is born. You could include your new child in a fun way.
Post # 6
Do whatever it is that you & your fiance want. Forget everyone else. You didn’t say "yes" to please anyone else but yourselves, why should walking down the aisle be any different. You guys are established adults and for anyone to think you guys would get married "just because of the baby" or any other thoughts is crazy… 11 years together.. a house… and an engagement i think said enough. Congratulations to you guys & I wish you all the luck with your bundle of joy!! Keep us all updated!
Post # 8
I totally agree with all the other posters.
If you and your Fi wanted to get married now- do it. If not, then wait. It’s your life, so do what you feel is right!
Post # 9
Do what your heart wants. Your mom will get over the fact that maybe some people will have negative things about it. It’s YOUR life. If you want to wait, wait. If you want to elope, elope. If you want to get married later and have your child there, then do that! You have to do what is right by you, not because of how your mom is afraid it will "look".
Post # 10
Congrats!! That is very excited — and I’m glad to hear you are accepting this to maturely. It seems very common for this to happen nowadays.
I agree. DO WHAT YOU WANT! Period. Sometimes obstacles are thrown our way. FI’s cousing got engaged this summer, set a date for next year and then found out two months later that she was Prego. The craziest thing is she didn’t KNOW (I know, I was scratching my head too but she is an athlete and was "irregular" as it was… even the Doc was shocked to read her test results). They kept the date and she is due in May (getting married in Sept).
Another story — I girl I went to HS became prego and her parents forced her and the father to get married (She was 20), and the marriage didn’t last a year. I think adding a rushed shotgun wedding puts a burden on the relationship.
Post # 11
Congrats on your pregnancy!!!!
My FI and I got pregnant accidentally back in 2007. We’d been living together for a while but weren’t engaged at that point. Everyone immediately wanted to know what our plans were, and we said we’d get married when we were ready, but we wanted to focus on doing pregnancy the right way without all the stress of planning a wedding. I ended up having a miscarriage.
In the end it was the right decision– we got engaged about 8 months later, but we didn’t feel like we were forced into it by circumstances. You have to do what is right for you as a couple- not based on what everyone else will think.
Post # 12
I don’t know if this would help you out with your mom at all, but when a couple gets married (that I don’t know particularly well) gets married and then has a baby a few months later I wonder if they got married because they got pregnant. If they get married a little while after the baby is born it seems much more like they got married because they wanted to.
Like everyone else has said, you guys need to do what is right for you. People will talk regardless and it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you two make an amazing couple (hooray for 11 years!) and you’re about to expand your family. Who cares if people count the months?
Post # 13
I think since you’re both fine with it you should do the legal courthouse whatevers now and enjoy being pregnant! No need to poison such a special time with wedding stress! Then just have the official big family celebration later when you feel like it! Not like your new baby will know the difference, you can even choose a date to get courthouse married now to reflect a future date (for instance, you can choose Friday April 17th, 2009 for the courthouse date, so that you can have a big Saturday April 17th, 2010 wedding date. Something cute like that to keep your anniversary straight (and to get your mom off your back!)
Post # 14
If you elope i’m sure your mom would also be sad that she wasn’t there to see you get married. I like the island wedding idea, except it may not be the most ideal honeymoon since you may have morning sickness etc. Overall, CONGRATS!!! I’m excited for you guys!!
Post # 15
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I just wanted to chime in and agree with the other posters. If you want to get married and are fine with doing a small thing with just the two of you, go for it. It’d be great to be able for the two of you to focus on handling the pregnancy and your upcoming parethood without thinking about all the stuff that comes along with planning a wedding.
Best of luck!