(Closed) I need advice on how to get through this year.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Hi there 

 

I just wanted to say, I’m in a very similar situation to you. I really thought my SO was going to propose at Christmas…but nope. I mentioned to SO that I thought he would propose at Xmas…he scoffed and said ‘you don’t know me at all’. Wasn’t sure what to make of that. 

The only advice I can give you, and I speak from experience, is not to badger him. This DOES NOT help no matter how badly you want timelines, answers etc. I suggested a summer 2014 wedding, he said ‘I will think about it & we will discuss it soon’. Not exactly the response I had hoped for! So now, there is a huge pink elephant in the room and I’m left still none the wiser. Some things are best left unsaid. 

My plan is to set my own mental deadline and to not mention weddings,engagement or anything future related until we come back from the US in July….well I’m going to try but waiting is HARD. 

 

Hope this helps in some way 🙂 xx

Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@angelinaUK:  Waiting is painful!!!! One might think it happend fast for me, but really it didn’t. We started dating in September, got engaged in February. BUT I had been waiting likee 10 years (literally) for him to ask me out, when finally I decided to just let him know I liked him and wanted to get things moving, or wanted to know if he’d rather I leave him alone…well, we started dating and we knew right off the bat that we wanted to get married. I think he told me on our second date. So for 5 painful months I waited for a ring. I mean, I had waited 10 years, what’s 5 more months?

We had already discussed marriage, and I was already researching venues and stuff in November, so when I didn’t get a ring for Christmas I asked him “Are we getting married?” He said “Yes” I said “When?” He told me “Don’t you think we will be married by the summer?” and I told him “Weddings take a lot of time to plan, so if you want to get married by Summer we need to get engaged” He stalled for a couple more months before propsing. It worked out. I did a lot of the planning PRE ring.But that’s just us. We knew we wanted to get married, there was never a question about it but DH was just kind of clueless on how weddings work.

Maybe your man needs a gentle nudge. I am a huge advocate for communication. If I had communicated earlier that I had a fat crush on my hubster, then I would probably have already been married for a couple years. Who knows?

Ps. we never lived together before marriage so that was probably a huge motivator.

Post # 5
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Mine is coming December 2013 and I think knowing when is making me a wild woman.

What has helped is having a master list of stuff I want to get done before then and going at it like a crazy person. I’d like to lose 5 pounds, get some pictures framed, paint the bathroom, etc etc etc. Having a lot of stuff to do is really helping… too bad I’m still 11 odd months out. I’m calling it “things I will not have time to do after engagement”.

Post # 6
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I`m in a bit of the same situtation. I’ve been with SO for 5.5 years, but I’ve only been seriously “waiting” since this past summer. I’m still in school, so that is why it’s taking so long, but it does drive me nuts sometimes. I thought it would be nice to get engaged this coming summer, but his response was maybe 2014 or 2015! I’m really hoping it’s next spring/summer. I think the best thing to think about is being happy you’ve found the man you want to marry. There are many people who are still “waiting” to find “the one.” When looking in the long term side of things, will it matter looking back when you’re 60 if you get engaged this year or next? No. Either way, you end up with marrying the man for you.

Post # 7
Member
32 posts
Newbee

@mrshoneybee:  

It’s reassuring to hear other girlies struggled with the waiting, at least I know I’m not mental! Friends and relatives that have got engaged are always like ‘Oh I had no idea he was going to propose, it’s such a surprise coz I didn’t think we would get married’…..Some girls get it easy and never have to sit around waiting and wondering!

I have also been trying to plan stuff too, despite the fact that I’m not engaged….(I’m confident it’s just a case of when rather than if he’ll propose) but at the moment, it kind of just seems like a fantasy. It will all work out fine one day but I am probably the least patient person I have ever known in my life so it is extremely hard!

My strategy from now on is to not mention weddings or engagements anymore, he has well and truly got the hint now so no point forcing the issue further.! My sister’s husband is quite happy for her to take the lead but my SO likes to do things in his own time. My nagging won’t change that (unfortunately, haha)

Lovely to hear everything worked out for you 🙂

Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee

@memo:  

That’s a nice sentiment and I never really thought of it like that. I guess my impatience completely takes over sometimes! In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t a long tiime at all….

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