I need advice please

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think the cost of flowers is really your issue here, but I don’t know what the question is.

Post # 5
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Neither of you seem ready for marriage.

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

There are many issues there. First and foremost, it’s not even about the wedding itself, it’s about your (you and your fiancé) financial priorities and overall responsabilities. You are young, you are a mom, you owe a lot of debts considering you still live at your dad’s house, and you’re considering spending 5K for a wedding … then along with that, comes a 27 year old guy who is unable to support both you and your kid, prefers to travel or buy a truck instead of saving money for a house/appartment, and yet he’d want, at his age, to just have your father pay for the 3 of you after you’re married ? Nothing in this scenario even makes sense. A marriage isn’t just some fancy party of Mason jars (even if you keep it under the 5K limit), it’s a legal contract and financial commitment to one another when it comes to debts and assets. You’re considering this, yet you’re both unable to live like independant adults right now. I think this should be the first goal you should aim to achieve before even considering getting married : pay off your debts, get some savings, get your own place and afford for yourself and your kid, then live with your fiancé and see how things go from there. I don’t think either of you can afford to ”blow a lot of money” right now. Again, you have a kid. When you marry a mom, you think about the kid, the kid becomes a priority, and you do not blow money over unnecessary things, you use the money toward feeding the kid and making sure the kid has a roof over his/her head. And that doesn’t mean mooching off the kid’s grandparents. I don’t believe he wants to save money, I believe he wants to take advantage of not having to spend a dime on anyone but himself, while living all expenses paid at your dad’s house. I know you love him, but rationally, he’s not marriage-material at this point. 

Post # 7
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

cdpslh913059487:  Maybe you guys aren’t ready for marriage yet. Just saying…

Post # 8
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

cdpslh913059487:  your post was very difficult to read. Is English your second language? Perhaps redirect some of the effort and energy you are putting into wedding planning towards improving your writing and communication skills. Being able to communicate clearly will make it easier for you to find employment and provide for yourself and your child. That aside, it sounds like your fiancé is showing you very clearly that he isn’t ready to be married or interested in a wedding. You are very young and have plenty of time for weddings and marriage down the road. Focus your energy on getting your life in order, for your sake and your child’s. As for your fiancé not wanting to pay taxes, what he wants to do is irrelevant. Eventually the IRS will garnish his wages and/or throw his ass in jail. 

Post # 9
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

cdpslh913059487:  Im sorry – i was following all the way until the end where you said your FI would rather buy a new truck and “have fun” this summer which would force you guys to live apart and with your parents for an entire year while you save up again for a wedding – and then have no savings for a house?

You have a child. You don’t put “having fun” before supporting your future wife and child. I would try to ask him what his reasoning is in all this? How does that make sense at all? I think you need to think about whether this guy sounds like a responsible life partner and father. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  L606.
Post # 10
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Is he the father of your child? If not, I don’t see why you are with him, honestly. Why can’t you guys rent an apartment? I love home ownership, but there is nothing wrong with renting before you are ready – sure, it’s harder to save up money for a downpayment, but you don’t have to live with your parents! Which seriously, as a married couple with a child, you should not be. You need to live like financially independent adults. Most people have to rent. Owning is not a luxury that most 19 year olds can think about. You might be a mom, but you still have a lot of growing up to do. $5000 is a lot of money to spend when you aren’t able to take care of yourself.

Tough love, but you need to get your stuff together. Don’t spend that money on a wedding, spend it on an education so you can take care of your child and not end up relying on a potential deadbeat.

Post # 11
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

do not marry him. he isn’t ready to be responsible.

and honestly, it sounds like neither of you are ready to get married. 

Post # 12
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Considering how many divorces start in fights over money, I’d strongly suggest you are both financially stable and supporting yourselves (not living with your dad) before even considering what your wedding is going to look like.

Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee

More than worrying about the cost of the wedding or saving up for a home, you should take care of your debt first. I know it’s frustrating to hear everyone saying you’re so young but I would say the exact same thing to a 29 year old who is in your situation. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you and your fiancé are just scraping by and unable to take care of your bills. Do you really want to start off a marriage in debt especially when you already have a 3 year old to take care of? I think it would be unfair to put the burden of taking care of 3 people on your dad. If he was financially well off than that’s another story but I’m assuming you wouldn’t be in such a financial bind if he was. Bottom line, take care of your finances, both you and your fiancé need to get stable jobs and be on the same page on marriage and responsibilities. 

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