i need advise! It wasn't what i thought

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You need to get over it. I like that ring. I would take it! It’s actually one of the ones I looked at while ring shopping.

Post # 4
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

i’m not sure what you wanted for a proposal and ring.  Didn’t you two ever talk about what kind of ring you wanted?  

I think the ring is  beautiful.  The proposal was sweet, his hands were shaking and he was nervous.  Not everything is a movie.  It sounds like it was sweet and the ring is beautiful.   What a lucky girl you are to have someone that suprised you 😀 

Post # 5
333 posts
Helper bee

When it comes to the proposal, I think that it can be tough but you might want to try looking at it as a cute, sweet thing that he did to do it like he did. He just couldn’t wait any longer! Do you know if he  had a plan and then scratched it because he couldn’t wait? That’s possible, and is a very cute story. He sound sweet 🙂

As for the ring, did you express any interest in black diamonds? If not… I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t like it either. In fact, if I had received that ring after showing him or telling him I liked diamonds, clear diamonds, I would tell him so and ask to exchange it or get a new one. The story or how it happened you can’t change, but very nicely, you might be able to talk to him about how you feel about the ring. I wouldn’t want that ring for all my life either! It’s beautiful for someone, it’s just not my taste at all 🙂

Post # 6
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@tswizzle:  My advice is to not focus so much on expectations.  Instead, focus on what actually happened…he proposed!  He was sweet and shaky!  He loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you!  

That ring is awesomely unique.  I don’t usually like black diamonds but yours is nice — it looks good on your finger, too.  


Now…do you want the traditional white gown, or are you going to go funky like your ring?  Vera Wang’s Fall 2014 collection has some AMAZINGLY different dresses…

Post # 7
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

There is nothing wrong with your proposal. I have a lot of married friends and none of their proposals (including mine) were fairytale proposals which are scene in the movies. I think the low key proposals are the sweetest. As far as the ring, you can’t say anything, that would crush him. You’ll have input on your wedding band, maybe you can get something that you like that would compliment the e-ring.

Post # 8
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

Saying you need to get over it is harsh. If you never expressed wanting a black diamond then I think your feelings are completely justified. I personally wouldn’t be happy with a black diamond. I think in terms of the ring you should talk to your FI and explain you love him and love what the ring means, but that you never pictured having a black diamond. Hopefully he’ll be open to at least having a conversation about it.

In terms of the proposal, just focus on that this man really loves you and wanted to totally surprise you. Proposals these days are so built up thanks to movies and sometimes it’s hard to to remember that in the scheme of life it’s not important how he asked, but that he did ask and you said yes. 

Post # 9
6982 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@tswizzle:  I think your ring is gorgeous! I, too, got a ring that surprised me. It’s not at all traditional and honestly took some getting used to. You will love it in time. I adore mine. 

As for how to tell people it happened, just say it was a simple proposal at home. Talk about how nervous he was and how you felt. People don’t actually want to hear a long story anyway. 

And I think it’s normal for it to just feel like another day. I was sort of surprised at how normal everything was too. We got engaged on thanksgiving so by the time we got home we were exhausted. We hauled all our dishes and stuff up and I was too tired to even wash off my makeup. The rest of the weekend was so busy we didn’t even have sex until several days later!

Post # 10
72 posts
Worker bee

I like the ring. If you don’t I can understand it but what can you do?




What I don’t understand is you feelling weird about the proposal and how people would feel about it. He didn’t propose to ”people” , he proposed to you. And to tell you the truth I enjoy these kind of proposal stories more than seeing an aeroplane with a banner saying ”will you marry me”. They are cute, real and people can relate to them. I don’t know what you can do about the ring, even if I didn’t like it I would get over it, but I don’t want to be the one with the easy answer when I am not in the situation. But I know for sure that you shouldn’t care if people find the proposal movie-like enough.


You love him and he loves you, nothing else matters 🙂


Post # 11
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It shouldn’t be about the proposal and how simple or elaborate it was, rather, it should be about how much you guys love each other . My SIL was proposed to in her bedroom of her parents house, and six years later , they are still happily married -which is what is more important than anything . 

Btw, your ring is gorge ! Very unique!

Post # 12
6982 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@peachacid:  I’m not usually one for funky wedding dresses but that second one is amazing!!!

Post # 13
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@tswizzle:  MY FI propsed in his bedroom and totally not plan and at first he wanted to do this big deal thing. Honestly I love the fact that it was our little moment. I love unique rings and think yours is beautiful. I’d told ppl exactly what happen most found it adorable only my cuz gave me any grief but thats her personality and she lives in a fairytale world anyway lol. Congrats by the way!!! 

Post # 14
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hm. The proposal I can honestly tell you you will probably come to terms with it in time. I had a very low key not planned out proposal on a regular day and while I was hoping he’d do something more than shove the ring at me- it is what it is. It’s us! 

As far as the ring…. I don’t know. I’d be pretty upset getting a black ring ESPECIALLY if there was no prior convo saying ” Hey I want a black ring”. Personally I’d ask if there is a return policy, I wouldn’t wear a black engagement ring. You should love your ring or at the very least be able to live with it for the next 50+ years. 

Post # 15
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well it sounds like his proposal was kind of sweet, if very basic. Some people are just not planners. My husband didn’t plan an elaborate speech or anything either, he just got down on one knee and asked.  Maybe your FI was so nervous/ excited he just wanted to give you the ring straight away? I wouldn’t dwell on this. If people ask, tell them he asked you at home and you were so surprised and he was shaking, ect. 

As for the ring, do you normally wear unsusual/unique jewelry? It’s a very pretty ring. Maybe you could ask how he would feel about you wearing it as a right hand ring and picking out something together that’s more your taste? Or get a wedding band to balance out the dark metal/ only wear the band after you get married? There are tons of options. Good luck!

Post # 16
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did the two of you talk about what kind of rings you would like?

I’m not in the camp of, “just be happy that you have a ring and accept anything he picks out for you!” I think that the engagement ring is a symbol of the start of your lives together, and since you’re the one that will be wearing it for the rest of your life, you might as well be wearing something that you actually like (and your future husband should want you to like it too!).

I would not have been happy with a surprise black engagement ring, so I get where you’re coming from. Any chance you can return/exchange it?

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