Post # 1
I have a Bridesmaid who is a dear friend. However, she is about 7months pregnant. This coming Saturday, my other 4 girls will be trying on and picking the gowns that they all will wear. I am not certain that she will make it as she has not been feeling that great. However, I started thinking about the timing of everything and am now wondering if I should still have her participate as a Bridesmaid. So here goes. The dresses take 12-15 weeks once ordered for the girls to receive theem. This will put all of my girls who are going on March 5th at May/June receipt time. Her due date is April 14th and she is having a c-section. So at best, after her 8 weeks healing and follow-up appointment, she will not be able to try on dresses until early June. If she does order a dress at that time with the 12-15 week return time that would put her at late August/early September to get the dress. Then, to be safe I wanted to add at LEAST 1 month time to get the alterations, since all of my girls have different schedules, lives, and live in different places. My wedding is October 8th. My target date to have my girls due their final try-on’s at my house is September 24th, and I am just not comfortable with still having her trying to get her gown that close to the wedding.
Aside from that with having a new born and another small child I am worried about this process being too much of a burden on her time wise and financially.
I shared my intial concerns with her, and told her I would let her know final details once the Sales Consultant at the bridal shop let me know the turn around time for ordering the gowns. However, because I wanted her to still participate in my day, if she ends up not being a Bridesmaid, I would love for her to be a hostess/usher as well as sing a selection during the ceremony as she has a beautiful voice. What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
@Soon2BMrsP818: I think you should let her be a bridesmaid. Do they need measurements to order the dresses? Or just a size?
She could order one a size larger than her pre-pregnancy size and get it altered to her body when it comes in with the others.
I’m sure salons have dealt with this before.
Post # 4
I think you should still have her as a bridesmaid unless she tells you that it is too much of a burden on her. Otherwise you are pretty much saying that it’s more important to have a certain look or dress, than it is to have her as a bridesmaid if you ask her to step down due to a dress.
I would ask her again to see if she thinks she can handle the responsibilites and financial aspects and if she says she can then I would just order a size up of the dress from what she thinks she will be.
Post # 5
I think she’d be really hurt if ‘demoted’. I know that by the time my friends are starting to get married, I’ll probably be in the next stage of my life: babies. And if I wasn’t allowed to be a bridesmaid because I was pregnant, or was demoted because of it, I would be deeply hurt. I think you should just have her order a size or two larger; it can always be taken in (usually up to five sizes). Then you won’t have to worry about the dress being late 🙂
Post # 6
Hmmmm. Thanks for the insight and non-harsh , non-critical advice ladies. It really means a lot to me. You’re right, that would be hurtful. The good thing is we did talk about it and she shared the concern with regard to the timing first before I even thought about that, which got me to thinking. After she mentioned that her response was ” its whatever you want to do”. But even in that, I could see how it could be a tough blow to her. Good poing about ordering a size or two up and having it altered.
Post # 7
I agree with everyone. just have her order a larger size and have it altered. That’s what we are doing for my SIL who is 9 mos preggo!
Post # 8
Update: Thanks for your great advice!
She let me know that the only weight she really gained was in her belly, she still can fit some of her pre-baby clothes (THAT’S AWESOME 😉 so she would order a size larger and get it altered if necessary. YESS!!!!! HOWEVER, she will not be participating as a bridesmaid because as we got to talking she opened up to me and let me know that the financial piece and the other date obligations of it would be too rough on her with a new born . She said she had been thinking of how to tell me but didn’t know how to approach the topic. She said she would be honored to sing for us at the wedding and play a less responsible role. So, I told her, you know its funny you should mention that because I was thinking about that as an alternative . I was SOOOOO glad to have this discussion with her. I assured her that it was okay, I still felt loved and supported by her and that she should not feel disappointed or anything like that (b/c she told me she felt bad). The reality is that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man comes with a lot of responsibility (time, energy, and financially) I never want anyone to feel burdened or overwhelmed. I am progressive enough to know that people who love you will contribute to you the best way they know how and are able to, and that’s just as meaningful to me.