Post # 1
Hello everyone! I’m new to WeddingBee! I’m not yet engaged, however I’ve been with my boyfriend over a year & a half and we are buying a house!! We are applying for the loan this weekend to build a house in our area. I’m not worried on weather he’ll qualify, what I am worried about is he knows how important NOT “shacking up” is to me But has yet to pop the question! We’ve discussed engagement and that of course it’s on it’s way but engagement rings and houses cost money I’ve been told (by him)! Duh. So, my boyfriend is money conscious (which I can appreciate) and quite passive when I bring up a beautiful ring I saw..ect ect. He’s always wanted to surprise me & for me to have no idea- more to the point, HE wants to pick the price And time without me having no idea. But I’m VERY particular about what I want to wear on my finger!! it’s not a style, it’s a feel! I couldn’t tell u what I really like, I just have to put it on. So finally, my question is how could I get my boyfriend to go ring shopping with me Without hurting his feelings or making him feel pressured?? THANK YOU LADIES!!!
Post # 3
@StacyJ7: I went ring shopping with my DH. However, he was really open to knowing what I wanted because I would be wearing it forever. I would just explain to your BF that it won’t take away from the surpise. Perhaps you can pick out several rings you like, write down the numbers and szie, and then he can take it from there.
Post # 4
Don’t pressure him at all would be my biggest piece of advice. This is one of those things a man has to do on his own and the more you pressure him, the less he’ll want to do it and he’ll push back. Many waiting bees on here are part of a “shut-it-up” pact, which from what I gather means you don’t keep bringing up marriage. I think it would be pertinent to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about the status of the relationship and make sure you are both on the same page before moving in. Once you’re moved in and living like a married couple it’s a lot easier to get comfortable and complacent and it can make it easier for him to remain unmarried. I fell into this trap. Once he is ready and you’re ready to go shopping for a ring, see if he is willing to go shopping with you and show him what you like.
Post # 5
I would go to a few stores and write down styles of rings you like and pass them on. I would also communicate how particular you are and that this is somehting that it is important to you. I would also talk about budget and make sure you are on the same page. It would be disappointing if you were expecting a $5000 ring and he got you a $500 ring.
Post # 6
@StacyJ7: If shaking up is a problem, then you shouldnt buy a house until you are married. And definitley don’t pressure him o buy a ring, you want him to do it from his heart.
Post # 7
If you can discuss finances and buying a house together, you can discuss a piece of jewelry.
I would tell him you’re not moving in without an engagement. Sounds like you’re pretty far into the home buying process, though… so I’d be careful. Once you move in it’s so easy for him to delay. “Oh honey, we just bought new furniture, I can’t afford a ring right now” etc.
Just tell him that you’re particular. I don’t get why any logical man would want to buy something for his future wife that she doesn’t like.. especially if it’s significant coin.
I think you just need to bite the bullet and have a grown-up conversation with him.
Post # 8
Post # 9
I… don’t really understand your question.
Are you saying you don’t want to live together until you’re engaged? I think that’s a bad idea (I’d recommend living together first, for sure) but it’s your life, but in that case, it makes no sense for you to be trying to buy a house with him when you’re not engaged yet.
If I’m understanding you correctly (and, again, that’s quite challenging,) it seems like you’re trying to herd him into doing things your way at your pace, and that is going to blow up in your face unless you back off, big time. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but better to know now than after the grenade goes off in your hand.
Post # 10
It’s still shacking up if you’re engaged and not married.
Post # 11
I agree he might put off getting married once you have all the expenses of a house. Can you get married first? He might not want to get married until having kids if you move in now!
Post # 12
@StacyJ7: You said you want to get married, not “shack up” thus, I would wait to be an engaged before joining finances and moving in as Canary said above..Don’t take my word but lurk for a while on the “Waiting” board. Many wait 6-7-8-9+ years hoping their guy will someday be willing to marry them. Ack!
To answer your question–when a man wants to marry , he will propose. he won’t need to be prodded. And that holds true for women as well.. He is clearly not there yet or you’d already have a ring on your finger. Sorry.
Post # 13
@canarydiamond: +100 Exactly that!!
Post # 14
@RobynNOLA: OH, I agree wholeheartedly…. and that’s why I said if it’s a problem for her, then she shouldntt buy a home yet….