Post # 1
So here’s the gist of the whole thing. I met a guy that was on a student visa. He is from NZ and we hit it off. We dated for about 6 months and then got married so we could live”happily ever after.” Anywho, after we got married he changed. He was very obnoxious, loud, clingy, possesive etc. My best friend was sharing an apartment with me and he disliked him so bad he just recently moved out. All my friends dislike him. I went and had to get my oil changed in my car (which he said he would do months prior) so i brought one of our mutual friends with me (since he couldn’t come, he had a doctors appointment) Once the mutual friend and I returned back to the apartment my husband and I got in a huge arguement because “him and his friend hung out without him.” After that arguement I kicked him out for about 2 weeks. Until he came crawling back saying he was sorry and to give him another chance. Ever since then he’s done a lot of things like that and I have fallen out of love with him. There’s literally nothing there. It could be the fact that I have lost all my friends, or the fact that he’d compare me to his ex gf and how she would like “certain sexual desires” that I do not. I’ve told him I want a divorce and we’ve only been married 6 months.
The problem is… we are waiting on his greencard/work permit. I don’t want to have to wait any longer for this, I want out now. But he insists that I wait till our 2 year anniversary because that’s when he will get the permanent green card. I don’t want to have to wait this long and I’ve told him this. Yesterday, however, we somehow got on the subject of revenge and he basically said “yeah, if you ever screwed me over and didn’t allow me to stay and I had to be out of the states in 30 days I’d get revenge” (I was interested to know what his “revenge” would be so I then asked him) What exactly would that revenge be? He then tells me that he would put sugar in my gas tank and screw up my apartment etc.
So basically, I don’t know what to do. At this point I’m basically being blackmailed to stay with him. Does anyone have any advice or any way that I can divorce him but he can still stay? Or if we go to the interview for the greencard and I tell them I just fell out of love etc. that he’d be able to stay? Because I’m not sure what to do at this point and I’m really scared. I have never felt so depressed and I’m not myself anymore. I really need to get out of this situation.
Post # 2
Go to the authorities and get a restraining order? He sounds abusive… if not now, definitely potentially.
Post # 3
Divorce now. This is going to get much worse, if its gotten this bad already. Get a locking gas cap. Dont feed into his bullshit. If he fucks up the apartment, take it to court, just don’t let him treat you like this
. Divorce, then call immigration to ship his ass back
Post # 5
scaredanddontknowwhattodoo: Are you his sponsor for his greencard/residency? If I recall correctly, then divorce doesn’t necessarily void your responsibility as a sponsor for his residency. However, I guess this also depends on what forms you filed.
Post # 6
….I’m pretty sure that avoiding sugar in your gastank isn’t a valid reason to stay married to someone you can’t stand for another year and a half.
Post # 7
Get a lawyer. Divorce him and get a restraining order if need be. You need him out of your life asap
Post # 8
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
Personally, you need to go to the authorities before you even bring up divorce. Have all your agencies involved then get the lawyer and kick his behind out.
Post # 9
Do you have a friend who could stay with you? Get friend over. File police compliant. Inform immigration.
Post # 10
Why on earth would you want an angry person who’s got a grudge against you to be allowed to stay in the country? Sounds like divorcing him ASAP would be to your advantage. Get a restraining order and park your car somewhere else till he goes back overseas.
Post # 11
I would start taping your conversations. What he said could be considered a terroristic threat and with the state of alert right now and the fact he hasn’t been nationalized then they can hold him in custody until his deportment hearing. I’ve seen them hold people for less. You don’t need him in country to get a divorce. Call a lawyer immediately and either stay somewhere else (which I recommend) that won’t know where it is or have someone stay with you. Make sure you file a police report right away.
Post # 12
I’m going through the immigration process via marriage and think I can help out a bit.
On the personal side of things, get away now. He is threatening you and that is not acceptable, regardless of his immigration status. If you are not in love with him and see no hope of reconciliation (which, why would you if he is as nasty as he sounds) then divorce him.
Onto the legal side of things… Book an Infopass appointment at your local USCIS office and withdraw your I-864 (the financial support contract). Without you being his primary sponsor (you can have co-sponsors but the spouse must always be the primary one) then the application is voided. His papers will be denied, meaning no work permit, no greencard and he will be subject to deportation (should he wind up in jail etc, immigration do not necessarily come chasing after everyone who is denied, they tell them to leave by a specific date and “trust” them to do so). Withdrawing the I-864 also gets you off the hook, as if it is processed and you end up divorcing then you are responsible for him not to become a public burden for 10 years or until citizenship.
You can only withdraw the I-864 if the application is still pending, so hurry to it! In your post you say you’re looking for a way for him to stay? Why? I think he has used you for immigration purposes and it is best if he returns home. If you continue with the application and stay married for immigration purposes for your spouse, then you can be accused of immigration fraud and fined for your participation in this.
So say you’ve withdrawn the I-864 and cancelled the adjustment of status application… Have you got proof of him threatening you to stay in the marriage until the 2 year requirement is over? If you have proof, take it to the Infopass appointment as this will show immigration his true intentions and make it easier for them to deny the greencard.
My next advice would be to stay far away from him, and file for a restraining order mentioning the threats. If he finds you are cancelling his greencard app by withdrawing your sponsor papers then things could turn ugly as he has already threatened you. Also, with him needing the greencard he could panic and file false abuse charges on you, filing for VAWA. VAWA is for immigrants who have spouses that abuse them. It is a way for new immigrants to file for their greencard without the help of their spouse, and so is claimed quite frequently on false abuse charges, meaning the immigrant can stay but not have to be involved with their spouse. I think it is best if you aren’t alone with him from now on in order to protect yourself from more threats and potential false abuse claims.
There is a website that is helpful in these situations called visajourney.com. I think you should take a look at it. Whatever you decide to do, please keep yourself safe. I hope this works out well for you.
Post # 13
elw728: I don’t make enough money so I am not his sponsor, one of our mutual friends is :/
Post # 14
It’s hard for me because I still care about him as a friend, but after the threats having him as a friend isn’t worth it.
Post # 15
his family also paid for all the lawyer fees and stuff to file for adjustment of status. I let him know I didn’t want them paying for it before we even filed because I told him at that time I didn’t want to be with him… and he still did it anyways :/ So I guess his threats are so he doesn’t “lose” money.