- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
My original post was in pregnancy boards http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-need-help-destressing#axzz2oalQiRj1 but this is actually an update to all my MIL posts too.
I posted about my stress level being through the roof, and on Friday I had a scare on my way to a Christmas party where I was driving and my chest got tight and heavy. I was breathing but felt like I couldn’t. I honestly thought I was going to die in my car, alone. It was a horrible feeling. It passed about about 30 seconds though, but happened again on Sunday. I asked my nurse on the 23rd if I should get checked out or if it could wait until my appt on the 31. She immediately checked me in, and they did blood work (for anemia), EKG, pulmonary function test, and urinalysis. They chalked it up to extreme stress or baby laying on a nerve, but were more confident in the stress part.
I have been doing some deep breathing since my post to get through. Christmas with my family was awesome. Christmas Day came, and we had pretty shitty roads on our 3 hours journey to DH’s grandparent’s house. We got there, ate and started opening gifts. I started to get really anxious when everyone was talking about how much better next Christmas was going to be with the baby around. I thought, “Wow, ok, first of all we travel this far and you say that? it sounds so unappreciative. Second, with the roads we had going up there (icy and snow covered) there is NO way I’d risk taking a 9 month old child on that. Third, MIL got baby his first outfit for Christmas and said she better see him in that, and all the family agreed.”
I managed to take breaths and let all that pass. FIL had been a real grade A asshole earlier, so I was already ready to leave long before that. He was talking shit to DH, about my dog, and even managed to give his gifts away again this year AND complain that SIL, who is dirt poor right now, didn’t give him a gift. He even told her that over the phone, his own daughter, that she was too cheap to buy gifts after all he’d done for her.
It was almost 6, and we had a 3 hour drive plus go pick up our dog at my parent’s which is an extra 15 miles there and again back. My feet were also swollen and hurt. It is “tradition” at their house to call SIL since she wasn’t at Christmas. Everyone asks her the same questions: How are you, how is Christmas, and how is school. They should honestly just put her on speaker phone so she only gets asked the questions one time. It’s worthless to pass the phone around to 10 people at Christmas. DH talked to her, and I told him I was going to pass because I text her all the time, so I didn’t really need to talk to her. Plus we were going to leave. GMIL (grandmother in law) was talking to SIL, and she said, “Have you talked to Megz yet? Oh well here…Megz, talk to SIL.” I said, “I will talk to her later. We are ready to leave.” GMIL shoves the phone in my FACE and says, “Here, say hi and Merry Christmas.” I said, “NO. We are leaving right now. It is dark, the roads are bad, and we need to get our dog.”
That was that. She was SO pushy about it, shoving the fucking phone in my face. Then we go out and MIL and GMIL come along. Before MIL was ready to hug me, I said, “MIL, I’m only giving you a hug if you promise not to touch my belly.” She made a VERY irriated face and said, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” I said, “No, I’m serious. If you touch it, I won’t be coming to visit anymore.” GMIL made some snyde remark under her breath that I couldn’t quite make out but I think it was like, “Oh, that’s real nice”. MIl still gave me hug, and my belly was left alone thankfully.
Now, after saying that to MIL and after the phone incident, GMIL, who always since the first time I’ve met her, given me a hug and kiss, didn’t this time. She completely ignored me, turned her back on me, and didn’t even say bye or Merry Christmas to me.
I have to say, I am not even sorry for what I did or said. I was a little pissed off about her snub at first, but I got over it quickly and was actyally just at peace finally. I feel good because I spoke my mind, did what I needed to do to make myself feel better, and I will be doing this more from now on. I am tired of their attitudes. I told DH I am not going anywhere in January, and when we do it is just he and I. If his mom complains about lack of time, he just needs to not tell me. He can ask me one time if I’d like to see his mom, and if I just feel too stressed, I will say no and then it is done. He can go see her without me and spend time with her, but I am doing things for me now. After my scare on Friday and Sunday, I realize my health and wellbeing are more important that pleasing everyone’s feelings. If people don’t like what I have to say then they don’t have to see me, and I don’t have to waste time I could be putting my feet up to go see them. That’s just the way it is. MIl always says we never come see her, but does she ever come see us? No. She never says, “I miss you guys. Can I come visit?” It is ALWAYS on us and our faults and we are the bad guys if we don’t come visit. I don’t need that anymore, and I sure as hell am not going to be making any 3 hour drives for an old woman who snubs me because I won’t let anyone touch my body.
All in all my Christmas was very good, even with his family. There are still decent family members who made our Christmas wonderful. I am happy to be home, able to put my swollen feet up, and I am veyr excited to meet my brother’s new GF tomorrow. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas 🙂