- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I went back and forth on creating this post, and whether I get some tough love or buck up, sweetie, I don’t care anymore. I probably can’t feel worse than I do already.
I’m stressed. I am a high anxiety person to begin with (and winter already gives me the blues when I’m not pregnant), but with my MIL issues (being the biggest), Christmas, work, and being pregnant I feel like everything is crashing down all at once. I haven’t been saying anything to anyone about it, and I am pretty good at putting on a happy face, but I can’t tell you how many times in the past few weeks I have sat in my office at work and cried. Or went to the bathroom at home and just gave it a good silent cry.
I dread Christmas Day. I dread my belly being touched. I am uncomfortable, crampy from ligament pain and baby kicking, tired, stressed, and hormonal, and my MIL has been told over and over again not to touch my belly by both my DH and I that I am afraid she is going to, once again, disregard my feelings and touch it, and I will lose it and have to go into the bathroom and cry all day or some shit. She just doesn’t care that I feel the way I do and that it bothers me. I know to some women belly touching isn’t an issue, and I really don’t have a problem with it if it is DH, but my MIL doesn’t know how to touch a belly properly, and two, I just feel so gross and violated after she does it, especially since she has started to ask how “her baby” is doing. Right now, with all the things I am feeling, I feel as though there should be a consequence for her continuing to touch me after I’ve already told her no. I am dreading hugging her on Christmas Day.
Then there is Christmas as a whole. I am tired, guys. I don’t sleep well anymore, and Monday I travel an hour and a half to go to the dentist and then have to travel 3 1/2 hours to go see his family for Christmas and 3 1/2 hours back. Then, lucky me, I get to work the next day.
My job is equally as stressful. With me leaving come end of March/beginning of April I am already feeling the stress of getting projects done all at once. Reporting period starts mid-January and goes until end of March, and it is the most stressful time of year for me and my job, and I have no idea, with how I am feeling, how I will manage.
I have been taking deep breaths, locking myself in a room for 30 minutes each night and listening to calming music, and I just can’t shake that feeling of letting stuff bother me.
I don’t know what to achieve by posting this. Maybe people who are going through it too so I don’t feel alone? I don’t know. I just want to dive into the pan of chocolate truffles in the freezer, put on my comfy pants, and hide under the covers until April. Wishful thinking…