I Need Help Destressing

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@megz06:  🙁  I’m so sorry!!  Let yourself be frustrated.  Stop beating yourself up for it.

And seriously, I would make a shirt that says DO NOT TOUCH.  on the belly.  

Post # 4
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@megz06:  aw I’m sorry 🙁  I can totally relate though. Time is going by so fast and there’s so much to be done.  I have been living by the mantra what will be will be and everything will eventually get done somehow.

I find making to-do lists and a plan of action for getting things done really helps me feel in control.

As for your MIL, if she touches your belly, I think you should bite her head off. She’s been warned!  Or, get yourself a nice big puffy coat and never take it off!

 

Post # 5
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry! This is all very legitimate stuff to be stressed about. Is there any way you could limit your time with the in laws on Christmas? I.e., stay for a few hours instead of the whole day? If there’s any time you have a built in excuse to be tired and need quiet time to rest, pregnancy is it. 

Also, if anyone, even MIL, didn’t respect my physical boundaries after I’d made them quite clear… I would literally slap their hand and raise my voice. No touching means no touching. How is that any different than if your FIL grabbed your ass every time you hugged him? You absolutely have the right to not be touched in ways that make you uncomfortable and you do not owe anyone an explanation.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

How much worse has your anxiety gotten? It it possible you have pregnancy anxiety? People never seem to talk about it (in favor of its sexy cousin, pregnancy depression), but it affects a LOT of women.

 

Post # 7
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

And if she asks how “her baby” is doing, tell her DH is just fine, thanks! He’s her baby… The one you are carrying is YOURS. 

Post # 8
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@megz06:  Carry a big stick or flyswatter around and hit her hand if she reaches out to touch your belly.  If she can’t keep her hands to herself then they deserve to get smacked.

As far as stress, it sounds like the pregnancy hormones are making everything worse and your regular relaxation techniques just aren’t cutting it.  Tai chi really helped me learn how to center and relax.  I also find that wearing myself out with a walk helps me destress.  Allowing yourself to feel overwhelmed for a few minutes and then writing everything down to get it out can help put things in perspective as well.

As far as Christmas stress, maybe this year it would be better to pull the pregnancy card and stay home.  Every few years I stay home on Christmas and do what I want to do instead of dealing with the stress of a family holiday.  I sleep late, watch my favorite movies or go to the movie theater (it’s open on Christmas), and then chow down on non-Christmassy food like pizza or chinese takeout.  Did it piss my parents off?  Yes, but now they are much less demanding around the holidays because they know I always have the option of skipping out.

Post # 9
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What about pregnancy yoga, particularly if you are sore on top of stressed? I did yoga for years and it really does help you detox as well as sleep better and just feel better in general. My OB actually gave me info on the pregnancy yoga in my area. It might be worth it just to be able to feel a little better.

So sorry about all the stressors. That just stinks 🙁 And you MIL not respecting your boundaries is just NOT cool. She’s lucky I’m not her daughter-in-law because my hormones havent made me weepy and anxious, theyve made me bitchy and mean (well… bitchier and meaner than normal…)

Hang in there.

Post # 10
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@megz06:  …pre-natal massage, pre-natal aerial yoga and a big glass of, Get Your Hands OFF Me for your MIL at Christmas!

Post # 11
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Oh you poor thing it sounds horrible. All of it. I am a very anxious person too so I get it. Do you have the possibility of taking a couple of leave days and spending them alone at home recharging yourself? 

Post # 12
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely understand! Pregnancy is HARD and makes everything else so much more difficult, and not just because of the increased hormones, but physically things are more difficult and people start treating you different. Add to that the inability to sleep well the pressure of being under a microscope, and the lack of filter and sense others have around pregnant people and anyone would go nuts.

Can you ‘get sick’ on Christmas and avoid the 7 hours of car time to spend the day with people you really don’t care to see? If not, have a very candid and serious conversation with your MIL and DH prior to Christmas where you state that no one, but DH and you, are allowed to touch you in anyway beyond a friendly hug, specifically no one is allowed to place their hands on your stomach. If this simple rule isn’t respected, you will leave (if DH won’t leave with you, have a ‘safe place’ to go, such as a local restaurant, movie theatre to watch a movie, etc until it is time to drive home with DH, which will be a very awkward ride home for DH where he is going to have to explain why he didn’t support  you and take you home immediately).

Alternatively, you wear something like this: http://www.cafepress.com/+don-'t-touch-my-belly+t-shirts

You aren’t alone, most pregnant people only tolerate others touching their belly to avoid a scene.

Post # 13
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@megz06:  Giiiiirrrrrrl, skip Christmas.  Seriously- something has GOT to give.  I know there will be a fall out from it, but if it is getting to you this much, then something needs to change.  Get DH on board.  If she throws a hissy fit, he needs to 100% have your back and just lay it out there- you are tired, stressed, and not feeling well and when YOU don’t feel well YOUR BABY knows it.  

Seriously, he needs to lay down the law with some boundaries.  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁

Post # 14
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree with @DaneLady: . This woman refuses to respect your boundaries. You have done your level best, and have been pretty patient. It’s ok to step back. 

Post # 15
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I totally understand. Im seriously considering not going to our families for Christmas because its a 5hr drive and stressful bc both families are 45m apart so we have to spend equal time at both which is impossible. Sigh. Next year we are so staying home and family can come visit. 

First. i think you should stay home for christmas. Fake sick, not unbelievalbe being pregnant. then Id try exercising then taking a bath And trying to have a destress weekend. I’ve also been doing yoga lately. The massage suggestion was genius. Might have to ask for it for a last minute Christmas gift. Feel better dear and if it doesn’t get better soon I’d talk to your doctor. 

 

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