Post # 1
First I want to say I love the term I read from another bee – “encore bride” Sounds so much better than second wedding. Anywho – I’d love some thoughts on Bridal showers. This is the situation…
I am an encore bride, we are having a very small wedding. The chapel actually seats only 12 people but there is standing room for up to 30. Since the ceremony will just last 10 mintues or so I don’t think this will be an issue. We have decided to make our guest list just 21 people. My FI has 3 grown daughters and they are married. I have a college age son and my parents. His parents are both in heaven. We met in a bible study group at church that still meets once a week three years later. We have decided that these 12 bible study class mates will be the only other guests , besides the above mentioned family ,since they were there the night we met and have watched us over the past three years as we fell in love. All of our friends and other family members know we are getting married and are keeping it very small. When we talk about wedding plans we quickly mention that the chapel only seats 12 and leave it at that.
Two of the women in the bible study group want to throw us a couples bridal shower. They said it would be a great way for those who are not invited to the wedding to celebrate with us. This feels wrong to me. If someone is not invited to the wedding isn’t it terribly rude of me to ask them to a shower? We have decided also to put into our invitations that instead of Gifts we would like donations to be made in honor of our wedding vows to the American Cancer Society as this is how my FI parents passed. I want to do the same IF we do decide to have a shower.
I would really like some opinions. I feel so torn. I don’t want to seem ungrateful to my two friends who want to give me a shower and yet I don’t want to insult family and friends by saying – hey come to my shower NOT MY WEDDING just my shower.
This is the only thing I have stressed about with regards to the wedding.
Post # 3
I’m an encore bride and have chosen to not have any showers and so far, nobody has pushed. Because these are women from your church group, normally I would say, “Go ahead and let them.” The other piece of it though – if you’re not planning on registering for gifts and would prefer to have donations made, that kind of eliminates the need for a shower (because typically a shower is thrown to shower the bride and groom with gifts.)
Perhaps you could suggest not having a shower, but some sort of celebratory get together with these women who won’t be invited to the wedding?
Post # 4
I am right there with you – we are having a small wedding of around 70 guests but my FI and I have worked for the same large corporation for 13 years. So everyone wants to help celebrate and throw a shower. I suggested that if they wanted to do a Happy Hour before hand for us that would be lovely but not a shower 🙂 We cannot invite everyone that wants to help us celebrate so we are only inviting people from work that we are social with as well and our direct supervisors. So at least 50-60 ppl are not invited (not including spouses) that might expect it for a big wedding 🙁
I am struggling with this as well!
Post # 5
could these 2 women not just throw you a party to celebrate your marriage, but not call it a shower?
Post # 6
I didn’t want a shower and didn’t have one. We don’t need anything. Heck, we need to get rid of stuff! The ladies at work did collect $ and buy a cake that we ate during our lunch break.
If I were you I’d tell the Bible study ladies exactly what you told us. You’re not comfortable with having a shower when you’re inviting so few people to your actual wedding. They just may not have thought of this and whether they have or not, you have the power to say yay or nay.
If they REALLY want to do something for you, suggest they throw you a reception of sorts a few weeks after the wedding.
Post # 7
I think ettiquette is that people invited toyour shower are invited to the wedding, except in the case of work friends (in which case it is understandle.)I would think that church friends would be similiar, since you can’t possibly invite EVERYONE at your church. Also, you are not choosing the guest so its ok.
My church threw us an “engagement party” with cake etc, and a group gift (gift certificate from the entire congregation) A handful of people gave us small gifts (candle holder, vase etc), candy. I think it was understood that they just wanted to celebrate with us, and that not everyone who contributed would be invited to the wedding,
I used to work for a large corporation, where almost every bride to be or mother to be was given a shower organized by the administrative assistant. The company paid for a cake and coworker pitched in $5 for catering and peopple would bring $10-$20 gifts or pitch in for larger ones. I never expected to be invited to a wedding or was offended if I wasn’t, even if I bought a personal gift.
Post # 8
Why not allow these two friends from the Bible study who want to host a shower for you to do so, but encourage them to limit the shower only to those IN the Bible study, since all of these individuals are already invited to the wedding? This type of an event would be a small, intimate gathering of those who are closest to you and your fiance, and it seems as if they truly do want to bless you. If you already have all of the household items that you need, perhaps these ladies could encourage the group to shower you with personalized notes/letters sharing scriptures and encouragement for your future marriage. Another gift that you may welcome would be books, DVDs, or CDs with the topic of how to have a wonderful Christian marriage. They may even consider combining their gift contributions to purchase something special for you and your fiance, such as a trip to an upcoming Christian marriage conference weekend event.
I was a 40something bride, and I had two showers. One was hosted by my bridesmaids, and only friends (primarily from the state where I resided) and my out-of-state family who were invited to the wedding received invitations to this shower. My second shower was given by the choir director and women choir members at the church in another state where my husband serves as senior pastor. Most of these individuals I really did not even know or knew only slightly, and only a few of them were invited to the wedding; however, the choir director really wanted to host this type of shower to bless the pastor’s fiance, and I was deeply honored to have been so blessed by these wonderful ladies.
Blessings on your upcoming marriage!
Post # 9
Such wonderful advice fellow Bees! I like the idea of having a “party ” but just asking my two friends from Bible study not to call it a shower. They wanted it to be a couples shower anyway, so this would seem to fit . I adore the idea of the books, CDs and other tools for building a strong Christian marriage. Our church does offer a week end retreat for couples to build a strong marriage – What an AWESOME gift that would be to recieve. Keep the ideas flowing ladies! I wish all of you many years of love and happiness in your marriages!