(Closed) I need help encore Bees – possible bridal shower causing major stress!!!

posted 7 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m an encore bride and have chosen to not have any showers and so far, nobody has pushed.  Because these are women from your church group, normally I would say, “Go ahead and let them.”  The other piece of it though – if you’re not planning on registering for gifts and would prefer to have donations made, that kind of eliminates the need for a shower (because typically a shower is thrown to shower the bride and groom with gifts.)

Perhaps you could suggest not having a shower, but some sort of celebratory get together with these women who won’t be invited to the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am right there with you – we are having a small wedding of around 70 guests but my FI and I have worked for the same large corporation for 13 years.  So everyone wants to help celebrate and throw a shower.  I suggested that if they wanted to do a Happy Hour before hand for us that would be lovely but not a shower 🙂  We cannot invite everyone that wants to help us celebrate so we are only inviting people from work that we are social with as well and our direct supervisors.  So at least 50-60 ppl are not invited (not including spouses) that might expect it for a big wedding 🙁

I am struggling with this as well!

Post # 5
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

could these 2 women not just throw you a party to celebrate your marriage, but not call it a shower?

Post # 6
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I didn’t want a shower and didn’t have one.  We don’t need anything.  Heck, we need to get rid of stuff!  The ladies at work did collect $ and buy a cake that we ate during our lunch break.  

If I were you I’d tell the Bible study ladies exactly what you told us.  You’re not comfortable with having a shower when you’re inviting so few people to your actual wedding.  They just may not have thought of this and whether they have or not, you have the power to say yay or nay.  

If they REALLY want to do something for you, suggest they throw you a reception of sorts a few weeks after the wedding.  

Post # 7
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think ettiquette is that people invited toyour shower are invited to the wedding, except in the case of work friends (in which case it is understandle.)I would think that church friends would be similiar, since you can’t possibly invite EVERYONE at your church. Also, you are not choosing the guest so its ok. 

My church threw us an “engagement party” with cake etc, and a group gift (gift certificate from the entire congregation) A handful of people gave us small gifts (candle holder, vase etc), candy. I think it was understood that they just wanted to celebrate with us, and that not everyone who contributed would be invited to the wedding,

I used to work for a large corporation, where almost every bride to be or mother to be  was given a shower organized by the administrative assistant. The company paid for a cake and coworker pitched in $5 for catering and peopple would bring $10-$20 gifts or pitch in for larger ones. I never expected to be invited to a wedding or was offended if I wasn’t, even if I bought a personal gift.  

Post # 8
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Why not allow these two friends from the Bible study who want to host a shower for you to do so, but encourage them to limit the shower only to those IN the Bible study, since all of these individuals are already invited to the wedding?  This type of an event would be a small, intimate gathering of those who are closest to you and your fiance, and it seems as if they truly do want to bless you.  If you already have all of the household items that you need, perhaps these ladies could encourage the group to shower you with personalized notes/letters sharing scriptures and encouragement for your future marriage.  Another gift that you may welcome would be books, DVDs, or CDs with the topic of how to have a wonderful Christian marriage.  They may even consider combining their gift contributions to purchase something special for you and your fiance, such as a trip to an upcoming Christian marriage conference weekend event.

I was a 40something bride, and I had two showers.  One was hosted by my bridesmaids, and only friends (primarily from the state where I resided) and my out-of-state family who were invited to the wedding received invitations to this shower.  My second shower was given by the choir director and women choir members at the church in another state where my husband serves as senior pastor. Most of these individuals I really did not even know or knew only slightly, and only a few of them were invited to the wedding; however, the choir director really wanted to host this type of shower to bless the pastor’s fiance, and I was deeply honored to have been so blessed by these wonderful ladies. 

Blessings on your upcoming marriage!

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