(Closed) I need help saying no to a destination bachelorette party… Yes, I am a baby.

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@beeshurt:  Can you offer to take her out for a girls party night in town before her wedding?

Post # 4
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beeshurt:  Say, “I would love to, but I really can’t afford it.  Buddy [obviously your husband] has to get his brakes replaced, so we just can’t.  I’m sorry!”

Then…if she offers to pay for you to go, you accept graciously.  If she does not, you invite her to come over for dinner one night.

 

Oh and make sure Buddy knows about his brakes.  They need to be replaced.

Post # 5
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Tell her that unfortunately, as much as you’d love to be there and celebrate with her, you simply can’t afford it right now. I’d then offer to take her out to celebrate in town, like VAwife suggested.

Post # 7
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@beeshurt:  For sure. It sucks saying no to people (I just had to do it for a girls weekend out of town with my friends), but you’ve got to. Just say “I know it’s a long way off, but Husband and I have a lot of expenses coming up – plus you know we’re trying to save for XYZ (an anniversary trip, a house, a new car, pay off student loans, etc). I just don’t think we can swing the trip”. She’ll say “Oh, no, what a bummer!” and you say “But I would love to have you come over for dinner/take you to a winery/go to a beer tasting/go out to the Melting Pot (because who doesn’t like the Melting Pot?) to celebrate. I know you guys will have a fantastic time without me, I’m bummed I’ll be missing it!”

And hey, maybe your friend will be relieved – maybe she realizes that you don’t mesh well with the other BMs and she’s worried it might be uncomfortable for you.

Post # 8
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beeshurt:  Hmm.  Not really.  “I’m sorry, Dandelion, but Buddy and I are saving to buy a [insert large item: yacht, vacation home, first home, bigger home, transformer, whatever] and I just know I won’t be able to afford it.”

Post # 9
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t recommend lying, I’d just be honest about it.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t make it.  I’ll take you out for drinks/dinner/whatever after you get back to celebrate instead!”

ETA-  Oh, I just saw your update that it’s next year.  Maybe plans will change before then and you won’t have to worry about it?  Either way, if you genuinely won’t be able to afford it, there’s no harm in telling her now!

Post # 11
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

I would say that you and your husband have committed to saving for x and that non-couple/work trips are something you guys jointly decided to cut. Add that since he said no to a trip already (vegas), that you’d feel really guilty reneging on your agreement and not doing the same. Tell her that you still support her and would love to make it up to her by treating her to your own little girls’ day: mani/pedis or a wine tour or something.

Post # 12
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

To add: I would NOT say you’re down and then flake out. Nothing’s more annoying/stressful than having people back out after plans have been made with a certain number of people in mind, and then either the remaining group gets stuck with splitting the costs of the person/people who backed out or someone needs to do some fancy footwork to rebook/plan things and bring the cost down.

Post # 13
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just lie, make up an excuse we can’t afford it right now we just loaned someone money to pay off whatever. you might feel bad about lying but you get out of the trip and they won’t think badly.

Post # 15
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sure she will understand. Any good friend woulnd’t want you to attend if you really didn’t want to, but don’t lie to her about your reasoning. 

I plan on having a destination bachelorette party, but I don’t want anyone to feel pressured to attend for any reason, whether is too expensive, can’t take the time for work, or even if they don’t want to go. 

Post # 16
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

I would say… ” That sound like a great time but we are saving for “this” and as of right now that isn’t something we can afford. If anything changes I’ll let you know but would love to take you out one night!” 

The topic ‘I need help saying no to a destination bachelorette party… Yes, I am a baby.’ is closed to new replies.

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