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I guess my first question is how did you come up with your original budget of 10-15k when you hadn't talked to your parents about it? Are you planning on contributing financially to your wedding? Is it a possibility?
I think saying that they are totally disregarding your feelings is a bit much. They are giving you money, 15k, which is a totally huge amount (can you imagine having to come up with that money on your own, or what they could do with all of that money besides pay for your wedding...). Of course there are going to be strings attached. Whatever you do, don't make this into a huge issue with your parents, or they may think you are ungrateful for all the money they are contributing. That would make matters much worse.
In the end you're going to have to decide what your priorities are, and what you are willing to sacrifice.
You said your original budget was $10-15K. Where did you come up with this number?
It sounds to me like you were assuming your parents would kick in $10-15K. And then you were disappointed because they can contribute that amount, just not in the time frame that is ideal for you.
I guess my point is, you need to decided what your budget is (based on what will actually be contributed, not what you want to be contributed). Your parents are under no obligation to fund your wedding. It is nice that they are contributing, but its not required.
If you want to get married this summer, then trim back your guest list and wedding plans to fit your actual budget. If you want a bigger budget, then wait until 2011. Decide what is most important to you and make it work.
Your parents are telling you that they cannot afford this until 2011-- just because you don't like that answer, it doesn't mean that they are ignoring your feelings, or that they don't care. If the money isn't there, it isn't there.
Many brides and grooms pay for their own weddings these days. I say take a look at your own savings accounts, and make a plan for how much more you can save in the next year, and then build your budget from there. Good luck!
I think you need to really weigh if having the additional (i'm assuming its additional since you said your budget was 10-15k pre parental input) income from your parents would be worth possibly missing out on having some people you seem to be very close with at your wedding.
To me, having my grandparents at my wedding was huge which is why we didn't push it back to 2010.. I'm so happy we didn't wait that extra year, since you never know what will happen.
That being said you don't know what will happen, who's to say the money will be there in 2011, God forbid they have some tough times or something, it's not a written in stone they will be able to give you that much, I know they promise and I'm sure they would do everything in their power to, but life is unpredictable.
I'm a fan of not postponing the wedding due to financial reasons, so I would thank you parents for their contribution, (even if it is only $5K) and do what you can...Most brides have to make some sacrifices (location, date, size) due to budgetary constraints...you're not alone.
It's a hard decision to make, but I don't think you should get too upset with your parents for their contribution...they're giving you what they can, and you have the ability to make the best of it!
Ultimately, i would make the decision with your fiance, and create your budget around the money that is available to you!
So is your budget $10-15K before your parents contribute, or were you assuming they would contribute that much?
I think you need to weigh your options. Either you can have a smaller wedding in 2010, or push it until 2011 and have some more money. I don't think your parents are being vindicitive...they just don't have the money. Summer 2010 is only 7 months away.
I had a 2+ year engagement mostly to save money, and I'm glad we did.
Well...it is already the end of 2009,so really summer oif 2011 is only a year and a half away! You can't wait that long? If you're depending on this $$ from your parents (I like how you said you asked how much she was 'willing to afford'), I guess if you would like to receive that amount of help,you have no choice but to wait. I also understand your concerns about special people in your life,but that can be true of almost anyone....things can change suddenly and drastically.
We're having 2 weddings within the year,so I know how your parents feel. It isn't easy to come up with large amounts of cash immediately,especially when all vendors want deposits (which in most cases are non-refundable).
You really have 2 choices....pay for it with whatever funds you have & accept whatever both sets of parents can offer you now,or wait.....
Like others have said, if they're only going to put the money up for this in 2011, then you either gotta pay for it yourself or wait.
I did want to mention though that it is a little bit ridiculous that they blew off the grandparents not being there argument so easily and are instead talking about a car. I can see why you are questioning where their priorities lie (EX: why not buy the brother a $5,000 car and give you whatever is left for the wedding?) but unfortunately it's their call to make.
I have to ask, do you think it might stem from any underlying issues about you getting married? Maybe they dislike your FI or think you're too young or something you haven't written?
I agree that you just need to choose whether having the $15k from your parents is more important than having a wedding in 2010, and you have good reasons for both, which is why the decision is hard. Is there anyway you can contribute $5-10k for your wedding? That'll cover $10-15k for what you want for next summer. Also, you said that your FI's parents are contributing so you may not even need to contribute $5-10k. It's very common for the bride and groom to pay for their weddings (in part or in full) nowadays, especially with how expensive weddings are, so I would definitely talk to your FI and see how much money you can put aside for it.
I apologize in advance if I come across as being harsh.
Personally, I think if you're old enough and mature enough to get married, you're old enough and mature enough to pay for it yourself, and any outside financial contributions should be considered a GIFT because that's what they are. A gift, not an obligation. Going this route also insures that you have the wedding you want, when you want, where you want and how you want, so long as you can afford it.
My DH and I had a 2-year engagement so that WE could save up for the wedding WE wanted. Yes, we did have outside help, but it was unexpected and unrequested, and we still paid for more than 2/3 of the wedding on our own by saving and sacrificing. That our parents were willing and able to contribute at all was a bonus, especially in this economy.
I do understand and feel for you when it comes to friends and grandparents potentially not being able to make it, but I don't think your parents are being unreasonable, especially in this economy. (Yes, I am stressing that point.) If what you really want are your loved ones surrounding you when you take your vows, then you CAN have the wedding next year on a smaller budget. If what you really want is a big expensive and lavish reception, then you're going to have to wait, I suppose.
Life's full of these kinds of choices, and they sometimes suck, but please put this into perspective. A long engagement is not the end of the world. Good luck and all the best.
I wouldn't go so far as to say they're disregarding your feelings. To be honest, you're lucky that you're getting anything from them. There are so many couples out there, my fiance and I included, who have parents who either are unable to contribute or refuse to contribute. In our case, I'm a little grateful because what you need to realize is that the person pulling the pursestrings is the person who has the say. You can't just take 15k from your parents and not expect stipulations. When you foot the bill, you make the rules.
You need to decide what is more important to you - your princess wedding or having your close friends by your side. You can still have a nice wedding with the 5k from your parents, whatever your in-laws-to-be can give, and whatever you can include yourself. It will be tough, but guess what? Life is tough, and if you think you're responsible and mature enough to get married, then you need to act like it and be responsible and mature enough that you don't have to rely on mommy and daddy. I don't mean to sound harsh; I really do feel for you because I'm going through almost the same thing. Like I said, though, it's going to be tough either way and it's going to be even tougher just to make the decision, but you need to figure out where your priorities lie.
In my opinion, I would have a smaller wedding. Usually "all-included-packages" aren't the great deals they're made out to be anyway. If you work hard and do your homework, you can find some really good deals. Figure out what's priority (photography, dress, flowers, location, food, whatever), focus on that, and cut down on things that aren't so important. I think it's better to have a smaller-scale wedding (intimate weddings are the new "in" thing right now anyway, with the worldwide economic crisis and all) and have your important guests in attendance, than to sacrifice their presence just so you can throw a fancier bash. In all honesty, girl, and I know this sounds cliche - a wedding is just a wedding. What's important is that you spend it with your loved ones, and your loved ones are not going to care how fancy your wedding is - it's just a day. It's the marriage that lasts forever. Five, ten, twenty years down the road, no one will remember what kind of flowers you had or what songs you played; they'll remember how happy you and your husband were to be spending such a special day with everyone you love. Maybe you could even talk your parents into using the money they would have been using for your larger 2011 wedding for a down-payment on a house in the future instead?
On another note, you should probably make a decision soon because if you do end up setting the date for Summer 2010, you aren't going to have a lot of time to plan, especially if you have to do a lot of legwork for a budget-wedding. It can be done, but it's best to get cracking as early as possible.
Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you!
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Ok here it goes, bear with me because this may take long (I'll try not to take up too much time writing my story), but I need your advice :)
I just got engaged a few weeks ago and my fiance and I are trying to set a date. Not that we're under pressure to set one but we had our hearts on having a summer 2010 wedding at a hotel that included EVERYTHING we could ever want: ceremony and reception at the same site, food is all included, complimentary hotel suite for him and I, free shuttles to bars and such if we wanted to go out, it's also right next to the airport so our out of town guests can get the free shuttle and not have to rent a car...etc etc. It's within our original budget of between 10K and 15K, so that's another plus.
The problem is when we sat down with my mom (my dad was elsewhere, either avoiding the topic or doing something else) we asked how much she is willing to afford, and she didn't give us an answer. We told her that my fiance's parents are willing to pay too, which is so awesome because that takes a lot of the financial burden off my parents shoulders. Just today I finally got a # out of my parents, they said they are willing to put down 15K on our wedding if we wait until 2011 (almost 2 years from now), that more than helps us out. The problem is...we don't want to wait 2 years to hold our wedding. My fiance's best man is in the Marines and will most likely be shipped out and may not make it if we wait, one of my bridesmaids is joining the Peace Corps and may not be able to have that time off if we wait, our grandparents are older and may not be able to attend if we wait (so sad), but when we voice this to my parents, they don't seem to care. They have told my fiance and I that they are buying another car for themselves because my brother's car is falling apart...and that's an expense that they have to make sooner rather than later....ugggh. Also, if we had the wedding in 2010, they said that they MAY BE able to only afford 5K, which isn't really doable around this area...
They seem to want to do the wedding only when it's good for them and totally disregard my feelings and my fiance's feelings. My in-laws support my parents to an extent, but also support what he and I want and are in agreeance with us. I have no idea how to move further with this process and am completely stuck with what I should do...please help if you can. I don't care what feedback you give, whether it's agreeing with my fiance and I, or whether it's agreeing with my parents.