Post # 1
Okay, I need help. I need support, perspective and ideas. This past week has been horrible.
- My husband lost his job. He is our ONLY source of income. His last day will be Friday. We have about one month of savings saved up. He is not able to claim unemployment
- Our daughter is going through many health problems. We got told eariler this week she may have Cerebral Palsey. They did some X-rays and found something. Not sure what so we are scheduled to meet with a specialist at the best childrens hospital in our state. Im so scared for her.
- The washer broke, my phone broke, and the lawn mower. We thought my lap top was also a gonner today but luckily that was saved! (Hmm may its my silver lining?)
- I’m currently going to school full time at night. I travel 45 min one way, 5 nights a week. This was something my husband and I chose to do so I could finish my degree and secure a better future for us. I’m in middle of the semester but feel like dropping out to save gas money. My husband doesnt want me to but I’m so scared money wise.
Usually I’m very good in tough situations but I’ve been a total wreck today. We don’t have the support of family really. I know it’s my job to support my husband but I’m feeling so frusterated. He’s had SO many jobs!! 14 in 8 years. Granted he’s a very hard working man but he’s very socially awkward and hard to communicate with. He lacks self confidence and can come acrossed the wrong way. I know this is why nothing has worked out for him. We can’t affored for him to see anyone. He is does not have insurance. I keep treading the line between hugging him and staying positive and screaming, crying and saying “BE DEPENDABLE!!!!”.
I really can’t handle life right now Help me see the good side of life please….
Post # 2
EllasGrace20: Hey hon, sorry things are so rough for you. I just wanted to speak to your daughter’s health issues. I have a severe degenerative spinal issue that was diagnosed at a young age. I just want to give you some perspective on medical stuff. I was told I would never walk again. I was told I would never live independently. I was told I probably would not even live past the age of 20. I was told I would never EVER have a normal life. It tore my parents up inside.
I am 27 years old. I live independently, and have since I was 18 years old. I went to college and lived in dorms. I have a job. I can walk, and more- in fact only 2 years after my 22 hour surgery I was dancing at a professional ballet school. My life has challenges, but it is my life. I also found a wonderful man who was willing and more to take on all that my life will bring.
My point is this, doctors do not know everything- they are not infallible. Always get at least 3 opinions before taking any kind of action. Take what they say with a GIANT grain of salt. They will always tell you the worst case scenario, because it is all that they know. It may not always come to pass.
Best of luck and love to you.
Post # 3
I’m really sorry life sucks right now.
Post # 4
I would go by what’s important. He doesn’t have a job are you going to lose health insurance now? He needs to find something immediately. If he has so many occasioms of being so socially awkward to the point that he cant keep a job, has he ever been medically looked over for some sort of mental evaluation. Maybe there is more of a reason than he is socially awkward and people take what he says the wrong way. Maybe he has never been diagnosed with something like autism but silently suffers and that’s why it is so hard for people to understand him. i have a family member that suffers and sounds like your husband. He can’t keep a job for much longer than 6-8 months. He’s smart but so socially awkward that things he says either don’t make sense or your slightly offended by it and he has no idea.
if it means losing everything if I didn’t, I would drop out of college until your feet are back stable on the ground. Losing your place of residence or not having money for food is 10x worse than dropping out of school for a semester. Get a part time job or find someone to help you with the baby so you can get a full time job will help a lot. Many churches offer programs at a fraction of the cost for regular child care or a close friend can help you with the baby.
Medical bills can be so darn expensive and your child needs this medical care so having a job is essential right now.
Just remember right now now it really sucks but in the end it will all get better. Nothing stays one way forever and your have the power to direct your life in whatever way you want!
Post # 5
I can speak to the unemployment thing, as that recently happened to me.
Apply for food stamps. That might not be fun or nice or sexy, but it is something to keep food in your mouths.
<br />Stay in school. When I lost my job, everyone encouraged me to stay and finish my Master’s. At that point, I would have ended up paying for the semester, and would have run into the issue of having to pay for the loans in six months. I would not have been ahead.
<br />As a student, you can qualify for an emergency or additional student loan. Although that isn’t fun or great, taking an extra 10k or whatever (1k) you need might be what it takes to get your family through this rough patch.
<br />You got this. I promise. Deep breath, take a long, relaxing bath… it might not be okay today, but it WILL be okay soon.
Post # 6
swonderful: Thank you! Your story is very inspiring. You sound like quite the trooper!! I’m really hoping things turn out well. I have faith they will. It’s just hard watching my daughter change. Her personality is literally changing before my eyes. She’s becoming very clingy and emotional. It all started after all the doctors appointments and proceedures. I just want my little girl back. =( We will for sure being getting multiple opinions. It’s only smart that we do.
Post # 7
Sheryl0013: Thank you for your response. I believe my husband suffers from extreme social anxiety mixed in with some sort of disorder. He’s very nice when he talks to people and is able to look you in the eye. He just has no idea what to say to anyone. He talks very quiet and mumbles horribly. It’s like he is over thinking what to say in a conversation instead of letting it happen naturally. Since he lacks confidence he comes across as very clumsy. He constantly makes careless mistakes and is very slow when doing tasks. But at the same time he’s a very bright man. He is literally the reason I am passing math right now. Thank you again. I love the support of the women here
Post # 8
I’m sorry things are so hard right now. I agree with the PPs that mention that your status as a full-time student may actually help you here. Can you take out a student loan? Some colleges and campuses offer emergency assistance to students. Can you talk to your advisor or your dean to see if there are any such programs? Often colleges would rather help students get financial assistance than see them drop out.
Is your husband actively looking for a new job? Does your health insurance come from his job? Can you get health insurance through your college, like a student plan, and add your daughter as a dependent? Actively exhaust all resources through the college. There are often more than people think.
Post # 9
With respect, if your husband isn’t capable of holding down a job on a permanent basis, you should really be looking for work so you can support your child.
Post # 10
EllasGrace20: Why did you go back to school?
According to you, it was to secure a better future. What will happen if you drop out? I think it will be harder for you to go back. Plus, you don’t want to waste the time or money you have already invested. It appears that you have more to lose if you stop now.At least try to finish the semester. Hopefully you can find resources to help you with the health challenges and financial challenges. All the best…
Also try not to worry about the medial bills. In the US you have many options. . People often feel pressed to pay the bills all at once. What they don’t know is you can get waivers/price reductions and payment plans. I know someone who owed tens of thousands and was on payment of only $25 per month.
Hopefully your daughter’s health improves soon so that you don’t have to worry about her health.
Post # 11
Oh goodness, we just got into another argument. He keeps telling me I’m not supporting him. He expects constant words of encouragement. He has been looking for a job over the past few days but I don’t feel he gets the weight of the situation. He’s SO SLOW. Seriously, everything he does is like half the speed of a normal person. And it’s not in a lazy bum way but in a physically, mentally processing way. I told him who he needs to call in the morning and that he needs to get the ball rolling. He started accusing me of damanding him of doing things instead of encouraging. So I asked him “What do you need me to say that wont damage your little ego?”. Okay maybe that wasnt the best thing to say but he needs to stop be a fricken little girl, grow some balls and HUSTLE!!
He thinks I’m a mess because I’ve cried alot today. Well I AM a mess. =(
Post # 12
EllasGrace20: first of all, I’m sorry to hear your daughter is having health issues. I sincerely hope everything turns out ok on that front.
With regards to your husband’a inability to hold down a job, does he recognize that he is clearly at least part of the problem? Is he willing to work to modify his behavior and improve his performance? In your previous post about his struggles at work it really sounded like both you and he viewed him as a victim in the situation. But, if he has gone through 14 jobs in 8 years, he needs to accept responsibility and be willing to address the issue. If he is not, then you need to seriously think about whether or not this is the life you want for you and your child. In light of the new information you provided in this post, it sounds like the abrasive “bullying” coworker may have been justified in his feelings, even if his delivery was inappropriate.
In the meantime you should both be out there looking for whatever work you can get to make ends meet for short term survival. The silver lining is that we are heading into the holiday season when tons of businesses are adding seasonal employees. One or both of you should be able to secure at least temporary employment.
Post # 13
HannahGrace: I totally get it. That’s my whole attitude too. I’ve also sent out my resume I told him that one of us WILL have a job by next monday. But that’s just my attitude though. I don’t mean to sound guyish but I really do have a “balls to the wall” mentality when times get tough. I said I am the other half of this marriage and one of us WILL support our children (We actually have 3 young kids). He takes that as I am not putting my faith in him.
It’s pretty split on here whether I should quit school this semster. The issues with it are that I would lose half of my yearly tuition. I was able to get some financial aid and I would lose it all for the year if I dropped now. It may sound petty but I’m doing really good too. I made the deans list last semester which I was so proud of. I never even made honor roll in high school.
Post # 14
WestCoastV: Yes to everything you said!! He says he knows he has social issues but we both know it’s something that needs to be delt with professionally. I’m glad you read the post about the jerk co-worker. While what that man said was WAY out of line and down right mean, I have to admit a little part of me was happy it happend. Is that horrible?? There has been many times I just want to chew my husband out with any and every profane word and insult I can imagine. But I don’t because that’s not me and thats not what marriage is about. My husband hasn’t said too much about what happend. It didn’t really seem to affect him that much.
Sorry I keep adding more and more….there’s just alot. My husbands last job before this was going pretty well. My husband left there to come to his current job because of pay and that it was first shift. My husband hated working third shift but he did it for about a year and half. When he left his boss told him that they will always need guys on third and if this next job doesn’t work out to give HR a call. Well I told my husband that he needed to call ASAP. I said “Why havent you called yet if you know that you could possibly go back?” and he said that we will call tomorrow and he hasnt thought about calling since he figured that he will always have that job. Then he goes “I hate third shift…..but if its what I need to do then I’ll do it”. There was just something about how he said that, that really pissed me off. I started saying how I don’t care if he doesn’t like third shift and I don’t want to hear about it. That ticked him off and again he said I’m not supportive…. GRRR.
Post # 15
EllasGrace20: There is no split as to whether you should stay in school.Each person who mentioned it, suggested that you stay in school.