Post # 1
I want my bridesmaids to be able to pick their own dresses. I’m having them wear a unified color (black), but no requirements for length, fabric, or designer, because it’s very important to me that they’re able to use dresses they already own–some of them don’t have much money. My mom has been opposed to this from the start, but I don’t want to make my friends spend $150 they don’t have on a dress. About a week ago, I found out just how dire my best friend’s financial situation is, and…yeah. It’s bad. Buying a bridesmaid dress would be a huge hardship for her, and I really really don’t want to make her do it. And she’s not the only one it’d be a hardship for, so us buying her dress is not a solution, we’d really have to buy them all if we’re buying one, since the cost is a hardship for 4 of the 6, and it’d seem super rude (I think, anyway) to buy 4 dresses but tell the other 2 girls they’re on their own.)
Anyway, I texted with my mom about all this yesterday morning, and she’s just so opposed to not having the bridesmaids match, or at least coordinate. She stopped responding to my texts, and when I called her later yesterday afternoon to tell her the results of a doctor’s appointment that she had asked me to keep her abreast of, she still didn’t answer the phone, call back, or text. It’s been almost 24 hours now, and she still hasn’t gotten back to me. I know that’s probably normal for some people, but it’s completely unprecedented with my mom. No matter how busy she is, she always calls back within a few hours. At first I was worried that there was something else going on…like she wasn’t calling back because she was in the process of rushing one of my grandparents to the emergency room or something (because that’s the caliber of emergency it would take for her to not call me back for this long…THAT’S how good she usually is about calling back promptly), but now it’s too long for even that to be the case. If someone in my family were missing or dying or dead, someone would have contacted me by now, which means that this cold shoulder is intentional, and actually is about the dresses. I don’t know what to do.
Post # 2
Does anyone have experience with Little Borrowed Dress?
Post # 3
brookeandemmett: Your Mom is using childish manipulative behavior to try to pressure you to change your mind. While you are HER child, you are not A child. Ignore this behavior. I mean, really? Can you think of any sillier behavior? And over what- a choice of dress?
Get over it Mom.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t worry that much. If you mom wants to be upset that your dresses won’t match, that’s her problem. I would say, if she wants to have some time to herself, let her have it.
Incidentally, your relationship will probably change over the years of your marriage and there will be times you don’t talk to each other every day.
Post # 5
She’s being crazy. Just let it blow over. In the mean time, maybe get some pictures of non matching black dresses in wedding? It looks amazingly good.
I’m kinda in the camp that there should be some kind of unified theme to dresses. However, one of my friends just said wear a black dress, and it looked gorgeous. It was truly amazing, I would never have guessed how unified black can look even without any guiding themes.
I’m not saying your mom is acting correctly, because she is being a big baby. However, maybe if she visualizes how unified the black dresses will look, she will cool down a little?
Post # 6
I wonder whether your mum would feel better if you had some kind of accessory for each bridesmaid that they all wore, so that at least they all had something that matched? Like a necklace or hair fascinator.
Alternatively, tell your mum that if she is that bothered then she can pay for 6 matching dresses.
Sorry you’re dealing with this when it sounds like you are trying to be a very accommodating bride to your friends.
Post # 7
Whatever you do, don’t change your mind on the dresses. You are doing right by your friends. Unless you/your mom wants to pay for matching dresses, you are doing the best thing.
Audrey2: Might be right here too–matching accessories/bouquets can bring a look together.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
It’s not your mom’s wedding, it’s your wedding. Not your mom’s friends, your friends. Not her memories, your memories.
It’s like a toddler screaming for a cookie: let her exhaust herself with her tantrum, then pick up the conversation when she’s ready to act like an adult. And good on you for sticking to your guns – I had to turn down the wedding of a very close friend because the dress was $180 (PLUS all the other expenses of being in a wedding) and it would be a “buy the dress but have my utilities turned off” experience if I’d done it. Your friends will remember this, and be grateful.
Post # 9
HBanan: Well, we don’t talk every day, but not responding to an in-progress conversation for a full day is what’s so unusual. And not returning my call about the results from my doctor’s appointment is even weirder.
Post # 10
lawyerchick13: Do you have pictures of your friend’s bridesmaids?
Post # 11
I’ve decided to go with Little Borrowed Dress. That way it’ll be less expensive for us to pay for all the bridesmaids’ dresses.
Of course, I’d love to tell my mom about this compromise, but I just called her again and she’s still not picking up. I don’t know what to do–she’s never done this before. Ever. Granted, I wasn’t a rebellious child or teenager or anything, but how is it that dresses seem to have made her more angry at me than she’s ever been before?
Post # 12
I think if your mom is THAT upset about it she should pay for the dresses. Even little borrowed dress. She shoudl pay.