Post # 1
Sorry in advance if this is too long. Facts about me to catch you up: 21 years old, full-time junior at a university, living in an apt with a mutual friend (who is nice but we are not compatible), 1 yr lease expires in July (must let them know in less than a week), been with my BF all through my community college and still at this university (dating for almost 2.5 years), SUPER conservative parents, been practically living with him at his apt for my entire junior year, my apt is WAAAAAAAAAY too expensive and I’m hardly ever here because my roommate is a loner and I want to be with my BF, part time job, paying for my rent, gas, groceries, loan to pay for tuition, parents pay for car insurance, phone, health insurance, and a few other things.
Here’s the dilemma: I am wanting to move in with my BF, his bro, and 2 other good friends. It will be much cheaper, convenient, closer to the college, etc. My parents are outraged. They are refusing to help me pay for anything anymore if I move in with him. They say that if I wait one more year, they will be okay with it. They think I am throwing my life away. They are so beyond hysterical about me living with him and sleeping in the same bed with him before marriage. They are worried about what people will think and they think that it is ridiculous that I am willingly making a morally incorrect decision. I still believe in God, but times have changed and I will be saving money (besides what they are going to make me start paying for), feel safer because I will be living with my BF, and happier. The problem is my relationship with my parents. I have had talks with them. I have tried to explain that I am doing this because it will make me happy and that it will be easier. They are desperate to convince me to live alone or somewhere else. They are willing to fork out more money than they safely can to keep me from living with him. I am just distraught. My dad is furious and won’t help me move and they won’t visit me at the new place. My friends are scared/not too fond of my parents because of how controlling they have been. They raised me well but I am growing up and changing. They hate it. I am going to have to figure out how to pay for the extra that they won’t support me on anymore. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? I don’t know how to get my parents to understand. I’m not a bad person at all. I am super compassionate and can’t stand that they are hurting about this but I know something like this will happen eventually. Thanks for your help.
Post # 3
I just don’t think you should move in with that many people your boyfriend and all of his friends. It will be difficult for you guys to handle any issues that arrise without everyone else there. I know it looks cool on the movies but not sure how it would pan out iin real life. Also if God is a factor… why not just trust him that if you do what is in his will for you to do and not take it into your own hands that it will all work out? I don’t agree with your parents on what people will think it is 2013 people won’t think anything… but I would say that finishing school with your parents help is the best choice that will hold you over the long run. Your boyfriend will still be there and you don’t want to look back and be 30 finally going back to school.
Post # 4
I am slightly in same situation…
Though I know it makes much more sense to move in with your BF and you have been practically living with him, staying over is a totally different story than moving in. My FI being just out of college is currently living at his parents to save some extra money. Though I practically live there with him, it still is not the same as if we had our own place. I know my parents and his strongly disagree about me and my FI as an unmarried couple living together (though some reason staying at their house is ok maybe because its “supervised”). I’ve heard it many times from my mother talking about some of my older siblings about living together with their BF/GF and her disapproval.
We are choosing to respect our parents wishes because I know in the end of it all waiting 6 more months until our wedding really isn’t going to kill me, we will be in good grace with our parents, and we have something to look forward to!!!
Like previous comment God will provide for your needs if you ask and have faith in Him. It always works out for your best when you do things in accordance to His will.
I’ll be praying for you that all works out for the best and that a healthier relationship between you and your parents will come out of it!
Post # 5
I’m coming at this from a totally different perspective then you as a not really all that religious person, with a not really religious family (but we still believe in God)
Your parents are the only ones you’ll ever have. It seems to me that though they’re pretty controlling, all they want is whats best for you. The logic they have of “you can live with him in a year and we wont care” and “what will people think” is massively old school and out-dated.
I think if you can grit your teeth and get through the next year in your current situation do it, just because it would be easier then moving if you dont have to. If I were you I’d just spend as much time as you can at your boyfriends/school/work and that’s it. Its only a year.
I don’t think if I were in your situation I’d be able to take additional money from my parents to get my own place if I knew they were over extending themselves financially. I have a feeling you’re probably the same way.
Its up to you to choose to stay where you are or get your own place. But I wouldn’t even entertain the idea anymore about moving in with your BF, it just doesn’t seem worth all the BS if you can just wait a year and do it smoothly, without stepping on any toes.
Post # 6
Yeah, I tried the moving in with SO and friends, it became a very HORRIBLE situation! Now, that could have just been the situation we were in, but the other guy was SO’s best friend and now they speak once every few months, maybe. If you move in with him, I would say you need to find a place together with no one else.
Post # 7
Honestly when my fiance and I moved in together we had several mutual male friends also living with us. It was never an issue. We did have a lot of strict rules just between us as a couple because we wanted to make sure it didn’t ever feel awkward for our buddies. It’s been probably three years since we started living together and we still live with buddies.
If your parents are anything like mine they’ll never accept it. I eventually cut all ties from my parents (I even call them by their names when normally talking about them) because it became ridiculous. Everytime I was sick it was either because I was pregnant or it was because since I was raised in church and it was my subconcious making me sick because I was going against god. I had several relatives ask me when the baby was due or give me their apologies about what they hoped was a miscarriage and not an abortion because my mother told everyone about my “pregnancies” (for the record I’ve never even had a pregnancy scare). There were a lot of other issues with my relationship with them as well though. Your relationship with your parents may end differently though. You are taking a chance of having things end basically the same way as mine.
Post # 8
If parents are helping I say stay at your place for a little bit longer. Could see about getting your own place. Living with guys can be a nightmare. It may be different once you move in. I would keep my place until, you both don’t need roomates. If you all moved in to some place with out roommates, I think that would be a better idea.
Post # 9
@mala1718: I moved in with my BF now FI and my pastor refuses to marry us.
I have to ask a complete starnger (and pay someone) to officiate at our wedding because my childhood pastor refuses to acknowledge these desperate economical times.
I am brokenhearted about it and it goes against everything I ever dreamed of – he was always the one holding the bible. I know some of you might think its stupid but I think I would have held out for another year if I knew this…