Post # 1
***a little back ground***my boyfriend and I have been dating for several years and been living together for the past 2 years. we own a home together and we skipped the marriage part. due to financial reasons he has not asked me to marry him but we both know we will spend the rest of our lives together. so we secretly started planning a wedding for this year.
We have meet with the father about this date and he put us down for this “wedding date.”……we didn’t realize how long it would take us to get back on our feet financially so we decided to extend the date for next summer (which we were extremly excited for because it gave us more time so we could have our dream wedding instead of settling also because we actually get to enjoy our engagement)….when we told our priest he encouraged us to stay @ the original wedding date because he felt it would be difficult for us to be faithful to the church’s teaching on sexuality and will be a deterrent to spiritual growth.
so this is where i need guidance or direction on what we should do. at this point I am lost and stressed because I do not want to plan a wedding in 7 months. and I dont know how to approach the father about this.
Post # 3
Be up front with him. Financially, you can’t afford to plan the wedding in seven months, and you have decided to hold off until whatever date you selected. Recognize his concern for your pre-marital chastity and commit to praying for help in staying chaste before your wedding and that you will do all you can to avoid temptation. I think if you tell the priest that planning the wedding in seven months causes avoidable stress and willl add financial hardship to your lives, he will (hopefully) understand. Good luck!
Post # 4
I second what abbie017 said. If that doesn’t work, you can always do a small Catholic wedding and then do a vow renewal in a year that you treat as the big wedding; you don’t even have to tell people you’re married if you don’t want to, and if you set it for the same date next year you don’t even need to worry about an anniversary mixup. I’d consider that a last resort, though, it’s obviously not the most convenient option.
Post # 5
@kersta92212: Getting married and staying in a state of grace is more important than having your dream wedding. If you approach the priest whinning about the cost of a wedding, you just look like a woman whose priorities are extreemly off. Remember, vanity is a sin. It does not cost that much to actually get married in the Church. It costs a lot to focus your attention on non-essential elements of a wedding and telling the priest you can’t get married yet because you aren’t finacially able to pay for non-essential elements of a wedding but would rather put yourself in more occassions of sin to pursue these elements only tells the priest that you are far more concerned about having your dream wedding than getting married and receiving the sacrament.
Remember bridesmaids, wedding dresses, flowers and a reception are all non essential elements. All you need are two witnesses, a priest, a church and each other. Of course its reasonable that you will want to actually celebrate the reception of the sacrament and include your family.
You need to demonstrate to the priest that getting married is more important to you than how your wedding day turns out. Remember, its ONE DAY of your entire life! Marriage is the rest of your life. So approach him showing him that you do indeed see getting married is important to you, but that you’re emotionally overwhelmed and desire to adequately celebrate the reception of the sacrament. It may help to assure him that you will take measure to live chastity – like moving out or at least moving into seperate bedrooms, going to confession frequently and not emphasising “we want to enjoy our engagement.” Perhaps “I don’t want to live my engagement constantly stressed out while hurting my relationship and growing distant from him because all I do is work and plan the wedding.” Give yourself a LITTLE more time. Stop caring about what season you get married during and what the weather is like. Delay it for the time you need but again forget the weather. Your wedding will be indoors anyway.
Anyway, that is my two cents.
Post # 6
@twoangels: I actually agree with this.
OP. I was in a similar situation. Fiance and I were living together and we decided we wanted to get married. Fiance had been laid off previously, but then got a new job. We underestimated the time that it would take to get back on our feet. We had already set our date with the church at that point. We only had six months to plan the wedding!
Fiance spoke to the father and he gave us a break on the cost of the church. Also, we are going with low-budget wedding ideas. In fact, we’re having our reception at the church hall.
To us, more important than a fancy wedding, was setting our relationship right with God, and making a covenant with each other and God to be faithful and committed to each other and above all else, to God. We have made a point to put God before all else in our relationship (which isn’t always easy…life is tough and temptations are there), but somehow our wedding planning is turning out beautifully and we can’t WAIT to get married. 🙂 I wish you luck OP, on your decision.