Post # 1
I need your help January brides!!!
OK… SOOOO not trying to be a downer but I have been dreading writing on the January board again. Mostly b/c I know that there should be nothing but excitement about our weddings, but that is not the case with me. My dad died very very suddenly 1.5 weeks ago. Last Monday, December 6. (Wow. Has it been that long already?) We decided to go on with the wedding b/c we realize that my dad was VERY excited for it. The wedding is now 23 days away and I’m trying to get back into final wedding things.
I had very little left to do (finalize vendors, make escort cards) but now I have to figure out who to have officiate b/c my dad was going to do that. We already know my big brother will walk me down the aisle. We are figuring out the father-daughter dance. The best we can come up with is that we will play the song my dad chose and I will rotate dancing with everyone in my immediate family. My mom and I thought about dancing together but we would be bawling the entire time. The dance would consist of me switching partners about every 30sec to 1min. Does this seem really cheesy? Its really hard for me to replace my dad with one person.
Regarding the officiant: we are considering asking either my brother-in-law/groomsman or the pastor from my church.
My brother-in-law is a pastor, he knew my dad, he knows us, and it doesn’t feel like we are replacing dad with a stand-in. On the other side, my dad and my BIL had differing opinions on some things. I agreed with my dad’s beliefs. My BIL was slightly different. Also, my BIL is very stoic in his teaching. My dad would have laughed, joked, and been very tender-hearted. My BIL also has never performed a wedding.
Our pastor has performed many weddings and has very much the same opinions as my father. He is definitely known to be light hearted and fun when the occasion warents it. On the other hand, he doesn’t know me and my FI very well and didn’t know my father at all.
What do you guys think? I need some help!
Post # 3
I would go with the pastor as he is more of a neutral and maybe as an outsider he will be able to perform the ceremony with understanding of the situation but with a different emotion then a family memeber would be having at the time.
Post # 4
Oh, sweetie, I am very sorry for your loss. That has to be so difficult, but it’s good that you’re moving forward with your wedding the way your father would have wanted you to.
I agree that you should have your pastor officiate. It sounds like would be your preference over your BIL anyway, so don’t worry about it needing to be a family member.
As for the dance, it’s really up to you how you would handle it, and I think that dancing with your family members would be fine.
However, I think if it were me I would have a hard time dancing with anybody to the song my dad picked without sobbing uncontrollably the whole time. I would probably prefer to do a tribute to my father by playing the song, but I don’t know if I could get up there and actually dance during it. But that is just me…
Post # 5
Tp I am so sorry for your loss…I am sending hugs and love your way. Stay strong and hang in there. I’m sure your father is looking down on you so proudly right now.
I also agree with having the pastor officiate. It sounds like that would be neutral as Tiny stated.
When it comes to your wedding, you should never worry about something being cheesey. If that feels right to you, DO IT. Personally, I would never ever think that dancing with family members during that song would be cheesey. I think you should do what feels right for you on your day.
Post # 6
TP – have you considered having your BIL and Pastor be co-officiants? Let each perform to their strengths as you have outlined them.
During the dance: you just make sure that you’re surrounded by love. It won’t be cheesy at all.
I know that even through all the sadness you have experienced over the last few weeks, your day will be beautiful. XXX
Post # 7
Oh I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. Don’t feel like you were a ‘downer’, that’s that the boards are for. We’re here to provide support for each other.
I totally agree with the idea of them being co-officiants. As far as the dance, if you aren’t ready to do a dance and make that big of a statement then you shouldn’t feel like you have to do the dance at all. If you’re okay with switching people through the dance then by all means you should do that. Just do what feels right for you, that is what’s most important, don’t think about what is ‘right’ or what other people think, just think about you.
My heart and thoughts go out to you in this difficult time. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Post # 8
Oh, I am sooo sorry for your loss. Your dad will be watching-I am sure. Personally my opinion from what you wrote: Have your pastor do the officiating. And I don’t know if I would do the dance at all. But do what you feel like doing-switching people if you are feeling up to it is definitely okay. Best wishes and prayers to you.
Post # 9
I know there’s no words I could say that would make things better, but, still, I am sorry that you’re going through this and I’m praying for you. You said that you’re dad was very excited so I hope that excitement will overflow unto your big day.
Even though you said your pastor doesn’t know you very well, I would say to go with him. You said he agrees with a lot of the same beliefs that you and your dad shared so it seems as if he would give you the essence of what he believed, in spite of him not being there.
As far as the dance, I agree with KansasPrincess11, if you’re not ready for that move yet, then don’t feel like you have to, even though it was originally planned. If you did choose to alternate during the dance, I don’t think it would be cheesy at all. As you said, you cannot replace your dad with one person, so it’s best you share that time with so many of those around you that you love and they love you.
I’m sure it’s hard to feel it now, but everything will work out in the end. You will be a beautiful bride, and when our time under the Sun is up, you will get to see your dad again!
P.S. You’re not being a downer AT ALL, thank you for sharing your feelings and asking for advice from us! 🙂
Post # 10
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I would agree with the previous posters that going with the pastor may be the best bet.
You idea for the dance isn’t cheesy, it’s very heart warming. However, if you don’t feel ready to do it at all, don’t feel bad cutting it as well.