I need some help please.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
41820 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sarahanne33:  So sorry. Call the police. Report the domestic violence. They will have him leave your place and find somewhere else to sleep. Tomorrow get a restraining order.

This is the beginning of who knows what domestic violence. It will happen again. He will apologize. It will happen again etc etc etc.

Please know that you absolutely can talk to your parents about this. They will be there for you. You have done nothing wrong. A mistake in judging his character is not a crime on your part.

Here is the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

http://www.thehotline.org/

If you don’t feel safe leaving a history on your computer, call them at 1-800-799-7233

Post # 4
Member
41820 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sarahanne33:  No, it is not your fault. He pushed you back against the tiles by putting hishand, with force, across your mouth. You were defending yourself.

Post # 5
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Leave. If you don’t leave then at least go get counseling together. And have him go to some sort of anger management. I’m so sorry!

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

He hit you so hard your nose bled, and he hit your head against the tiles. You need to report it, or get away from him now. Call your parents, relative, friend, or help line. You need to evaluate this relationship. It sounds toxic to me and with his behavior and strength, it’s not a good mix at all. 

Post # 7
Member
6864 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s not your fault, sweetie. He pushed your head back until it till it hit the tiles. It’s normal to have a reflexive response when someone injures you/ attacks you. Juliengave youmgood advice, call the hotline. You deserve to talk to people who understand. You deserve to feel safe all of the time. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  BalletParker.
Post # 8
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I understand how you feel. I know that feeling. I’ve been there. Thinking that maybe you overreacted first. But it doesn’t make it any more fair for him to hit you back. Especially not with the force that he did. By the tone of your post, you need to get out in any way you can. 

Post # 9
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Leave. Don’t look back. He showed you what he’s capable of. This will happen again if you stay. Don’t be ashamed. This is not your fault. Please go somewhere safe. I’ll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself!

Post # 10
Member
4842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

lexie1114:  

I have to disagree.  Couples’ counseling with an abuser is dangerous.

OP, you’re getting good advice.  Call the police & file a complaint.  Your local DV facility can help you with the restraining order.  Call the DV hotline ASAP!

Start making a safe escape plan.

He is an abuser & it only gets worse.

Post # 11
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee

Coming from someone who stuck around in a relationship like this: please leave him now. If you do not want to report him that is fine, but please do NOT stay with him. I did and it was the worst 3 years of my life, when I finally got the courage to leave my life changed so much for the better. 

 

I know it may seem like this was an isolated incident but I can promise you that it’s not. This will happen again, maybe not for a month or even a year but something will happen. 

 

It sickens me that he says he is not the only one to blame for this. This was the kind of emotional abuse that my ex put me through ALL the time (even when we just had little arguments, it didn’t always become physical) and it is SO wrong.

 

I am sorry, my heart goes out to you. xx

Post # 13
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

This guy is an abuser, and they turn on the charm to keep you around after treating you terribly. What to do about goods friends? Move on without them too. Not hard to make new friends; find a hobby, join a group, and make some new friends and get a real fresh start. 

If you want to go stay with your parents (like if you know he’ll raise a stink about the housing situation or something) just tell your boss the situation. If they’re understanding, that’s great. If not, well, there are other jobs out there. 

To make a long story short: nothing is worth as much as your life. Give up whatever you have to to keep yourself safe.

Post # 14
Member
4842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

ren89:  

This is so right.  I think the OP is still in denial about how serious this is.

As for getting your belongings, you ask the police to send an officer to be present to keep the peace.  They would much prefer preventing a violent episode to having to come out with a body bag later.

 

Post # 15
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sarahanne33:  I agree that you should report this and leave him. It’s in no way your fault, he pushed you and you were defending yourself. I know it’s not easy to move on from someone you’ve built a life with but this is the time to do it before anything else can happen. 

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