Post # 1
Hello. I just really need to talk to someone, and I can’t talk to any of my friends or family about this.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years now.
This morning we were having an argument, and I tend to just avoid confrontation so I started getting ready to take a shower and headed into the bathroom, he followed me in there and was still trying to argue with me, then he got angry and told me to stop yelling, and put his hand over my mouth quite hard that my head hit the tiles behind me.
I then slapped him hard on the cheek because he hid this, and he then slapped me so hard in the face my nose bled.
I started crying hysterically and he apologised and was trying to hug me/hold me but I just wanted him to leave me alone. I told him repeatedly to get off me and give me some space. I’ve been so speechless all day and I just want him to leave me alone. He keeps trying to talk to me and whenever he does it’s a cycle of “I love you” however “I’m not the only one to blame for this” and “you know that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you”, “are you just going to ignore me all day then?”. At one point he was so sorry he was crying and the next he is saying I am to blame as well and getting angry with me about various things. I just don’t even want to look at him.
My first thoughts was that I wanted to get and the car and just drive to my parent’s but it is hours away. And what would I say if I did? What will I do? What do I do about work? <br /><br />So I’m just sitting around feeling very numb trying to avoid him and I don’t know what to do or feel or think. <br /><br />We have had bad arguments often in the past. I grew up being physically abused and he knows this, and this is just horrible. I just do not know what to do right now. I want to disappear.
Post # 2
sarahanne33: So sorry. Call the police. Report the domestic violence. They will have him leave your place and find somewhere else to sleep. Tomorrow get a restraining order.
This is the beginning of who knows what domestic violence. It will happen again. He will apologize. It will happen again etc etc etc.
Please know that you absolutely can talk to your parents about this. They will be there for you. You have done nothing wrong. A mistake in judging his character is not a crime on your part.
Here is the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
If you don’t feel safe leaving a history on your computer, call them at 1-800-799-7233
Post # 3
julies1949: Is it my fault because I slapped him? I feel like it is.
Post # 4
sarahanne33: No, it is not your fault. He pushed you back against the tiles by putting hishand, with force, across your mouth. You were defending yourself.
Post # 5
Leave. If you don’t leave then at least go get counseling together. And have him go to some sort of anger management. I’m so sorry!
Post # 6
He hit you so hard your nose bled, and he hit your head against the tiles. You need to report it, or get away from him now. Call your parents, relative, friend, or help line. You need to evaluate this relationship. It sounds toxic to me and with his behavior and strength, it’s not a good mix at all.
Post # 7
It’s not your fault, sweetie. He pushed your head back until it till it hit the tiles. It’s normal to have a reflexive response when someone injures you/ attacks you. Juliengave youmgood advice, call the hotline. You deserve to talk to people who understand. You deserve to feel safe all of the time.
Post # 8
I understand how you feel. I know that feeling. I’ve been there. Thinking that maybe you overreacted first. But it doesn’t make it any more fair for him to hit you back. Especially not with the force that he did. By the tone of your post, you need to get out in any way you can.
Post # 9
Leave. Don’t look back. He showed you what he’s capable of. This will happen again if you stay. Don’t be ashamed. This is not your fault. Please go somewhere safe. I’ll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself!
Post # 10
I have to disagree. Couples’ counseling with an abuser is dangerous.
OP, you’re getting good advice. Call the police & file a complaint. Your local DV facility can help you with the restraining order. Call the DV hotline ASAP!
Start making a safe escape plan.
He is an abuser & it only gets worse.
Post # 11
Coming from someone who stuck around in a relationship like this: please leave him now. If you do not want to report him that is fine, but please do NOT stay with him. I did and it was the worst 3 years of my life, when I finally got the courage to leave my life changed so much for the better.
I know it may seem like this was an isolated incident but I can promise you that it’s not. This will happen again, maybe not for a month or even a year but something will happen.
It sickens me that he says he is not the only one to blame for this. This was the kind of emotional abuse that my ex put me through ALL the time (even when we just had little arguments, it didn’t always become physical) and it is SO wrong.
I am sorry, my heart goes out to you. xx
Post # 12
Thank you all, I really appreciate your comments. How do you leave someone and move on in a city where we have so many mutual friends that were his to begin with and everyone thinks the absolute world of him? Who do I turn to for support? He is also not the type to let me go easy, is there a way to leave and then legally organise a way to collect belongings later?
I am so utterly exhausted of his roundabout emotions. It is just ridiculous to have someone treat you badly one second, but then be lovely to you the next. It makes me feel frozen to the spot.
Post # 13
This guy is an abuser, and they turn on the charm to keep you around after treating you terribly. What to do about goods friends? Move on without them too. Not hard to make new friends; find a hobby, join a group, and make some new friends and get a real fresh start.
If you want to go stay with your parents (like if you know he’ll raise a stink about the housing situation or something) just tell your boss the situation. If they’re understanding, that’s great. If not, well, there are other jobs out there.
To make a long story short: nothing is worth as much as your life. Give up whatever you have to to keep yourself safe.
Post # 14
This is so right. I think the OP is still in denial about how serious this is.
As for getting your belongings, you ask the police to send an officer to be present to keep the peace. They would much prefer preventing a violent episode to having to come out with a body bag later.
Post # 15
sarahanne33: I agree that you should report this and leave him. It’s in no way your fault, he pushed you and you were defending yourself. I know it’s not easy to move on from someone you’ve built a life with but this is the time to do it before anything else can happen.