Post # 1
Hi ladies, I need a good vent!! Over the past few months I feel like I have been getting a lot of negative feedback from my FBIL about our wedding. I try not to talk about it around him and his wife but it is hard because he is always around my bridal party.. And my FI wants him to know what is going on since he is a groomsman. I feel like him and his wife dont understand why we are spending the money we are on our wedding (we are a bit in debt). They had a fairly small wedding and they just didn’t put that much work into theirs (They also didn’t pay for their own which we are). That is fine- But what I want is different than what they want!! And I KNOW its our wedding and eff them we can do what we want, but it is so hard when people you are going to become a family with disaprove.
a) We are having a band for the cocktail hour and a DJ for the dance- FBIL is like “why, cant you just have CD player?” and rolled his eyes.
b) We told him our venue location and he said in a judging tone “my that sounds expensive”
and just things like that.. If he ever found out I have two dresses he would die!!
Just needed a good rant!! FI understands where I am coming from- But it is his brother so he tries to stay the middle man.
Post # 3
If you are paying for everything and are happy with what you are doing, there is no reason he needs to know anything. He may be a groomsman but seriously, why does he need to know anything but what to put on, where to show up, and what time to be there? It’s people like that that made my husband and I elope. Everyone had an unwelcome opinion about what we were planning and we got sick of it…
Post # 4
My Poppy always said: “Weddings sure bring out the worst in a family. Everyone sticking their noses in where they don’t belong. ….”
sadly too true!
Post # 5
Sounds like he knows you’re in debt, and doesn’t want you to get more in debt for your wedding. Maybe he’s worried about his brother, who knows. In anycase, I would just shrug it off and ignore him.
Post # 6
Your money is your business, not theirs. Just ignore your FBIL and try not to let his negative attitude bother you.
Post # 7
a) B/c we want a band and a DJ and NOT just a CD player. Do you want to man the CD player? I didn’t think so.
b) It’s actually perfect for our budget, but thanks for sharing your thoughts about our wedding!
Or you could just punch him in the face :o)
Post # 9
I’m with bostonmom, he is most likely worried about his brother since you guys are already in debt. I would feel the same way if my brother were in debt and was spending lots of money on a wedding. I think he is just concerned
Post # 10
“Thank you for your concern (because we are going to assume the best here and assume it’s concern and not that you are being judgemental), but we’ve worked out a budget we are comfortable with. We’ve made that decision with the budget in mind.”
Post # 11
I, too, agree that he knows you are in debt and thinks it’s unwise to drive yourself further into debt for a wedding. He is concerned about his brother (and probably you) and it just expressing it poorly.
After all is said is done, a wedding is a one-day event, and if you’re already in debt, it could take you months or years to pay it off. A better thing for him to say might have been, “I know it’s your wedding, but I am concerned about what’s going to happen when the bills start rolling in. Are you guys going to be able to afford all this? Maybe a band OR a DJ would be better than both. And perhaps we could help you find a venue that is nice but a little more affordable. Maybe two dresses isn’t a good idea when you are already low on funds.” But he’s a guy….they say what comes to mind without thinking about how it sounds. Without knowing him, I can’t say for sure, but to me, he sounds like a worried brother and nothing more. Listen to the message behind what he’s saying rather than the actual words coming out of his mouth.
If you guys know your financial situation, are comfortable with spending the money you are spending and are comfortable with what it will take to pay off the additional debt, and if you guys won’t later be going to family members asking for money to pay off said debt, then the decision of what to spend on the wedding ultimately falls to you and your husband-to-be.
Post # 12
Like Dr. Joy says, “smile and act stupid,” which means just smile and act like you didn’t just hear the rude comment your FBIL made.
This has been my mantra during the wedding planning process.
Post # 13
As long as you and your FI are happy with what you are doing, then do it and dont worry about what anybody else thinks. You know what you two want out of your wedding. Go for it.
I guess I can understand their worry if you are already in debt.. But its not their business and they could express it in a diffrent way.
Post # 14
I’d say “You’re not paying for anything so shut your whore mouth”
Post # 15
We arent that bad in debt- Mostly student loans. We have a payment plan for it and we both have good jobs, and we are paying for our wedding all in cash- We wont be racking up any further debt.
Post # 16
You made a valid point- I realize that its just one day- But we are comfortable with what we are spending. And as it says in my post we are a little bit in debt- Really nothing too bad. Its all student loans/ credit cards from being in school. It just makes me mad because he knows we have a payement plan for our debt and it will be payed off BEFORE the wedding- With enough money to spare.
We are only probably spending about $5000 more than they did on their wedding.. But they have no concept of that since they didn’t pay for their own.