Post # 1
As the name implies, this is an anonymous post.
I feel ridiculous right now. In the many, many years FI and I have had together, I’ve never really been inclined to have my eyes wander elsewhere. Except, recently I’ve developed a rather giant crush on a coworker with whom I’ve been assigned to do several projects, and I just can’t stop thinking about this person. I’m pretty sure that the crush is mutual, but I don’t want it to be.
I’m sure I want to marry FI, and I would never, ever cheat on him. However, I would like to find a way to keep my mind from wandering. I don’t have the option to not do projects at all, nor can I do them alone or with anybody else.
FI and I have an LDR due to his job, but I’m moving out to where he is after the wedding. However, the wedding isn’t for a while, and I’m at a loss for what to do until then. I’m sure it would be less bad if I could see FI more often, but that’s simply not possible at this point.
Has anybody else been in this situation? If so, what did you do to make it stop? I don’t want to think like this, but I’m not very good at controlling my own thoughts.
And, if anybody is willing to offer a good, solid talking to, please do.
Post # 3
Sorry to hear you’re having problems. I’m not sure if I can give the best advice, but I can tell you that I’ve been in a similar situation before. Unfortunately, in the past I’ve developed crushes on co-workers or classmates pretty easily… BUT, I’ve always been able to control it. It never got to a point that I actually attempted to pursue anyone. It was mostly just random thoughts about the other person.. nothing that was intense or consuming my thoughts for large amounts of time. ETA: I’ve actually not had this happen while with my FI, though… we’ve been together for close to 2 years and during that time I guess I just haven’t worked with or come into close contact with anyone I was attracted to.
I honestly don’t think that your crush sounds like anything you should be worried about. I think that being attracted to someone other than your FI is natural and it’s going to happen every now and then in life. As long as you can control yourself and not alow the thoughts to totally consume you, you’ll be fine. Especially since your FI is far away.. I think when you’re together again, this co-worker will easily fade from your mind.
Post # 4
I had a very similar problem. All you can really do is try to limit your interaction with the crush. Yeah, you have to work with him, but you can keep your relationship as boring and professional as possible. Just don’t feel guilty, because you really can’t help who you’re attracted to. Stay responsible for your actions, though. I think coming here to ask for help was a great step in the right direction. 🙂
To help keep your mind from wandering: Think about how your FI would feel if you cheated (even though you’re not going to cheat!). Think about how he would feel if he even found out you were crushing on someone else. THEN think about how you would feel if he was crushing on someone else, or if he cheated. That kind of thinking really snapped me back to reality. Good luck!
Post # 5
You are human. Crushes happen.
What makes you a loyal partner is that you are not going to give into temptation. Cut yourself some slack- the infatuation will be over in no time.
Post # 6
@MrsOliveBird: i agree wholehertedly. crushes happen the inportant part is that you dont act on it.
Post # 7
Dont let it leave the workplace. Dont email or text or have phone calls. If you keep it strictly in the work place and push yourself to keep the convos very light then it wont go anywhere.
Post # 8
@MrsOliveBird: <— absolutely. All the way.
Acknowledge that you have this crush, and then leave it be. It’s not going to go anywhere, so go ahead and let yourself crush a little. It’s going to work itself out of your system much quicker if you stop obsessing over it.
Post # 9
I think the long distance relationship makes any relationship more difficult and since they arent in your eyesight on a daily basis your eyes tend to wander. I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with my FI and the thing that helped me was knowing that no matter who the guy was he would not measure up to how much I love my FI and how good he treats me. I think of the risks. You may have this huge crush, but would this guy make you happier than your FI, would he understand you like your FI does? The idea of even having to start a relationship with another guy and have to play the whole getting to know you card made me NOT form crushes. I have a guy who completely understands me, makes me happy, and loves me. I’m sure you do as well otherwise you wouldnt have said yes when he put a ring on your finger 🙂
Post # 10
@MrsOliveBird: Yup!!! I couldn’t have said it any better!