(Closed) I need someone to talk to! No access to a mother!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would urge him to stick it out a bit longer. My FI does not transition to new jobs well at all. He hates it and wants to quit for quite a while after he starts. With his latest job it took him almost 3 months to settle in and find his place with the company. He works in construction building materials, so there is a lot of testosterone around like I imagine there would be in the poilce academy. He did not have an easy time fitting into the pecking order. Is is possible that your FI could be having the same kind of  problems?

Post # 4
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is a tough one. What exactly happened that made him change his mind only after a month and a half? I think he should try to stick with it a little while longer if he is just unsure but if he really wants out then I guess there is not much that you can do. Sorry I could not be more help!

Post # 5
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

oh man 🙁 I’m sorry that this is stressing you out – this IS a stressful situation. Maybe I would sit down with him and lovingly remind him of why he went into it in the first place – it was his dream. He doesn’t want to live with regrets. Does he have a plan if he leaves – it is a financial burden for you and you would really love his support in that. Ask if he would consider sticking it out, because often the first little bit is to get rid of the less dedicated – maybe he just needs to make it through this part and then he will find his passion again. Good luck 🙁

Post # 7
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

I cannot tell you how many times I have given up too soon, and I regret it so much. I would encourage him to stay but if he really can’t stand it, have a major fail-proof plan to step into next.

Post # 8
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@LDMTNBRIDE:  My FI had a particularly rough time of it with this job because he was jumped levels. Usually you have to start off part-time before you can go to full-time. He was hired right away as a full-timer. He’s been there for 5 months and he just got promoted to first assistant manager of his department. When he was hired he was supposed to go through a several month manager-trainee program, but he couldn’t do the program until he finished his degree which was supposed to be in May, but has been delayed due to the hectic-ness of his promotion. He was also promoted to first assistant over a man his father’s age who has been with the company for 20 years. His second assistant was demoted to the position from being first assistant in another department.

The transition has been really rough for FI and he feels a lot of pressure at work. Some nights he comes home and tells me how he worked four hours of over-time just so that the general manager could rip him apart for 20 minutes and how he can’t do his job properly. When he gets like this I try to remind him of a compliment the GM told him last week, or how there was a big problem that he solved. When he’s just generally feeling incompetent I remind him that he would not have been promoted the way he was if his superiors didn’t see something in him.

Try to remind your FI that he got into this extremely limited program for a reason, and he wouldn’t have been admitted if they thought he wasn’t dedicated or capable.

Post # 9
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would tell him to try and stick it out. Be supportive of his concerns and feelings, of course, but he should try to get through.  From my limited knowledge, the academy is designed in tiers.  It’s supposed to be really difficult in the first 3rd, a little less scaretactics and drill in the second 3rd and more like actual job training in the third 3rd. It’s designed to break people and make them question themselves and their job choices.  Being a game warden is often isolating, so it would make sense that the academy wants to try to break people.  If you can’t handle the demands and you’re lonely and scared and drop out of the job soon after starting, the state has wasted money.  It’s really important to weed people out, so I think your fiances feelings are normal but also expected.

I hope you guys can reach a sense of peace with whatever decision you make.  Best of luck.

Post # 10
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would actually support him in whatever decision he makes.  If he is truly unhappy for whatever reason, it shouldn’t matter whether it would make you disappointed or not.  Maybe he saw a culture he wanted no part of, maybe he got scared at the thought of something happening to him and him having to leave you and his future family behind – who knows.  The point is your support will meant more to him than anything else.  And if he’s making a mistake by quitting, it’s a mistake he will learn from.  I just don’t see how you can do anything but support his decision to do something else.  At least, that’s what I would do.

Post # 11
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@LDMTNBRIDE:  This is on the dress board; you would probably get more responses in emotional or relationships, perhaps?

And to comment on your predicament, I would ask him to please stick it out for a while.  A month is not enough time to really know if it is what he wants or not…

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with the fact that the program will try to break him.  They want to weed out the weak links.  Sounds like he is just tired and feeling defeated-rightfully so.  He has gone full-fledge with no time to transition or get used to the enviornment.  Give him continuing emotional support, but encourage him to follow through-for himself.  If he wants to make a change later on, by all means.  At least he will have no “what ifs” or regret when it comes to his dream. 

Post # 13
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Maybe he just feels over whelmed and disillusioned about his dream job. I would urge him to stick with it. Remind him why he chose this career and tell him to give it a few more months and see if he still feels that way. 

Post # 14
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Encourage him to stick it out. My ex who I dated for 7 years became a police officer while we were dating and I was with him while he went through the police academy. The police academy is designed to get people who are not committed to the profession and lifestyle that comes with it to quit. Almost half of the police officers who went to the academy with him ended up dropping out before graduating. Most of these quit within the first few weeks. It is hard – both physically and psychologically. There was a point when he was beaten down and almost quit, but he followed through and was successful. Remind him that this is just a step to his dream job. Sometimes we have to do things in life we don’t really want to do in order to reach our goals.

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