Post # 1
So I really could use a mothers advice right now, but sadly that is not an option. I have been dealing with this issue for the past few weeks and I can’t do it alone anymore. Luckily, there is a wedding site where fellow brides can help me out!
My fiancé got a job as a game warden after two years of trying. About 300 people apply each year and only 8 get in. He went to college hoping to land a game warden job when he got out.
Now, he is in police academy and tells me that he wants out. He is only a month and a half in. They have given him SO much free stuff, a computer, a gun safe, guns, bullet proof vests, gun belts, and lots of other things. If he quits now, he will have to pay more than what he made to the state for the psychological tests and the academy. Not really an issue, I can afford it.
I just don’t understand. He has always wanted to do this and now he is saying he is afraid it is too dangerous, he doesn’t want to work the long crazy hours, and he just wants to be with me and our future family. I love him to death and will whether he quits or not but I just don’t get it. Right now, in his academy, he is going through what police officers do. So it doesn’t even apply really. Towards the end of the academy, it will be more of the things he will be doing on a daily basis. Then, he will go through three months of “job shadowing,” where he will work with game wardens in different areas of the state. I feel like he should at least wait until the end of the year before he makes his decision.
If he does wait that long, we will owe the state $80,000 for wasting their time. So at that point, I would hope that he could do two more years and transfer out so we don’t have to pay anything. I just don’t see how he could want this for a lifetime and now that he has it, want to throw it all away. The division of wildlife is a small enough community where he would probably never be able to get another job working there if he does quit this one. He will do whatever I tell him to do but I don’t want to force him to do anything. I would die if I told him to stick with it and something did happen. It is law enforcement so there are dangers. I am just so mentally exhausted from all of this. I don’t want him to know how disappointed I would be. One of the best parts about him is that he inspires so many people to follow their dreams.
Post # 3
I would urge him to stick it out a bit longer. My FI does not transition to new jobs well at all. He hates it and wants to quit for quite a while after he starts. With his latest job it took him almost 3 months to settle in and find his place with the company. He works in construction building materials, so there is a lot of testosterone around like I imagine there would be in the poilce academy. He did not have an easy time fitting into the pecking order. Is is possible that your FI could be having the same kind of problems?
Post # 4
This is a tough one. What exactly happened that made him change his mind only after a month and a half? I think he should try to stick with it a little while longer if he is just unsure but if he really wants out then I guess there is not much that you can do. Sorry I could not be more help!
Post # 5
oh man 🙁 I’m sorry that this is stressing you out – this IS a stressful situation. Maybe I would sit down with him and lovingly remind him of why he went into it in the first place – it was his dream. He doesn’t want to live with regrets. Does he have a plan if he leaves – it is a financial burden for you and you would really love his support in that. Ask if he would consider sticking it out, because often the first little bit is to get rid of the less dedicated – maybe he just needs to make it through this part and then he will find his passion again. Good luck 🙁
Post # 6
Sounds exactly like what he is going through! I am thinking about talking him into seeing a counselor to make sure he is not depressed. That is the only other thing I can think of.
Post # 7
I cannot tell you how many times I have given up too soon, and I regret it so much. I would encourage him to stay but if he really can’t stand it, have a major fail-proof plan to step into next.
Post # 8
@LDMTNBRIDE: My FI had a particularly rough time of it with this job because he was jumped levels. Usually you have to start off part-time before you can go to full-time. He was hired right away as a full-timer. He’s been there for 5 months and he just got promoted to first assistant manager of his department. When he was hired he was supposed to go through a several month manager-trainee program, but he couldn’t do the program until he finished his degree which was supposed to be in May, but has been delayed due to the hectic-ness of his promotion. He was also promoted to first assistant over a man his father’s age who has been with the company for 20 years. His second assistant was demoted to the position from being first assistant in another department.
The transition has been really rough for FI and he feels a lot of pressure at work. Some nights he comes home and tells me how he worked four hours of over-time just so that the general manager could rip him apart for 20 minutes and how he can’t do his job properly. When he gets like this I try to remind him of a compliment the GM told him last week, or how there was a big problem that he solved. When he’s just generally feeling incompetent I remind him that he would not have been promoted the way he was if his superiors didn’t see something in him.
Try to remind your FI that he got into this extremely limited program for a reason, and he wouldn’t have been admitted if they thought he wasn’t dedicated or capable.
Post # 9
I would tell him to try and stick it out. Be supportive of his concerns and feelings, of course, but he should try to get through. From my limited knowledge, the academy is designed in tiers. It’s supposed to be really difficult in the first 3rd, a little less scaretactics and drill in the second 3rd and more like actual job training in the third 3rd. It’s designed to break people and make them question themselves and their job choices. Being a game warden is often isolating, so it would make sense that the academy wants to try to break people. If you can’t handle the demands and you’re lonely and scared and drop out of the job soon after starting, the state has wasted money. It’s really important to weed people out, so I think your fiances feelings are normal but also expected.
I hope you guys can reach a sense of peace with whatever decision you make. Best of luck.
Post # 10
I would actually support him in whatever decision he makes. If he is truly unhappy for whatever reason, it shouldn’t matter whether it would make you disappointed or not. Maybe he saw a culture he wanted no part of, maybe he got scared at the thought of something happening to him and him having to leave you and his future family behind – who knows. The point is your support will meant more to him than anything else. And if he’s making a mistake by quitting, it’s a mistake he will learn from. I just don’t see how you can do anything but support his decision to do something else. At least, that’s what I would do.
Post # 11
@LDMTNBRIDE: This is on the dress board; you would probably get more responses in emotional or relationships, perhaps?
And to comment on your predicament, I would ask him to please stick it out for a while. A month is not enough time to really know if it is what he wants or not…
Post # 12
I agree with the fact that the program will try to break him. They want to weed out the weak links. Sounds like he is just tired and feeling defeated-rightfully so. He has gone full-fledge with no time to transition or get used to the enviornment. Give him continuing emotional support, but encourage him to follow through-for himself. If he wants to make a change later on, by all means. At least he will have no “what ifs” or regret when it comes to his dream.
Post # 13
Maybe he just feels over whelmed and disillusioned about his dream job. I would urge him to stick with it. Remind him why he chose this career and tell him to give it a few more months and see if he still feels that way.
Post # 14
Encourage him to stick it out. My ex who I dated for 7 years became a police officer while we were dating and I was with him while he went through the police academy. The police academy is designed to get people who are not committed to the profession and lifestyle that comes with it to quit. Almost half of the police officers who went to the academy with him ended up dropping out before graduating. Most of these quit within the first few weeks. It is hard – both physically and psychologically. There was a point when he was beaten down and almost quit, but he followed through and was successful. Remind him that this is just a step to his dream job. Sometimes we have to do things in life we don’t really want to do in order to reach our goals.
Post # 15
Thanks guys! I got his mother involved, even though he didn’t want to talk to her about it but I couldn’t handle that much on my shoulders. He thanked me that I did and it really calmed him down. He has also agreed to see a counselor about it. He did a lot better this past week and I know he is going to make it through this. Thanks for all of your support! I sincerely appreciate it!