I need to get this out of my head before I go insane.

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

He married you, he loves you, and you know him. If, and it is a massive IF, he ever does anything that might seem suspicious then is the time to worry. Not now. Chin up, believe in him, in your relationship but most of all believe in yourself.

Post # 4
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@LadyBear:  I agree with your turn in thinking completely, you married a good guy who loves you, but you never truly know if a man will cheat.  And hey, you never know that he hasn’t cheated already!

 

I’m not trying to be a jerk, just realistic.  Like you said, you don’t want to be naive. *Shrug* Something we have to live with.

Post # 5
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LadyBear:  i wonder this sometimes. when there is a post about cheating on the bee, every single woman is sure that her man would never ever do that (and it can go on for pages and pages). statistically i think probably some of them are wrong

i dont think my DH cheats – but  then i wouldn’t know necessarily/ He is frequently away on business and half of the time works at home, the rest in the office. I have to trust that he is in fact going to the office/meetings/

i think trust is a great thing/ blind trust not so much. so trust in your SO unless there are a lot of signs to the contrary and then look in to it

Post # 6
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@LadyBear:  Honey, you’re going to drive yourself crazy if you keep worrying about all of this crap….and that’s what it is…crap.

There is NOTHING you can do to stop your DH from stepping out on you if that’s what he’s going to do….you just have to have faith that sort of thing isn’t what he wants, and focus on being happy together….that’s it.

Post # 7
Member
6747 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Every woman is convinced her man would NEVER cheat.  But you know that a bunch of them are wrong.  I do think a lot of women are naive.  I also think this about women who think that something must be wrong in a marriage for a man to cheat and that a woman always has warning signs.  But I also don’t think you should lose sleep over it.

Post # 8
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I thought about couples I know with infidelity, cheating was pretty much always a symptom of a larger problem… generally a sexless marriage or an emotionally distant one.  Granted, those people also thought their significant other would never cheat, but for those of us on the outside, it was not a surprise at all.

 

One thing I’ve talked about with my fiance is that I think cheating is one of those things that could happen to anyone.  But it’s also something that we have a lot of control over, just by being aware of the other person and the unsafe conditions you’re putting yourself in.  I don’t think cheating is only done by these immoral psychopathic monsters… you’re right that theyre normal people, and it could just as easily be us.  We’re all capable of it, but a lot of people don’t cheat too.  I think the best policy is just to remain open and connected at all times, even when the going gets rough.  And keep the sex flowing!

 

Post # 9
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your right, you cant actually know and I think anyone that says their DH would never cheat is naive and not doing themselves any favors.

HOWEVER, what you can say is that “I am an active part of this relationship and I am working to make it as strong and healthy as possible. And currently, I have every faith and trust that my DH not only loves me, but is faithful to me.”  

And being aware that situations change and people change will help you to not take your relationship for granted so that you are always working on making your marriage strong. Its important to be aware, but dont let that awareness become paranoia.

Post # 10
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Nope. My experience is that you always know. You might not know he’s cheating, but you will know something is wrong long before it all comes out in the wash. You also know the guy you’re with. Some guys will take any opportunity to cheat. Others would only consider it if their marriage was on the rocks and they are starting to think about moving on, on some level. Others would never do it, even if they were stranded on a desert island with a bunch of supermodels. You know the one you’re with…

… so let it go.

Post # 11
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@LadyBear:  I think you need to stop reading certain things on the Bee!! It’ll make you nuts!

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LadyBear:  There are no guarantees in relationships. As sad as it is, you never know what someone else is going to do with 100% certainty. I’m sure no one would be engaged or married to a man they thought would cheat on them. Of course it’s possible, but stressing about it won’t do any good. If someone is going to cheat, then that’s what they are going to do and all the worrying in the world won’t make a difference.

There are certain careers that seem to have a higher instance of cheating, such as police officers, firefighters, etc., but that is not a guarantee that it will happen. I work in corporate and trust me, there are plenty of respectful folks who cheat while they are away on business (and sometimes even when they aren’t). You know your relationship and while there is no way to 100% “cheat proof” your relationship, you can do whatever is in your power to keep your bond strong.

Post # 14
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you generally a good judge of character? As much as I trust that my husband won’t cheat, I also trust my ability to judge another person’s character (his, in this case). That more than anything is what keeps me sane.

Post # 15
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@ThreeMeers:  “what you can say is that ‘I am an active part of this relationship and I am working to make it as strong and healthy as possible. And currently, I have every faith and trust that my DH not only loves me, but is faithful to me.'”

I agree with this.

And also I think you need to have faith and trust in yourself that if it does (god forbid) happen, you are strong enough to get through it and eventually be ok.

Post # 16
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I understand the worry.
My father was police officer and I swore I’d never be with one because he cheated constantly and my firm belief was they all do.
HOWEVER- I am now engaged to a police officer. (go figure, right?) and he is nothing like my father.

I get the whole career thing but it really is not about the career, it’s about the person.

Just breathe 🙂

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