Post # 1
So FI and I decided to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. We just don’t get the whole “last night of freedom” thing; for us, that was gone a long time ago. And we have a bunch of mutual friends, so we thought it would be fun to get everyone together, eat, drink, and just hang out. Well, my Fiance asked his brother to be his Bridesmaid or Best Man a while back, and he said only on the condition that he “throw him a bachelor party and keep his phone” (so I can’t call…whatever!)
Anyway, Fiance told him that he did not want the traditional party and that we wanted to do a joint one. He agreed (or so we thought). Now, come to find out, he’s planning him a party anyway. I’m really upset about this. I’m probably blowing this a little out of proportion because I have pretty negative feelings toward the Bridesmaid or Best Man anyway (there was a situation not that long ago, where he said some pretty nasty things to me about Fiance..not cool)
The thing that upsets me, is Fiance has made it clear that this is what he wants. Not what his brother is doing…but he’s doing it anyway. I’m just getting so pissed because every aspect of this wedding is about what someone else wants, not what we want. Why can’t people just respect our wishes?!
I’m at the point where I don’t even want to have a party, because it’s about what other people want. It has nothing to do with us.
Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent. I never really realized how stressful wedding planning can be! Thanks bees 🙂
Post # 3
Ugh that really sucks. My immediate thought is that if Fiance and you have both expressed your wishes, make sure the rest of your wedding party is on board and that your friends know. Your Future Brother-In-Law isn’t going to get very far with a bachelor party when he’s going to be the only person attending. Secondly, can you go over his head to your FMIL?! I know it sounds silly, but maybe if his mom tells him to get over himself he’ll get the message. LOL!
Post # 4
Well, your Fiance can always not show up to the other party! Has he talked to the other GMs and made his wishes clear?
I can see why it would be a bummer for the GMs to not get the regular bachelor party. Do they know your female friends well, or is it more like two separate friend groups? If the guys mostly know each other but not the girls, maybe it makes sense to do two separate parties?
Post # 5
Wow. Your Future Brother-In-Law has some boundary issues! I think your Fiance needs to step up on this one, talk to his brother, make very clear that he will NOT be attending the bachelor party that he said he didn’t want, and then see how far FBIL’s planning gets. I wish him luck throwing a bachelor party with no groom in attendance! Honestly, this isn’t okay. He’s flouting your wishes, and your FI’s wishes, and he’s being disrespectful of you and your relationship. All bad. Fiance needs to say something. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!
Post # 6
IMO, the bachelor party is more for the guys than for the groom. So I wouldn’t be surprised if they guys were a little bummed that they’re not getting to do the traditional night of debauchery ;o)
Can you do both parties? The joint one and then have Fiance attend the one his brother is planning?
I’m not a believer that the b-party is a “last night of freedom” but it is a great excuse to get all your friends together and act ridiculous ;o)
Post # 7
@bakerella…unfortunately, I don’t think it would work talking to Future Mother-In-Law..he doesn’t listen to her anyway..lol. He’s almost 40.
@girlwitharing…it’s not really like 2 separate groups, most of the people are couples, so we have a lot of mutual friends. He only has the Bridesmaid or Best Man and one Groomsmen and I have the Maid/Matron of Honor and one bridesmaid. We have made it clear to all of them what we want, but I guess they don’t care
I just talked to my brother who is the Groomsmen and he asked what does it matter to me if it’s separate. This planning has nothing to do with me.