Post # 1
One of my BMs majored in fashion design in college and recently graduated. She is a decent designer and a decent sewer, but I wouldn’t classify her as "the next great fashion designer" (not yet, anyway, and I think she would agree with me). This weekend another BM excitedly told me that Fashion Designer BM offered to make her dress for the wedding. Now, I’m allowing my BMs to pick their own cocktail length black dress. However, this is not what I had in mind. Here are a few reasons why I have a problem with it.
1. This BM is not "model-esque" so to speak. She is around 5’3, big chest, short torso, short legs, and heavier. I’m just not sure Fashion BM is capable of making a wedding-worthy dress for this body type. I’m sure she’s used to fitting actual models, or girls with the "typical" model body (5’10, 100 lb).
2. Fashion BM lives in NYC, the other BM lives in Ohio. When would they do fittings? Neither BM have the funds to travel back and forth often.
3. As I mentioned above…she’s not the greatest sewer.
I’m not sure if this BM is trying to save money or something (we didn’t get a chance to talk about it further), but if that is the case then I’ll help pay for it. I would just really like my BMs to buy dresses off the rack, professionally designed and constructed. I’m not sure how to tell this to the BMs without hurting any feelings. Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks, ladies 🙂
Post # 3
Is it too late to "suddenly" fine the "perfect dress" that you would like them all to wear?
Post # 4
Your wedding isn’t until next May – you have plenty of time to change your mind about the dress policy. I would personally change it to "You can choose your own black cocktail dress out of these 5 that I have prechosen".
Post # 5
How many BMs do you have in total?
Making a dress isn’t easy as 1-2-3, I think she’d agree with me 100% ! I think you should just be straight forward with them and let them know you don’t want to put the burden on any one BM. If you think this will hurt them, turn the dress hunting into an event they can do with you. Take a trip to the mall together!
If you only have 2 bms – maybe this is a chance your fashion BM can show people what she can do? I work for a fashion company and we have lots of aspiring fashion designers here. Many of them aren’t real real professionals yet but I’ve seen some of their work and some of them are simply amazing. No way of giving your fashion BM a chance?
Post # 6
That is a tough situation. By allowing them to choose their own dresses, you have to brace yourself for dresses that you are less than thrilled about. That was one of my main deciding factors against letting my BMs choose their own dresses. I don’t think you should tell Fashion BM that her sewing is less than par, but you should try to talk to the other BM about the dress situation and explain to her why you’d rather have her buy a dress off the rack. I would focus mostly on point 2, less on point 3, and much less on point 1 (since you will probably offend her with that one).
Post # 7
I don’t know – you may be underestimating your friend’s ability to make a dress for someone without a "model-esque" body type. Can you get her to do a sample dress for your approval and then evaluate the situation? I think, since you are allowing your BMs to choose their own dress, they may be pissed if you now step in and say actually no you can’t pick your own dress if so-and-so is making it. That I think would piss them off AND hurt your designer BM friend’s feelings. You’re going to need to do this a bit more diplomatically, and maybe actually give your designer friend a chance to prove that her education was worth something, if you don’t want all your BMs to call you a Bridezilla behind your back (or to your face).
Post # 8
Great points, ladies 🙂 To answer a few questions, etc:
-There are 6 BMs total.
-I’m definitely not saying she isn’t talented. I’ve seen her work (I’ve modeled for her portfolio, even), and she definitely has some nice pieces. Lord knows I couldn’t do any of what she does.
-I want to stick to them picking their own black dress, but was planning to email them within the next month or so outlining the look I’d like to achieve.
-I agree with you, Karina. Focusing on point 2 is probably the best argument.
-I was hoping to go shopping with this BM because she has trouble fitting her body (not being mean, just a fact of her life) and I think going together would be beneficial to both of us.
Thanks again, and keep it coming if anyone has more thoughts.
Post # 9
Yup, I’d be worried about point 2 also, since it’s not like they live nearby and can do regular fittings.
Both of my aunts are amazing seamstresses and they each have made beautiful BM dresses for several weddings. However, they have always done so with ladies who can stop by for fittings. Especially with your BM being a more curvy lady, it’s important to make sure the fit is right on her so she looks and feels beautiful and comfortable.
And with your Fashion Designer BM not being the most wonderful with sewing skills….that would worry me.
I would gently suggest a "fun girl’s day out" dress-shopping with your BM, and let her know your concerns about fitting a dress that would be make hundreds of miles away. Good luck EAQ!
Post # 10
When I was in a wedding where the bride allowed us to choose the dress, we still all ran them by her. She was pretty laid back, but I think we all understood that she had final veto power. Anyway you can make that clear? Your friend may surprise you with her ablity, but any chance you can make a situation where you can say no if it’s weird? Also, is your friend likely to notice if it’s badly fit and want to wear something else? If yes, I doubt yuo ahve to worry…
Post # 11
That is tough. I wonder too, if your designing Bm might be able to handle this better than you think. Maybe she could send you sketches?? I would think in school she would have learned something about what looks good on certain body types. (But what do I know? I never went to fashion design school or anything.) Also, what’s to keep her from making her own dress?
I think you might be able to get away with convincing them that this isn’t a good idea, because it would be too much work. (And you don’t want anyone stressing around your wedding.) Or it would be difficult to work out since they don’t live close together.
But, unfortunately, I think there’s a good chance that someone will get their feelings hurt. (Particularly designer BM.) I think she might feel like you don’t trust her designs or sewing ability. If this subject has already been broached, can you say you’ve changed motified your guidelines, without making it look like you’re trying to escape the friend’s design?
Could you say OK, but tell them you want to work with them on the design? Then all you would have to worry about is the sewing. And I imagine that she couldn’t do that bad of a job. At leat not so bad that another seamstress couldn’t fix it.
Other than that, I would hurry up with your dress requirements, and perhaps come up with a couple that you friend would likely not want to work with when designing a dress. (Ie. floor length dresses, and your friend happens to hate making floor length dresses.)
Post # 12
Am I crazy that I don’t think this is the biggest deal? I’m sure that your BM in Ohio has decent judgement and no one will care more than her if she looks crappy. She’ll hightail it to the store to find a dress the works better. (Which should be easy since you are the nicest friend ever and chose black! Go you!)
And if the dress does work, then that’s great too!
I really don’t see a huge problem here and I think you might get yourself into drama with two friends for nothing.
Post # 13
Again, thanks for the input, girls. I definitely could be overreacting. I wasn’t there for their conversation, so maybe Fashion BM said it in a joking manner or wasn’t really serious (which, knowing her, could very well be the case). I think my biggest fear is that the dress won’t look "finished" or "dressy" enough for my fairly formal wedding. Tanya, your idea of working closely with both BMs is a good idea. Another worry I have is that Fashion BM just moved to NYC, she’s looking for a full-time job, and when she gets one I don’t know if she’ll have the time to make a dress for another person (I know I have over 10 months but…I don’t know.) cbgg, no, you’re not crazy 🙂 I’m the crazy one, lol. I actually told her (in a joking yet serious way) that she needed a back-up dress. Fizcis, I definitely plan on emphasizing them running the dress by me before they get it (or that they make sure it’s returnable.) I’m trying to keep this wedding as drama-free as possible and I’d hate for this to cause any. This bride has got some thinkin’ to do.
Post # 14
Honestly, if I were your bridesmaid I think I would just want you to pick a dress at this point. I know you said that you wanted them to pick their own black dresses but you are sending them an outline of what you want and having them run it by you before they buy or buy a dress that they can return if you don’t like it. It seems like you are picking out their dresses anyways. I am a bridesmaid and a bride right now and I know that I don’t have time to be dealing with this ordeal with getting a dress. I think you are creating drama for yourself and your bridesmaids. I mean what are you going to do if one of your 6 bridesmaids gets a dress that is not so great. How are you going to say that you don’t like it and can you please go return it and get another. I know that as a bridemaid I would much prefer just to where whatever you picked just to avoid all this.
Post # 15
1.It sounds like you don’t sew, so maybe you can use that to your advantage in dealing with designer BM. You can ask all about the project in a curious/impressed way, like you are just interested in the process, but simultaneously get her to think a little more about the tough questions (how will you do the fittings, how long will it take, what if you get too busy, etc).
2. Can you send some dress ideas to your bridesmaids? I did this, mainly to give them ideas– I was totally prepared for them to pick their own stuff, but they are now all gravitating towards one of the dresses I showed them. I think that worked because it was easier than looking for something else and worrying about whether I’d like it.
Hope that helps! Good luck!