Post # 1
I made the stupid mistake of asking my half-sister to be in my wedding. We were engaged and had our date set for over a year and a half before the wedding.
Some of the basics to understand my rant:
I’m a 25 y/o graduate student in an MD program, meaning I have no job, no income besides loans, and my fiance is also a student that is currently looking for a job. My sister is in her mid 30s and not in school. She’s been a “sister” less than most.
When I got engaged over a year ago, I asked my sister and my oldest niece (age 18) to be in the wedding. A few weeks ago, I called my sister to give her the info for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and etc. She then proceeded to ask if I was paying for her dress. When I said “No?” she immediately began to sigh and say “well, then I will need to ask mom for money for the dress, shoes, makeup and gas in addition to a hotel room because I can’t afford it”. Keep in mind, I told her when we got engaged that the dresses, etc are the Bridesmaid or Best Man responsiblity. Then she proceeded to tell me that it was “wrong” that I didn’t ask my 12 year old neice to be a bridesmaid. As if it isn’t my choice? Which is funny, considering she can’t afford her own dress but wants me to foot the bill for everything.
My parents and Fiance parents have been kind enough to fund the wedding for us, and I’m deeply humbled by their contribution. I can’t imagine asking my mom to pay for my adult sister’s every need and want for the wedding when she is fully capable of working and saving money on her own. (When she isn’t smoking 2 packs a day and smoking pot regularly, but that is another story).
The phone call ended up with me being really upset because she said that my niece (12 year old) doesn’t have to come to the wedding because she doesn’t like me. Seriously?
I’m at my witts end. I feel at this point that I would rather not have her be in my wedding. I can barely afford my own tuition, rent and food, let alone support my adult sister.
Sorry, I needed to vent.
Post # 3
Sorry you are having to go through that. I know how hard family can be when dealing with a wedding, but the Bee is a great place to come for when you need to vent it out.
Post # 4
I’m sorry your going through this it really sucks when your sister can’t be there for you when you really need her. How old is she? i ask because she might be jealous that you are on such a great path, MD program, a fiancee and she’s apparently at home smoking weed with no prospects
Post # 5
What a ridiculous situation. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Especially when you told her upfront about the costs. I’m sorry she’s using your neice like that. How sad. Sounds like she needs to grow up!
Post # 6
She is 33. I am pretty sure you are right. She’s always been like that, but especially since the wedding started.
Post # 7
Wow! How irritating! Some people just don’t get it, no matter how hard you try.
Post # 8
I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, vent away that’s what we’re all here for. Weddings have this way of bringing out the crazy in people unfortunately.
Post # 9
Ug, that sucks. I can’t believe that kind of behavior. I mean I believe you, but it’s just so awful.
I also can’t imagine being 12 and not liking my aunt, I’m thinking your sister is projecting.
If she’s jealous, well…I feel sorry for her that she can’t pull herself up enough to be happy for you.
Post # 10
The words also came from my neices mouth, unforunately. She said that I’m mean and she doesn’t have to respect me. And that if she isn’t in the wedding, she isn’t going at all. Along with her not going to my wedding makes me look bad, not her.
I give up on the whole family.
Post # 11
God this all sounds so ridiculous. Are you having any friends in the wedding that you can delegate dealing with your sister to? You shouldn’t have to deal with this type of bs especially as your in med school to boot! Sounds like your sister is super bitter and possibly, just from the general comments, not all that functional.
I kinda think you should just say to her that you “totally understand” if it’s too much for her, stress and money, and if she wants you’d be happy for her to play a different role such as doing a reading at ceremony. My guess is she might get a grip because even if she acts like it’s a big imposition, this sounds like the biggest thing happening in her life right now and I doubt she will want the attention of bridesmaid stripped…
As for the 12 yr old, I think her lack of respect and maturity ( even for a 12 year old!!) just further prove why your decision not to include her was best! then again your sister is probably coaching her into it, so it’s kinda sad for her too, being a kid! Tough one..so sorry!!!