(Closed) I need to vent

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  Sounds like she isnt a very good friend. I wouldnt worry about it. I would have just dropped her completely instead of making her a bridesmaid. I get that you dont want her to drop everything for you, but she cant take the time to go to your bachelorette party because she already has plans. That blows.

Good luck

Post # 4
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That really sucks, I’m sorry she’s doing this to you. I’ve had some issues w/ BMs but nothing this bad! It seems like she really doesn’t want to be a part of your wedding. I would nicely ask her to step down as a BM. You need people who will be able to spend more time with you during this stressful time. Two of my BMs are long distance, but they always answer my calls and have been there for me in that way. I wouldn’t do anything to damage your friendship further, just kindly ask her to step down. She’s clearly unable/unwilling to be there for you right now : ( Best of luck to you hon, I hope things work out. Either way, have fun with the other girls in your bridal party who want to participate! : )

PS: I’m so envious you’re going to Kleinfelds! Have an awesome time!

Post # 5
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had a flaky BM too..it sucks. Just don’t invest too much energy in worrying about her as she probably won’t change. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@mayflowerbride13:  Your doing good!  Don’t let her ruin your fun…there are people on this planet, who for some reason or another can’t see past their own noses…let her go wherever the hell she wants, the point is whatever she does, it’s all about her….and I think that is marvelous!  I sincerely hope that she has a wonderful time with herself!

Post # 9
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sounds like she has other things going on. I wouldnt take it as her not caring about you, per se, just her not caring about your wedding. She’d rather spend her money on herself and the trips she chooses to go on, than things she’s “forced” to. She’s made that pretty clear, with skipping NYC and giving up MOH status. Maybe you’re just missing the hints/clues she’s dropping? 

Post # 10
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

She’s done you a favor in letting you know you’re not a high priority for her.  Now you know she’s not a person you should ever make sacrifices for.  It’s disappointing, but at least now you know.

Post # 11
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

lol I think if I went I’d spend the whole time looking for Randy haha

It sounds like your other BMs are really doing a great job to make your pre-wedding events amazing. Focus on the good and try to ignore this girl : )

Post # 12
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s fine for you to vent, you’re allowed to have your feelings!  On the other hand, she’s allowed to live her life too.  Without knowing why she’s going to Vegas and Australia, and with whom, it’s hard to say whether or not it’s reasonable or “trumps” your bachlorette and shower plans.

And not directly specifically at you OP, but I also think that there is a huge trend towards asking a lot of our attendants and some people just can’t or don’t want to fulfill such big obligations.  Using myself as an example, I make a good living, but I wouldn’t choose to travel to New York and Vegas without my partner….it’s a lot of money to spend when we ourselves haven’t had a vacation together in 3 years.  Having said that, I would be supportive wherever and whenever I could be.  

I hope the rest of your planning goes more to your expectations and you can enjoy this time.

Post # 15
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If she is not there for you in anyway, I would just leave her out of it. Or if you still want her at your wedding, just give her the info for your plans and then its up to her to go or not. She might be jealouse and just being bitter. When someone accepts to be your MOH or BM, they know the responsabilities that postion comes with. You told her ahead of time about your trips and she gave excuses more than once why she can’t or didn’t go. Even lied to you. Its obvious that she’s not supporting you as a friend. If she didn’t want to be apart of your bridal party and didn’t have money to spend, she shouldn’t hace accepted. Its not about her living her own life or she has the right to make plans herself, but to accomodate for your wedding plans since she is part of your party. Especially that she’s planning her plans and trips after knowing your plans. 

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