(Closed) I need to vent about my future in-laws!

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Are your in-laws providing any of the traditional/modern wedding costs? If so, which ones? Or not?
    Liquor : (18 votes)
    9 %
    Rehearsal Dinner : (93 votes)
    47 %
    Flowers : (8 votes)
    4 %
    DJ : (9 votes)
    5 %
    Photography : (11 votes)
    6 %
    Attire : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Venue : (10 votes)
    5 %
    Other : (34 votes)
    17 %
    They are paying for half : (12 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Hmm…so, you’re going to get a lot of people telling you that you in-laws owe you squat. I’m sorry, but you and your FI are the ones getting married. Your in-laws have every right to spend their money on what THEY want to spend their money on. If it’s not your wedding, then so be it. I understand that it really stinks, but we didn’t get much from my in-laws either, and it’s b/c they truly didn’t have the money. If you say that you accept that, then you need to and move on. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I totally understand the frustration, but in this day and age it is not expected that the parents of either side contribute to specific/set/required parts of the wedding. It’s your wedding, your day, and you should figure out what you can afford and pay for it. My FI and I are paying for every single one of the things you listed by ourselves. In the year we’ve been planning the wedding, my future inlaws have remodeled two rooms of their house and my parents have bought a vacation house. Do I wish they were contributing money to the wedding? Sometimes. Could they afford to give money if I threw a hissy fit and demanded it? Probably. Am I mad that they’re not contributing or holding it against any of them? No! It’s their money! Beyond that, neither side has any idea of a single one of the plans for the wedding– I have planned every detail and chosen every part of the wedding on my own. A little sad to not have family involved, but it is making the wedding so much more MINE than other peoples.

    As for many of your other complaints, I would try to remember that these people are your family now. Being bitter about their behavior will just create hostility and awkward family gathering. Let them do their own thing and go about your life how you want.

    I do truly feel sympathy for you, it sounds like a frustrating situation, but I would just take some deep breaths and remember that their behavior is out of your contorl and all you can do it let it go.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1831 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    oh wow.

    i’m so sorry that you have to deal with these jerks!

    do they live close to you? hopefully you can just avoid them as much as possible post-wedding…

    Post # 7
    Member
    10289 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I actually lol’ed at “I have seen a trip to Mexico purchased, an above-ground pool put in, and countless bottles of Captain Morgans emptied“. Are you seriously judgeing these people because they’re enjoying a few bottles of rum?! That blows my f’ing mind. 

    This is your wedding so it’s solely your (and by that I mean you and your FI) responsibility to fund it. It’s great that your parents are picking up the tab but you shouldn’t have expected anyone to. Contributions are generally offered, not asked for. 

    Stop picking apart your IL’s because they opted to treat themselves to some luxuries instead of forking over their hard earned money for your wedding. If your attitude IRL is anything like what you’ve portrayed in your OP, I don’t blame them for not contributing. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Honestly, I’m approaching my wedding with the idea that nobody should have to contribute anything. I’ll pay for it myself. If anyone wants to contribute, that will be a blessing, but not a necessity.

     

    I would do everything in your power to foster a POSITIVE relationship with your FI’s family… they’re about to become your family for life too.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Sorry while it may be annoying and frustrating to you see them spend THEIR MONEY on other things it’s their right. I think holding them to the same standard as your parents isn’t fair.

    As annoying as it may seem they are obligated to dish out for your wedding. As for Taxes clearly after this year your Fi isn’t going to let them claim again.

    ps: My inlaws are covering some cost, as are my parents but eighty percent of the wedding is being paid by us. YOu asked them to contribute they turned it down, just let it go.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @Miss Luck of the Irish:  I can definitely understand how sad that would be to watch your FI’s parents act like they don’t give a crap about their son’s successes and upcoming wedding.  It would hurt my feelings too if I were in your place. I’m sure you deep down understand that it’s not a requirement that parents of the bride or groom put forth any money toward the wedding, but it is still nice and appreciated if they graciously do so.  Especially after they offered.  Or maybe at least act like they are interested, care, and are happy for you guys.  I’m sorry you’re not getting that.  I don’t have any “words of wisdom” on how to help the situation, but just want to give a little support.  Hopefully you’ll still be able to enjoy planning the next few months, and know that you are so very lucky to have wonderful parents supporting you guys both emotionally and financially! 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    517 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I agree with the above posters, they don’t owe you squat. The only time I would condone bitching is if they weren’t paying but expecting things and it clearly seems like they don’t.

    It would be nice if they cared but they don’t seem to so meh. It is yours and FI day and you need to figure it out and any money given is bonus.

    Even if your FI is lending them money through dependent claims on taxes, that is his choice and a favor and they do not owe you anything back.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I agree that they don’t owe you anything.  Their behavior really, really sucks though, especially because like you said, they are far from great role models for their children.

    I guess the biggest question I have is WHY are you supporting their behavior by allowing your FI and the FILs to cheat on their taxes?  

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