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*hugs* It must be difficult. But don't worry! If he says soon then he most probably means soon! And hun, 28 is NOT old!
28 is SOOOO not old!!! My mom didn't have me until she was 31 and had my bro at 33...My cousin had her baby at 39! You have plenty of time left to still have 3 kids, heck, I'm planning on having 3 kids but we're not going to start trying until I turn 29...It is incredibly frustrating to be waiting on a proposal, that I completely understand bc I was right there about 8 months ago...All I can say is that you have to trust your SO (since he's said it's going to happen) and try and be patient, it will be totally worth it in the end when he does propose, I promise!! Good luck and use Weddingbee as a venting and sounding board, it's much more helpful than picking a big fight with your sig. other!
Aww (Hugs).
A lot of anxiety can go into worrying about having kids. It's hard to know if you will have any fertility issues until you start trying. I certainly don't think you are too old to have three kids while you are still 28. (I know you have to go through the proposal and planning the wedding.)
But if it helps, regardless of being 28, I think it behooves gals to be a little more flexible on the whole baby thing. What if one or two is it for you? What if you were hoping for three and get twins? What if your first three are boys, but you want to keep trying for a girl... only to get her after two more babies? Maybe you'll be really fertile. Maybe it will be difficult to get pregnant. We spend so much time trying to control something that has a lot of components not in our control. I've been there. But I think it's a little better to try to let the blessings fall where they may.
Have you discussed your baby wishes with your bf? I think if you can discuss your future and family prospects, he'll understand your concerns and anxiety. It kind of sounds like your'e jealous, of the friends who is pregnant and now getting married. I don't think you really want the timeline to go that way. (Are you concerned your friend might be getting married for the wrong reasons?) The best thing is for you and your bf to lay your cards on the tables. You'll know where the other stands. He'll understand your anxiety. If you don't this could turn into a big issue that comes between you.
Good luck.
WB is great for venting! Everyone else had good advice... it's hard to wait when you feel out of control. I feel like WB has made FI and I so much less stressed just because I have a sounding board now. Before i was constantly, "what do you think of this? Is this weird?" etc, etc, but not I narrow down my talking points LOL.
Your guy probably has something great planned, give him time and have a little faith in him! As for your friend... I know it's hard to see her getting everything, but I'm guessing she's a little bit scared and disappointed, not because she's pregnant, but because she feels pressure to hurry the process of engagement to make it easier with family.
Awww, vent all you want! I can totally understand how frustrating it is. I'm a little younger but my BF is going to be 31 when we get married and I don't think we'll be ready to start a family RIGHT away. We also want 3+ kids so... I understand how you feel about time. But, my mom had me in her 30s so, it's not that it can't be done.
I think it's natural to feel the way you are. I feel that way and I'm going to be 26 at the time of the wedding!
I think if you've been open and talking about those future plans and he's mentioned that he's ready, maybe just have that final talk about WHEN you want to do it. Y'all "may not be kids" but no matter the age your guy still wants things to be done right and perfect. And the more I spend time on here I realize it's NEVER going to be on "our" (i.e. the girls) time! The guys will always get us to this point first! lol.
Hugs to you though, it stinks to wait but I'm sure it will be worth it!
You are not old at all! I think @Tanya123 made some great comments about women needing to be flexible about the baby thing and not trying to control what can't be controlled.
I know you want kids badly, but pressuring your bf to get engaged so you can have kids right away puts a lot of stress on your bf.
You have been together a year (which is substantial, but its not ultimatum time quite yet). He says you will be engaged soon, so enjoy this time before all the wedding planning and baby planning craziness kicks in.
You're not that old!
You don't want to pressure him, but it'll happen eventually, when the time is right! (even though you feel like its now =] )
I'm only 24 and I don't want to get pregnant untill I am 28 or 29. I don't think that is old at all! If you have only been with your honey for a year, I don't think that getting pregnant and forcing him to marry you is the way to go. Just breathe. You'll be ok. If he is on board with getting engaged soon and having kids soon, I would say that you two are pretty in sync. Allow yourself to plan your wedding and plan out having kids. You'll regret it if you rush into parenthood and miss out on other things.
Um, I'm 28 and where I live this is super YOUNG to be getting married. That doesn't make it less painful to watch what's happening to others, but hopefully it gives some perspective.
Also, don't forget that the trends are changing from decades ago and women are almost EXPECTED not to start having children until they're in their 30's...so you've got time :) Enjoy all the wonderful things about being kid free right now, and know that you'll have plenty of sleepless nights, not being able to go out to those dinners you've planned weeks in advance cause the sitter canceled, and vacationless winters and summers to come :)
*hugs hugs hugs* I know this is hard - but I wouldn't put any pressure on him, ya know? It'll come when it comes. And you'll in the end be very happy with what you have. I don't think it's necessarily that you miss out on stuff either way but that you make the most out of the experience you have for the choices you made. If you worry too much about missing out - I'm more than willing to bet you'll miss out on even more. Just live in the moment - you'll enjoy each one that much more, I promise!
my sister got engaged at almost 28, married at 28 and is now pregnant, she'll be just turned 29 when she has the baby. you are most definitely not old or behind the pack!!
Thanks everyone. My head cleared up today at work...well I didn't have time to focus on it, so I had no choice.LOL
Lizaan- Thanks, although around here, for a woman anyway, 28 is kinda old.LOL I just gotta remember my cousin's friend. She didn't have her first until she was 30. :)
Tanya123- I am sort of jealous of my friend which is completely irrational because she is pressuring him just because of the baby and she said he is going to do it. But I'm more jealous of the fact of the baby since my SO and I have been discussing TTC. I don't feel she is getting married for the wrong reasons, but more like she doesn't need to pressure him since he hasn't left because she is pregnant and he loves her. But I didnt tell her this because I didn't want to sound like a jealous person.LOL
Lilyfaith- Yeah, she is scared because she does feel like her mom will take the pregnancy better if he proposes, so she feels like she has to pressure him. Hopefully she will feel better soon though. I talked to her about baby names and that perked her up.
KLP2010- Oh, we've have talked abd he said I'd be married by the time I'm 30. So now, I'm like when, when, when (to myself). I'm trying to be patient, but this baby fever has sent me over the edge.
Krissycake- I'm pretty close.LMAO
Texasmeredith- I wasn't going to pressure him. I was just using my friend as an example. My SO wouldn't be swayed, if anything, it would make him take longer.LOL I do need to not worry about things I can't control, but when I hit 28 I started to get anxious. Like I'm running out of time. I try to concentrate on other things though, it's hard.
Pmerr- It will. Just in the anxious phase, or as I am calling it, the need-a-grip-phase.LOL
Misslovebird- Trust me, I definately wouldn't get pregnant to make him marry me.LOL I was referring to my friend. I don't care what people think, but I don't want them thinking we got married because I was pregnant.
historienne- Yeah, down south, not married at 28 is the equivalent of having 20 cats and knitting a human hair sweater.LOL. Not really, but close to it.lol
sunshinebride- I certainly enjoy my child free time!LMAO--- I teach Pre-K. Four year olds. Yeah, helps me to be happy to come to a childfree apartment!
alishanevan- I DO need to live in the moment. I think I just need to spend time doing more of my hobbies vs. hanging on wedding websites.
ottawabride2011- True! I do need to realize that. All my close friends have or are about to have babies, so it got kinda shaky there.LOL I need to focus on the women I do know who are older and just now having babies. :) I
Glad to hear you're feeling better. :) It always helps to get your mind off of waiting. Although I think sometimes WB helps me, too, just because that way I can talk about weddings to someone other than FI!
((HUGS)) I am 29 and while I am not TTC nor do I have any desire to try, I am definitely feeling the pain, especially when I found out that my baby cousin (an adult) got married. It really sucks, but guess what it will be over soon. Your bf knows exactly what you want and he knows that you want children. I say have fun practicing for the big act. I know it's easier said than done because even though it's been said to me, I still go nutty sometimes. I definitely think you're in a better position than your friend though because you are definitely not pressuring him into marriage.
19 four year olds will get anyone's mind off anything!LOL I agreee! Here, I can look at things and get it out, without harassing him!
Yeesh, 19 four year olds would make me lose my mind, don't know how you do it!
@msmamabear: definitely!! and yes i vent on here and then tell him about what the women on the board say (when i want to pick his brain about something lol)
lilyfaith- I don't know how i do it either, but I love them, even the rough ones.LOL
crebre80- yeah, it's just hard. I sometimes think if I had never fallen in love with him, it wouldn't be this hard to not have kids. A year ago, I wasn't even thinking about kids more than the fact of wanting some one day. Now, this man has come in and blown everything I thought into the wind.LOL Not that I am not happy, i definately am! I'm not on a timeline (he got on to me about that once.
) but I just, i don't know. Feel like I'm losing time. I'm gonna focus on the relationship though. Not the proposal and babies!LOL
MamaBear - I know what you mean. If you truly want children very soon, than you should keep that goal in mind. Sometimes it helps to discuss things w/your bf by counting backwards - it seems like when you put it that way, it makes sense and perhaps adds some motivation!
@msmamabear: i definitely know what you mean!! m tells me all the time that i am not on any timeline and things should just happen naturally but that's just like a sheet of paper in the wind, it willl float and flutter around, however if you shape that paper into an airplane it will go where you want it to, unless you suck at making airplanes like me and then it would crash. perhaps that wasn't the best analogy lol. but you get the gist of what i mean. m wants to be the "man" and direct everything in our relationship but i am a planner and i won't to plan everything, especially something as important as this. i mean i am still booking clients and what if i book clients all throughout the month that we should get married? and he of course says oh don't worry about it, you can have someone else do your job for you, OMG no!! sigh sorry to go off on a tangent, but it's like he's clueless, you know?
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Hey guys.
Maybe some of you remember me posting about my friend being accidentally pregnant and I was jealous with baby fever. Anyway, now she said they are going to get engaged because she told him she isn't telling her mom she's pregnant until she has a ring because it will go over with her better. He told her it will come.
I know I shouldn't be sad in this case, but I am. I don't want to get pregnant and force my SO to ask me to marry him, but I'm just like, why am I still waiting?
He said soon and yes, we have only been together a yr, but it's not like we're kids at 28 and 31! I want to have a baby soon and we have discussed it..
I'm just getting scared. What if he never does it? I just feel so damn old at 28 and I only have a few years of fertility left. Yes, people have babies at 35, but I don't want to be one of those women. I want at least 3 kids and at this rate, it'll only be two unless it's twins.
I swear, it's like you get married young, you miss out on things and get married older, you miss out also. Catch 22. :(