- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I post here fairly often, but as you can tell by the lack of posts associated with my username right now, I am using a different account so I can vent freely without fear of someone stumbling across this, hope that’s okay. 🙂
I have a friend who I love dearly, but she also drives me insane a lot of the time. Some previous history about us, we’ve been friends for about 6 years and this girl and I always got along great but she used to do things to me that were pretty messed up (ie – when she would find out I liked someone she would almost immediately either go make out when them or sleep with them… and I’m talking within like 2 weeks of finding out that I liked someone). She also used to like thrive on drama, and there was a period of time where I was just over it and we didn’t speak for about 6 months.
She seemed to have grown up a lot in the past year or so however, and we resumed being good friends.
My friend got engaged over a year ago and I was SO happy for and immediately went out and got her a wedding planner and told her if I could help in any way I was happy to do so! She also asked me to be a bridesmaid.
This girl announced her wedding three seperate times (via facebook, never told me in person), and has postponed them all three times. The first two times were for financial reasons I think, the third time was because she moved out of state.
Anyhow, I got engaged in September, she was very happy for me. I asked her to be a bridesmaid and let her know that it was totally okay if she couldn’t do it since she was out of state and it’s a lot of $$, etc. She said she wanted to do it no matter what and she’d figure it out.
My wedding was set 13 months after my engagement, so October ’12. I am really anal about planning so we’ve been super on the ball about most things, especially because we are on an extremely tight budget.
Okay, now this is the part where I need advice/help/anything, lol (and if you’ve stuck with reading this to this point God bless ya and I can’t thank you enough!)…
Yesterday I log into facebook and see that her status says that they have a date for their wedding and it’s a real event and it’s happening. And the date is June 2012 (won’t say what day). At first I was like, ok, that gives me 8 months after my wedding is over to save up for hers. Then I realized that noooo, I’m an idiot and was automatically thinking she meant 2013, not 2012, and her date is actually 4 months BEFORE our wedding, and 5 months from RIGHT NOW
I am not upset that she’d getting married before me. I am upset that she is planning a wedding and only giving everyone a 5 months heads up. Mind you she lives across the country so in addition to the normal expensive of being a bridesmaid locally, we have to come up with hotel and airfare… and FOUR MONTHS BEFORE OUR WEDDING!?
The other thing is, my other best friend is getting married in January 2013, so 3 months after me. I knew this however, and have been factoring that in to expenses. This other friend got engaged before me and picked her date about a week before mine. When I found out the only available dates we could pick for our venue would be Oct 2012, or have to wait til May 2013, I talked to my other friend to make sure she didn’t have any problems whatsoever with my getting married before and so close to her wedding date. She didn’t have an issue with it, but this was also way back in September, so we both had ample time to prepare for it- and I also checked with her! So that’s 3 wedding’s in 9 months — I am in a full on panic.
I know she can get married any day she wants, but I am so frustrated. We have zero money as it is and I was almost in tears the other night just thinking how we’re going to pay for all of the stuff for our own wedding. And now we have to factor in a a wedding four months prior?
My 10 yr hs reunion is also this June, but my fiance and I decided that we just couldn’t afford to go (not even me alone, we just can’t afford it).
I am super bummed out and was crying all last night. I have tried so hard to be accomodating with my bridesmaids and let them know about their bridesmaids dresses way early (picked them out in December, told them they didn’t have to worry about ordering them until April), and I’m just frustrating my friend hasn’t done the same. I’ve given her the same amount of time notice for buying a $100 dress and she’s giving me about dropping tons of $ and flying across the country.
The other thing is, she has only been with this guy for like a year and a half, and they got engaged after about 6mths. I’ve been with my fiance for almost 5 years. (not knocking short engagements, but this is just another reason she makes me weary bc she doesnt always think things through). A few months ago she started emailing me saying she met up with a guy from her past and she felt disconnected from her fiance and so she’d been sleeping with this guy because it was comfortable. She made a point to say they were only cuddling, no sex- but I was like whaaat!? I told her she should really figure out who she wants to be with because that situation isn’t fair to anyone involved.
So this new knee jerk reaction of “oh yeah! Wedding in 5 months!” Doesn’t really surprise me, but it kind of exhausts me, if that makes sense.
I just don’t know what to do. I want to go, because she’s my friend and I don’t want to miss her wedding. But, I honestly don’t know how we’re going to be able to do it, unless we cut something huge from our wedding to be able to afford to go to hers. I don’t want to tell her I can’t go either because I just feel like it’s really messed up to not go to hers and then have her come to mine and be in it.
She still hasn’t notified me personally, and with the new facebook layout, I honestly don’t see a lot of posts from people, so I am just acting like I haven’t seen it at this point.
I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I am being pulled in all directions. I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out until October. 🙁