Weddingbee boards

i just need to vent because i will explode. my mom and I always had a rocky relationship but is getting harder and harder and i though that with the wedding it was going to get better. i see a wedding as the perfect time for mother and daughter to interact with the planning and everything. but i was so wrong. 

this is not the first time i tried to get closer to my mom. last summer i took a vacation to Disney to take my fi and my daughter for the first time and i decided to pay for my mother to come with us. thinking that it was a good idea. we got to the hotel and even gave her the bedroom just for her and me and my fi sleeping in the living room. she was very difficult. she wanted for us to do whatever she wanted, criticized any decisions i took, and even the day my daughter got sick i told her to go alone to the parks because i was going to stay with my sick child and she made a huge deal out of it. as a whole she made the disney experience hell. (thats why my fi wants to go to disney on our honeymoon, to experience it without stress)

fast forward to now. on march 10 she came to MA to spend some time with me and my sister who live in springfield too. i though that it was going to be a great way to make her part of my wedding plan. because everything was on the phone. she spend wendnesday to sunday with my sister. she only took time on friday to go with me to buy my dress and while i was try on the dress so she could see she was looking or clothes for herself and didnt even paid attention to my dress. the only opinion was its ok. on sunday night i asked her when she was going to take some time to spend with me and my daughter and she became very angry and said things like: the wedding is yours not mine, i wont spend time inside this house without doing anything, your sister take me out and to the mall.   i was hurt and asked her that if spending time with me means that i have to take her out shopping, something that she can do where she live.  i was so hurt and felt like i felt when i was a kid: like a step daughter.

i always knew i was an accident, she made clear when i was a kid. all my life my sister has been the favorite and i been the ugly duckly. then when i was put in foster care for over 4 years her relationship with my sister grew closer and i got lost in translation. i tried all my life to make her like me as much as she like and love my sister. i was the only one int he family to finish high school (graduated with honors), not getting pregnant until i was 20, went to collage and graduated, and even the only one to own a house and have a steady relationship. 

this whole week has been hell. it has been so hard for me emotionally. i know i need to stop trying to make her love me, but is hard. during all this time she say things i hate so much like:

"you are crazy spending that much in your dress"   (for my sister quinceanera she spend 300 on my sister dress and my dress cost less than that)

"your treating your fi bad, you dont know how to be a wife"

"i cant say anything to you, you are very temperamental"

"your sister understand me better than you"

"why you always so difficult"

i feel like i never had a mother or father. this feeling of abandonment is so awful. thank God i have an awesome fi who love me no matter what. 

sorry girls but i need it to vent... even do im still crying

i'm so sorry, that sounds really awful :( it sounds like you're doing everything you can to reach out to your mom, and she's just not reciprocating. that's great though that you have a fi and a daughter to build your own family with--that must help, right?

@tealeaf my relationship with my sister is worst, her life is a mess and i feel obligated to help her no matter how awful she is to me, because if i dont help her my mother make sure to tell the family how bad a sister i am

girls thanks for all the comments, im just frustrated

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this during your wedding planning! I see how bad you are hurting and truly hope you can find some happiness during this very special time of your life. As teeleaf stated, I think you should definately build a great relationship with your daughter, and show her how very special she is to you every single day. I also agree with what loveapril said, that it truly does sound like your mother is jealous of your life and your accomplishments. From her comment "It's your wedding not mine" it's obvious that she is jealous and she is too focused on her own misery to try to be there for you. It sounds like you have a wonderful FI, and for that you are blessed. Like notasaint said, you don't have to keep in contact with family members just because they are family. If they cause you such pain and affect you negatively, I would stop interacting with them. It's not worth it. You have a great life and deserve to be able to enjoy it. You are not obligated to communicate with your mom or your sister. I understand how much you probably want them in your life, because they are family and you would like to share your wedding with them, but they sound like very selfish people who will absolutely suck all the happiness right out of you. I wish you the best!

thanks to all of you... there are sometimes i feel like im exaggerating, she makes me feel like the worst daughter. i need to follow all of your advice. again thank you all for taking the time to read my post and answer me... this is why i love weddingbee 

It sounds like your mother is jealous of you and/or harbors guilt and is taking it out on you. She sucks :( Atleast you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter and are marrying a wonderful man :)