Post # 1
Okay. So, I will preface this post by saying that I know I am over thinking. That’s what I do, over think.
So, my FI and I have a pretty healthy sex life in terms of the frequency in which we have sex. I’d say that we pretty much do it at least once a day! Alright so a couple of things.
Number 1 – he climaxes SO fast. He has always been this way, but for whatever reason, it’s starting to bother me now more than ever. After a minute, he is done… then we go at it again, and a minute later… he’s done – no matter the position. Like I said, it’s just now starting to bother me… and I’m sure you can understand why. What do I do?! Do I just accept that this is how it’s going to be? I hardly ever climax and it’s really starting to get annoying.
Number 2 – recently, amidst his climaxing early, he has been losing his erection. Usually he cums like 3x before all is said and done. But, recently, he has been climaxing 1x, then gets soft. This has happened like 3x in the past week. So of course, me being the over thinker that I am, is thinking these crazy thoughts that he is cheating on me (he is home alone all day, unemployed) or just doesn’t find me attractive. I know this happens, but literally.. the first 3x happened in just the past week – we’ve been together for 5 years. I am already having issues with him not fulfilling some of my emotional needs and so this isn’t helping the situation! Does he not find me hot anymore? Ugh! I’m getting really annoyed!
I want to scream!!! – I’m already getting frustrated by the fact that I don’t climax because he climaxes so fast and now he is getting soft on me!
Do I just suck it up and deal?
Post # 3
I’m sure it has nothing to do with you or him cheating on you! If he’s depressed (unemployed, home and lonely) it can be affecting his performance so he might want to talk to a doctor about it. I know that might be awkward, but depression really can change a guys libido and performance.
As far as him finishing too fast – maybe he can use a condom every now and again – guys tend to last longer that way and he can always take it off after you get yours! Also, does he mind if you finish yourself off? I know not everyone is comfortable with that, but there have been a few times I just haven’t gotten there and FI has encouraged me to do what I need to do to be satisfied and has offered up anything I need (kissing, touching, whatever).
Bottom line, always, is to be open with him about what you are feeling. Good luck – both emotionally and physically 🙂
Post # 4
No you shouldn’t suck it up & deal. You need to let him know how you are feeling. If you don’t he won’t know that you are having issues. He needs to understand you have needs that need to be met just as much as his. If he is just a man that climaxes fast, then he needs to get your needs taken care of first & then move to him. Also, maybe you should take control, don’t let him move & you be the one to do it & if you get any sign of him about to go, then STOP moving until he calms down. Also, even if you aren’t comfortable with this, maybe you should start to help with your climax while having sex. Hope this helps & good luck!
Post # 5
Well, I would definitely talk to him about it, but I just wanted to add that it’s really pretty normal for a man to become soft after her orgasms once. Following orgasm there’s a period of time called the “refractory” period in which the man has to “recover” before he can become erect and ejaculate again. The length of the refractory period is different for every guy. For some it is minutes (this is pretty rare, from what I understand), for others is can be an hour or several hours, for some guys it can take a long time. It really depends. It sounds to me as though your guy’s body has gone through a change of some kind and his refractory period has become longer. If you had told us that he was no longer able to become erect and ejaculate at all, I would say there’s a problem–but since he can still become erect and still orgasms and ejaculates once, I think everything is fine. If, however, you’re concerned, the BEST thing to do is talk to him–open communication is absolutely key.
Post # 6
@ladyox – Thanks! As far as feeling depressed – I understand that point, but I mean, he has been unemployed for 10 months! Why all of a sudden is this happening? Like I said, I overthink. I grew up surrounded by men who cheat and so I am def. a bit jaded. Deep down, do I think he would cheat on me? – No. BUT, you never know. You know what I mean? I’m a pessimist at heart, I guess. I just can’t help but wonder… just have this feeling – it’s hard to explain.
Good idea with the condom. We def. don’t use them. I have never been able to get off when a guy wore a condom, but def. worth a shot. Yeah, I will sometimes finish myself off, but I mean, part of me is being stubborn in not doing so. Like – he climaxes 3x and then I have to do my own work to get myself off? No thanks, LOL.
Post # 7
About the climaxing early…
I have def. talked to him about it. He understands where I’m coming from. I have tried getting on top and controlling the speed… etc. I have literally tried everything. Nothing matters. I guess he just finishes fast. I mean, I would never leave him because of this.. it’s just frustrating, and I needed to vent.
Post # 8
Um…don’t talk to him about your feelings. Just tell HIM to suck it up and deal. If you get my drift. Nudge nudge wink wink. That way you go first.
Post # 9
Is this something you can openly talk to him about? Yeah maybe have him go for pleasing you orally first and then after you’re done.. Move on to him. But really. Maybe you should see a doctor together because you’re going to marry into a miniute man husband and resent him after a while… Especially is penetration is essential to you.
Post # 10
I agree with all the other ladies! Never suck it up… if it’s bothering you now, it will not get any better!! Just sit him down (outside of the bedroom!!) and have a talk about it! I had similar problems with FI as well, and once we talked about it, he made a big effort to control as much as he was able! Just sit him down, stroke his ego a little bit before you start the conversation, and have a chat! Good luck!!!
Post # 11
My honest opinion? Why are you marrying someone who can’t meet your emotional or physical needs? You only get one shot at life. You deserve a partner who can be a partner in every since of the word. I’m not saying you should break up right now, but I think you should fix these problems before you get married to him.
Post # 12
@RL321 – I’m so sorry you have all this family history that makes it hard, but just remember that HE is not THEM and that you do trust him! You can never tell when a guy is going to go through a down period, my guy is the most optimistic person I’ve ever met, but all of a sudden about a week ago he got really down about everything. Later we figured out that everything is fine but he was having anxiety about the wedding and kids and pressure to provide for his family, all of this stuff that just overwhelmed him. A long way for me to say that maybe he is overthinking things too and is overwhelmed and it’s affecting things negatively.
The bottom line, no matter what, is that you have to talk to him about your needs, physically and emotionally, and ASK WHAT HE NEEDS TOO! Marriage is about making sure both of you are satisfied. I know it would drive my guy crazy if he never satisfied me so maybe that’s part of it too!
The only way you are going to find out the heart of the matter is through openly talking…good luck!
Post # 13
First- I’m SO sorry you’re going through this.
I don’t know what your communication style is in your relationship, but I’m surprised that a conversation about this hasn’t already occurred. I would think that you BOTH would want to talk about this to try and figure out what’s wrong and what can be done about it. I don’t know how old your FI is or if there are any medical conditions that could be a contributing factor, but I definitely think he needs to make an appointment to see a doctor. Since this isn’t the first time this has happened (you said it’s been like this for the past 5 years) and it now seems to be more frequent- I think that your FI should talk to a doctor who might be able to help figure out what’s going on and what can be done about it. This certainly falls in line with sexual dysfunction, and I definitely think that a professional needs to help you guys figure out if it’s emotional or physical or what. I’m actually surprised that this has been going on all these years and your FI hasn’t gone running to a doctor to find out what’s happening.
If you suggest this to your FI and he flips out and doesn’t want to see a doctor to figure out what’s going on, then I would seriously start to re-evaluate things and try to determine WHY he seems content to not be satisfying you sexually and emotionally. While I don’t think that this particular problem is a deal breaker, please know that you DO deserve to have all of your needs met, and to get out of your relationship what you’re putting into it. Your FI should CARE that your needs aren’t being met, and he should want to go to the ends of the earth to figure out what’s going on. The fact that this hasn’t happened in the 5 years you’ve been together is truly baffling to me.
Good luck and let us know what happens!
Post # 14
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I just wanted to add…3X a day is a LOT! I’m actually very surprised that he was able to do that at all. I definitely think you should talk to him about what’s going on, but I think that one time a day is great – and more than most people have, I would assume.
As far as the other issues, I definitely think you guys should talk about it and see if you can come up with a way that you can both be satisfied.
Post # 15
First and for most talk to him. Have you guys tried a cock ring? many of these also have clit ticklers. They’re safe for his erection and won’t harm his “little man”. They’re usually really soft and can flex with the penis they just hold it tighter. Have you tried having him ejaculate before sex? Both of those things should be able to help him last longer.
Post # 16
dude, 3x a day everyday for 5 years is insane (in a good way)! I would definitely talk to him about your feelings, but I think as an isolated thing going soft after the first time isn’t an issue at all. Other than him orgasming quickly (I am assuming it’s not premature ejac), I don’t think he has a sexual dysfunction. However, I do think that a visit to a couples counseler could help you guys sort through some stuff, esp if you think he may be depressed and you have trust issues. GL!