I need to vent scream and cry

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

“And my fi response to all of this is that she’s her mother, and he doesn’t want her growing up hating him because he kept her from her mom.”— this is so stupid, I’d strangle that man! He shouldn’t care about her hating him, he should care that she grows up safe and healthy! Throwing the girl back in the lion’s den means she may end up mentally and physically harmed, possibly dead. He’s just going to sign off on visitations- like nothing happened?! This is serious and he needs to get a grip on reality! now I’m pissed, too!

Post # 3
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This is child abuse, and neglect, and wrong. His daughter needs him most now to look after her safety above and beyond what she may think later. As a member of the household clearly responsible and emotionally effected by this situation in full, you darn well have a say in this matter. He even asked your opinion: “He then asked me if I wanted him to fight for her.” Well, did you say yes? What was his response? Yes, yes, yes, fight for her.<br />

Post # 4
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

Keekers: He shouldn’t want his daughter growing up hating him because he let her go back to an abusive environment! This makes me so mad, she is going to be more damaged by this that being back with her mother! She will grow up and love her father and you for taking care of her and helping her, being a safe place to go etc, it’s so sad abusive parents are even allowed to have their kids back. Keep a VERY close eye on things, and report her if things go back the way they were.  

Post # 6
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

🙁 yeah, this is a really shit*y situation. but what that little girl is experiencing is definitely child abuse, and something needs to be done about it. 

Post # 7
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

Fight for her. Guilt her dad if you have to because he should feel guilty if he is going to willingly send her back to that situation.  

Post # 8
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

She’s going to hate her dad a whole lot more if she grows up abused and he just let it happen. The whole thing makes me sick. Guilt him into fighting- honestly id leave him if he didn’t. How could you ever marry someone who sends his daughter back to the lions den.

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m usually a great believer in estranged parents having contact with their children. However, this doesn’t mean that a child should be put in danger of abuse or neglect since the child’s best interests are paramount.

Given the history of the mother’s behaviour, is there no way that any visits cannot be strictly controlled and not take place in her home? Only over here, we have court appointed social workers who will make reports which are taken very seriously by Family Law judges. It would not be unusual for any contact to take place at a children’s centre where the parent is not left unsupervised with the child.

If this isn’t possible then your FI just has to keep fighting. To give up now is to give up on his child. She deserves a whole lot better.

Post # 10
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

That poor little girl. I’m so glad at least you have some sense in all this. You’ve got to make him realize that putting his daughter back in an abusive, neglectful environment is doing much more harm than good. She’s already been traumatized by the way her mother treated her.

If during the last visit his daughter was cold and they had to stay at a friends’ house, it doesn’t sound like mom has an environment fit for a child at all. He needs to request a CPS check-up or something before ever letting her go over there again.

Hell, what he should do is go over there himself and see firsthand what is going on. Mom would have to do some real good convincing that her mindset and parenting style had changed before she ever had visitation.

Post # 11
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would not be with a man who would not fight for the safety of his children.

Post # 13
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Keekers:  More than likely she’s going to grow up wondering why the hell her father and step-mother ever allowed her to be taken into the care of this woman over and over and over again when she keeps coming home damaged. Someone needs to stand up for this poor child and if it isn’t going to be her father, it needs to be you. How can you even type all of this out and not see that this is not a good situation for her. Tell your partner you want to fight for his daughter, for the love of God.

Post # 15
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Keekers:  Hang in there. You are this child’s angel, seeing clearly through the situation, so stay strong and keep going. I know it is hard but you are a tough cookie. Good for you for saying you’d call the cops and leave if she came back with a scratch because he needsto understand the gravity of the situation from your point of view, too, and that you would go so far as to do that if it came to it.<br /><br />Have you taken photos or video of the daughter’s condition when she returns to your home? The way she is soiled or whatnot? I mean hearsay is one thing, or saying she is coached by you guys to say certain things, but visual evidence like that is pretty telling.<br /><br />A PP is right that the daughter will grow up to hate the dad more if she learned he subjected her to mom’s treatment willfully. You are doing everything you can and it is making a difference in this little girl’s life. Keep her safe and cozy and happy with your love and attention.

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