(Closed) i need your advice.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: am i being a huge jerk?
    yes, you're a huge jerk. be quiet and let her bring who she wants. : (8 votes)
    33 %
    no way. tell her he's not invited for the aforementioned reasons. : (16 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    You have some time before your wedding, so wait it out for now – maybe he will be out of the picture by the time it comes to send out your invites.  If she brings it up before then, you can address it, but for now, I think it would be best to not say anything.  I wouldn’t want this person at my wedding if I had fears about his behavior either!

    Post # 4
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee

    You shouldn’t have to worry about a drunken immature teen at your wedding. Your friend should understand this. Even if she stays with him, she still has to know that he is inappropriate and will pobably be that way when he is drunk at your wedding. I would bring it up to her again and if she doesn’t take it serious I think you are going to just have to give it to her straight if you don’t want him to come. You and your friends have talked to her before about his behavior so its not going to be anything new or a big shocker that you all aren’t found of him. I know its hard, good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    8354 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I really don’t think you are being out of line at all; however, you already offered the invitation to her, so I don’t think you can go back on it now.

    I think you should let the the people that have offered to ask him to leave if he gets out of control do so. I know you will still worry and probably be stressed, but I think that is your best option. Hopefully she will be broke up with him before your wedding so you won’t have to worry about it. And if she hasn’t broke up with him, hopefully she will come alone.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    You have to talk to her about it for your piece of mind, but you can’t take back the invitation.  She should be able to bring a date.  It’s completely possible that she’ll be broken up with this loser and be dating a new loser you haven’t met yet who could do the same thing, but you risk that with all +1s at a wedding.

    What you do need to talk to her about is what your concerns are and ask her, as a friend, to please try to address them with her BF before coming to the wedding or else you will have to ask him to leave, just like you would ask anyone acting crazy at a party to leave.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @jjjanyc:  You need to talk to her then friend to friend then.  Explain not only your concerns for the weddings but perhaps again your concerns for her relationship with him.  It is not going to be an easy conversation but if you really care about her, it is hard to sit by and watch this happen.  After that, it is her decision as to what she does, but at least you have made the effort and she knows your feelings.  In terms of the wedding, you tell her the expectations you have for your guests and let her know he will be removed if anything inappropriate occurs.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Honey your friend is not in love; she’s in LUST. I know cos I was there once and that’s when I got married the second time. Didn’t take me very long afterwards to realize I made a HUGE mistake. Luckily, I got married for the right reasons this time.

    Unfortunately, you will only alienate your friend if you tell her she can’t bring the young’en. However, it is almost 6 months until your wedding day and a LOT can happen in 6 months. More than likely reality will set in at some point and it may not even be an issue by the time the wedding rolls around.

    Post # 10
    Member
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    One of my good friends is dating an idiot too. While I’m not worried about him being obnoxious, I know seeing him will be akward. I told him awhile ago that he was treating my friend like shit, and well, she’s still with him. So it will be weird seeing him at the wedding. I pretty much have to let him come though. I don’t know why he wants to come, but I feel like I can’t tell my friend she can’t bring her BF, especially because they live together. I guess it will be a grin and bear it type of thing.

    Post # 11
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    You need to talk to her in a mature and private way and try to convey your feelings to her.  Let her know that while you love her you feel that her BF is disrespectful to both her and her friends and that you do not want the atmosphere that he creates at your wedding.  I would brace yourself though, she may react in a both of us or none kinda way.  She is going to have to learn for herself that he is not good for her and all you can do as a friend is listen to her and support her.  Good luck and I hope things work out for the best!!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I agree with a lot of the other posters that you should talk to her and let her know your concerns closer to the date. You’ve got almost 6 months till the wedding and a lot can change till then, especially if he’s as immature as he’s acting.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1080 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    if he is a young enough teenager could you set an age limit? 😉

    Post # 14
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Do you have any sort of security at your event?

    We’re required to have one police officer. So I’m assuming if you were in the same situation he would be removed if obviously intoxicated or causing any sort of problem. Plus you could make sure he wasn’t allowed to drink AT you actual wedding.

    Based on his behaviour maybe he’ll get arrested before the wedding… 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Talk to your friend about the issue.  Then stick one of the groomsman on him – as a watchdog  for potential chaos before it starts.

    Post # 16
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    It’ll be rude to not allow him to come if they’re still dating no matter how much you don’t like him.  You can talk to her about your concerns about him and tells her to keep him in line or away from you on the wedding day. I’m sure you’ll be too busy to notice him the day of.

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