(Closed) I need your help Bees! No idea what to do about BM

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

I’m sure you’ve already done this, but the only thing I could think of doing is text her and tell her that she needs to call you.  Tell her it’s super important.  If she doesn’t end up calling you, then I would cut her from the wedding or demote her to the person who passes out the programs.  

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

This is tricky.  It sounds like she was happy at first.  And she might have some good reasons for missing the shower.  You said she started a new job.  That makes me wonder if she was strapped for cash, to come out and attend the shower, and spend money on hosting and gifts.  That can make ppl act a little goofy and illusive about why they can’t commit to stuff. They don’t want others to know they’re having troubles. 

You also said that she’s planning an elopement too this summer.  Honestly, I can see why she might be hesitant to commit to a day for your shower.  She’s not only trying to juggle her schedule to plan around, but her FI’s and perhaps whoever was supposed to go with them.

On top of that, you mention that they might push some things back.  I don’t know why she’s eloping.  Maybe they are having family troubles or money troubles.  but it’s possible that she’s jealous of your wedding.

Have you tried by starting with what’s going on in her life?  See what doors that might open up.

Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you need to be honest and direct with her.  Call her (or if that doesn’t work facebook her) and say, “You seem to be very busy lately and it’s been hard for us to get ahold of you, I know you have a lot going on and I totally understand, but I need to know if you’ve bought the BM dress and sare still able to be in the wedding.” 

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Funny, I could of written this post 3 months ago!  I have had the same difficulty with a BM of mine.  I eventually had to call her and leave a voicemail that said something to the effect of, “Hey, I keep trying to get ahold of you to check in.  Haven’t talked to you in awhile, I hope everthings alright.  My MOH has also been trying to get ahold of you.  If something’s come up and you can’t commit to the wedding and all the stuff beforehand, no problem, but please let me know.  If I don’t hear from you, I’ll have to assume you’re not able to attend anything anymore”  She called right back and gave some lame excuses.  Whatever.  I recently decided that she’s going through postpartum.  And I can’t be sure because she won’t open up about what her deal is, but she’s been avoiding me and all my stuff too.  She did randomly show up to my bachelorette party though, it was so strange! 

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