(Closed) i need your help! might break up with him!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: what should i do?
    keep quiet, you're being unreasonable, you need to let this go : (2 votes)
    2 %
    wait and see how long this three night a week thing lasts : (43 votes)
    45 %
    break up with him, he isn't being fair : (39 votes)
    41 %
    other (explain) : (12 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    “what do you ladies think i should do?”

    Send him a link to this post. He needs to read it and know how you feel.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @hellopurple: Wow. In that instance, I would say “We need counseling or this is over”. 

    For me, his reply is just not acceptable. That’s a blow-off answer.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @hellopurple:I definitely wouldn’t be moving in with him.  Also, if he wants to stay up late without you then I would probably start spending more time at your place and then scheduling nights together where there is no gaming.  It sounds like his gaming is becoming, if not already, more important than you and he needs to reset and realize what his priorities are. 

    ETA:You know what else, have you read The Five Love Languages? Or do you know what each others love language is? I guess that yours might be

    Was cutoff so further ETA:…Quality Time.  If he knows that then he needs to show it.  Relationships can take work and putting someone else first sometimes.  He needs to find the balance.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    first… sorry you’re in this position…. from my experience a one-sided relationship with the other being a selfish person is not worth the time or effort. Selfishness has no place in a relationship, hoped for one day marriage. In my book, if you couldn’t marry the person in the condition they’re in, or actively striving to be, then dating is just passing the time.

    Unfortunately we can’t make some one feel/understand where we may be coming from, and yea it sounds very much so that he just caved to not hear anything else… guys are known for this and generally become passive aggressive in it. For a man to respect himself and feel respected, he himself has to come up with and execute the solution… something your guy doesn’t seem to even want to consider doing.

    Sorry you’re experiencing this.. from experience, no one likes feeling like they don’t matter as much as something else… especially an object. ((hugs))

    I pray that you have the comfort and strength needed for the season you’re in, and that you have wisdom in all of your decisions…when to speak, how to speak, and what action(s) to take or not take.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7779 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’d be done. 4 nights a week of late-night gaming is absolutely ridiculous. No one needs to spend that much time with a game. There is no excuse for it.

    I agree with futuremrshc, counseling or it’s over. It sounds like he has a gaming addiction. It’s a problem and he needs to get help. If he doesn’t, you need to be prepared to leave. You deserve better than someone who wants to spend his nights with a video game rather than in bed with you. Period.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8354 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I think you need to take a break from each other; as in live apart for awhile, so he can appreciate why he wants you in his life. And, if you decide to take a break, let him be the one to initiate contact. Do your best to get your own life back on track. Go out with some friends, take a class, get your nails done. Just take care of yourself. If he is the one, he will see the light, if you take a break from each other.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If it’s this bad now IMO it’s going to get worse and his refusal to aknowledge the problem would be confirmation for me.

    I wouldn’t move in I’d do the opposite get my shit out of there and let him prove how much he cares. Unlikely he will change his ways though so I wouldn’t hold your breath.

    Post # 12
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    get.out.now.

    From a firsthand point of view dating a police officer who started the academy after we started dating, you will have to take a backseat to his career for at least a year, academy and FTO….if you are not a priority to him now, a priority to “gaming” I can only imagine how much less time and attention you will get while he is in the academy and “gaming” still.  It was a struggle to find time for eachother when my fiance was in the academy and he made great efforts to make time for me…..

    Post # 13
    Member
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Are you with my ex? My ex was the exact same way.  He spent all his time playing games.  I barely saw him because he would just sit at home in his boxer playing endless hours.  We were in college..so he was on the verge of being kicked out of school for poor performance.  When he got in trouble..he would cut back on games..but eventually he go back..and the cycle starts all over again. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Okay I’m going to be the odd one out here with a conversation. Gaming isn’t just a pleasure or a habit, it can be an addiction. It can’t be quit cold turkey like some suggest (or you want). People play for the stimulation, challenge, and boredom. Have you asked your SO to stop playing and go do X? Sometimes guys see it as a time killer. Kind of a “she’s doesn’t have anything planned so I’ll just play” situation (kind of like how we are here on the bee). They don’t see it as harming you, or your relationship. 

    How does your SO act if you actually have something to do? Does he stop playing then? 

    I agree with “moving out”. It sounds like you two are getting to be comfortable roommates, and aren’t appreciating each other anymore. I suggest that you also sit down with him, and have a “how gaming affect us” talk – have specific examples. Don’t just say “I feel ignored”, say specific things about how you don’t feel like you talk or do things anymore, and you feel like you’re growing apart. Develop your own hobbies and own time away, rather than hanging around all of the time.

    My DH and I used to have the same problems. But it was two-fold. I would be on the bee or facebook or blogger, ignoring him. And so he would get on D&D or some other video game and get involved. And the cycle continued. Now, we’ve agreed that DH can play (it is his stress relief, and he plays – without anything said by me – at least an hour a night), but if I ask him to stop, he does – no questions asked. I just have to blunt about it. Yes, I hate that he doesn’t “notice” that I want attention and quality time, but he does respect me when I ask him to. Sometimes it’s a give-take relationship that needs to be formed. 

    And while it sounds completely counterintuitive – have you tried playing with him? It might bring you closer together, and give you shared interests. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I voted “Other” so I will explain.  

    In your previous post on the subject, depression was brought up and you mentioned, if I remember correctly, that he did have a history of depression.  I would strongly encourage him to seek help for his depression before just throwing in the towel.  If this problem is caused/contributed to by depression, your leaving at this point could make things worse.  If he refuses to get help, then yes, you need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, even if that means moving out.

    I also agree with everything afbacher said.  Gaming can be every bit as addictive as alcohol or gambling or all those other addictions you hear about.  Yet another reason for him to seek professional counseling.

    I believe I also mentioned in my reply to you last time that you should try gaming with him.  Games like the Fable Series, (I <3 Fable 3!!!!) are fun, but not as gory as Socom or Call of Duty if you don’t like first-person shooters.  Playing together for a short time each night, or a night or two a week may make it easier for him to play for an hour or two WITH you and then turn off the console for the night.

    Again, PLEASE seek professional help with this issue, because it sounds in my (biased but no-means-professional) opinion that he is dealing with depression, gaming addiction, or both.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2906 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @hellopurple:Sometimes the games can really be an addiction. It’s very very hard to deal with and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Until he’s had some time away from the games, he won’t know that it was hurting you.

    The topic ‘i need your help! might break up with him!’ is closed to new replies.

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