I need your opinions….

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think she’s fine. Her girlfriends who will not come unless she comes are pretty immature though IMO. It was great they were able to put their differences aside for your wedding but I wouldn’t expect them to do so on a regular basis.

Post # 5
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Daizy914:  I think you are being insensitive. You said it yourself – it didn’t end well. If that’s they case, why would you want to put your friend in a situation that would cause her grief and discomfort? They were civil at your wedding because it was your wedding. A New Year’s Eve party isn’t nearly the same, and you should be respectful of her feelings about the matter.

Post # 7
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Daizy914:  You just have to learn to pick your battles. They won’t be able to both be at the same events – so don’t always invite them both to the same events. Go do things with her, just the two of you, or just you girls. This doesn’t have to mean your friendship is over.

Post # 8
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

This could really be going either way. It could be that she is being a total drama llama and highschoolish with this whole “I don’t wanna be there if he is there” crap, or..

It could be that she is a lot more torn up about the breakup than she is leading on. If she is upset and hurting, or worse, wants him back, then no she isn’t being selfish, she is trying to give herself time and space to heal and there is nothing wrong with that.

If friends feel like they have to choose a side, and have chosen her’s then they may think that they are being supportive in not attending events where he is, especially if they know more of the story than you do.

I really do not think that it is fair to sit here and judge her when we don’t know the true and whole story of why they broke up. I’m sure that a lot of bees can share their own stories of never wanting to be in the same room as their ex ever again.

Post # 9
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@Daizy914:  Just keep inviting her, and see how it goes. Sometimes, your DH’s friend won’t be able to come, and maybe she’ll join you on those occasions. Or she might decide at some point that it doesn’t matter.

I can tell you, from my own experience, that sometimes it doesn’t stop being weird. My boyfriend when I was 14-15 (!) was at one of my best friends’ birthday celebrations the other day, and it was so awkward. We were only together for about a year, but that was pretty long for the beginning of high school.

Post # 11
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would not choose to go to a party where I knew my ex-boyfriend would be, regardless of who invited me, so I can see her side. If I’m going out to have a good time I would have no desire for the akwardness that would come with hanging out with an ex.

I would hang out with her in situations where you don’t have to worry about the both of them being there, like PP said, have girls-days so you can maintain the friendship, but don’t expect her to want to hang out with her ex, regardless of how it ended.

It sucks that you have to segregate friends, but sometimes thats just how it is…

Post # 12
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

@Daizy914:  I’m jealous that you can be cold, I swear if I ran into my ex I would back up and run over him again.

She doesn’t sound like that great of a friend. I’m curious why you are keeping the relationship going especially if she was using you (jerk…. her not you).

I guess you can always keep inviting her with the expectation that she is going to say no and then eventually stop.

Post # 14
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

@Daizy914:  You are SO RIGHT about the wedding thing, you learn so much. I don’t understand what it is about weddings that turn people crazy.

I just hope that things work out.  You don’t seems to upset about the thought of loosing her, so maybe just stop worrying and let it run it’s course?

Post # 15
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Daizy914:  OP this reminds me a story that another bee has been posting about (starts with an is it aussiesummer?)…her and her SO broke up and she went to an engagement party and talked about how hard it was on her and posted about her fears of going to the wedding because she didn’t want to see him there.

The majority of the bees in the Hive told her to NOT go.

It *could* be considered highschoolish if both of your friends don’t attend your NYE party because of her lack of attendance…but her not attending?! NO way. 

If she really wanted to get married, settle down with this guy…seeing him is going to be hard.  What if this guy brings a new girl around?  Is she supposed to be completely okay with that?  Yikes. 

Post # 16
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

How long ago did they break up?  If it was rather recently, then give her some time.  It sounds like she sucked it up for your wedding so cut her some slack.

Many people also dislike NYE, especially around midnight when they don’t have a SO to kiss and welcome the new year with.  I hated being alone that night, so again, I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

As time goes on, she will most likely find it easier to be around her ex.  6 years together is a long time, and since it didn’t end well, it’s going to take a while for those wounds to heal.

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