Post # 1
My father left my mom when I was 3 and then was sporadically in our lives from 3-18. I have not had any contact with him since I was 25. I have graduated from Medical School, gotten married, gotten divorced, and now engaged without him around. I am actually very close to a cousin on his side – she is my MOH and I see a sister of his fairly often (althought my mom doesnt know). Today is his birthday and I guess I get a bit sentimental about the dad I wish I had, Especially as the holidays approach and my wedding on NYE. To make things more complicated, my relationship with my mom is also now strained as a result of the exhusband saga.
As a result I am walking myself down the aisle (again). But I wish I had someone close to that could walk with me. I wanted my FI to walk me down the aisle – but we decided it would be a nice touch for his girls to walk him down the aisle. So – today’s the day every year I am sad. I will snap out of it and realize it is his loss by tomorrow. But the sad thing is I suspect he is mentally ill – a type of schizophrenia or personality disorder – and I still wish I had a dad to walk me down the aisle.
Post # 3
I think it is natural to feel the way you do. I have a similar situation and understand the weird combination of missing the dad you deserve and want, wishing things were different, and realizing you are okay without all that. I say let yourself feel what you feel for a bit, then treat yourself to something little and fun to shake it off and remember that whatever happened with him is not because you are lacking in any way. Likewise with your mom, while we’re at it. People make their own choices. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you today instead of focusing on the one who’s missing out. *hugs*
Post # 4
Sorry for your situation. I wasnt inthe same boat, but my dad is a little aloof when it came to parenting and I find my self sad at times wishing I had that daddy’s little girl relationship…. *Hugs* tomorrow is a new day
Post # 5
Do you have any bridesmaids? Could one of them walk down the aisle with you. They wouldn’t be “giving you away” but could show support as a friend.
Post # 6
What if your mom walked you down the aisle? That would be meaningful and touching! It doesn’t have to be a man, just someone close to you! My husband and I walked together, but I definitely understand the importance/symbolism of your FI and his daughters walking together.
Post # 7
neither of my parents will walk me down the aisle, i have two daughters but they will be my flower girls, my parents parenting is a little messed up and our relationship is very strained, i will likely have some girl friends walk me down the aisle for support, im marrying into the military, the women walking me down will already be military wives… its my best support system and i think its fitting, maybe you could look for your best support system whether it be an uncle and aunt a brother a friend… whoever it may be, just let it be someone who will always be there for you, you will also honour them in the process and i think it would be just as touching, sorry things couldnt be easier for you, we all have our own trials and its blows 🙁
Post # 8
I can totally empathise with that. It’s hard knowing people have very close relationships with their mother or father and will be walking down the aisle with them and having that special moment. I also wish I had someone, but at the end of the day I’d rather walk alone than give the privelage to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
Post # 9
What about you and your fiance walking down the aisle with his girls, as a representation of the family you are about to become?
Post # 10
I understand missing the relationship you wish you’d had – my dad is an unbelievable a$$hat, and I’m thinking of asking for a retaining order in the event of a wedding (his crazy, insanely abusive actions during my young-adult life are a BIG factor in why I’m still “waiting”). The holidays DO make it hard for those who have a less-than-ideal family, and a wedding has lots of “traditional” ideas that people feel they should fulfill, even if you can be happy without them.
On one of the most surprising talks of a potential wedding for us (I keep mum as much as I can, but HE’s beent talking a little about it recently – which is up 100% from 0%), my BF expressed concern over inviting my family – I said, hell no, I’m only inviting 3-4 people, non of whom grew up i that mess, the rest are UN-invited for life. He figures my dad would try to ruin it by showing up and causing a scene – which I don’t put past him. My half-brother mentioned when discussing a recent family funeral we both declined to attend that he couldn’t imagine a more awkward event than our family at a funeral, being the most dysfunctional family he’d ever met. I want no part of them at my (crosses fingers) wedding.
I guess I’ll be going solo down the aisle, assuming my BF decides to ask me to walk down, period. My BF’a father actually mentioned once that he’d be willing to walk me, but that was so weird to me that I decided no to that.
I don’t think there s anything wrong with walking yourself down the aisle. Plenty of women have done it due to family deaths or other misfortune – you’re not responsible for how your family is to you – if your family isn’t that close and there is no one you’d want to go arm-in-arm with to the alter, remember it’s a small, small part of the ceremony, the vows to your SO are the BIG deal, and you get more time to dance with him at the reception 🙂 Besides, I have a theory that the person walking the bride down the aisle is really there to make sure she can navigate in the dress and veil – do some tests and if you don’t need a navigator, you’ll be fine 🙂