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Mr. P worked nights from last August til this March. I gotta say it was definitely not easy, but take it as time to appreciate a little element of singleness. Not as in, going out and partying (at least not for me) but in having some free time to spend with my gal friends and stuff since my evenings were more or less free. Also, another silver lining is that when you DO spend time you really really appreciate it. Make a point to still have dates and stuff like that... it'll make a difference!
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I'm usually gone Monday thru Thursday when I'm working with my dad, so I don't come home at all to Mr. Peng. It sucks, but we're pretty used to it. Weekends are that much more exciting :)
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It's not quite the same since hubby and I at least used to get to go to bed together, but for awhile hubby had only thursdays and fridays off, while I had the weekend, so we didn't get spare time with each other either. It does suck, but just remember it won't be forever and it really is still better than nothing! Maybe he can start looking for different hours? Usually when you're the newbie you get the cruddy schedules though, like nights and weekends. Hang in there!
I should also say.. don't feel bad if you're sad and stuff. I kinda went between being positive and then sometimes just really hating it. It's normal! But just to make it easier on you, try to find ways to pass the time and make the most of it!
Thanks for the advice.... I just find it hard because we are on different 'time zone' if I can call it that. When I get home from work I want to relax and stuff, but he just woke up and doesnt get it why Im all tired....
um hello, I just worked all day.
So ya, theres been a little fighting ... but we havent adjusted to the whole night shift situation yet.
My fiance is a police officer who works twelve hour shifts (either 6:00 p.m.-6:00 a.m. or vice versa). Every other month he's on nights so for two-three days at a time I don't see him. It was hard to get used to, but it makes you appreciate the time you have together. Plus it's nice to be able to watch girly tv shows and eat ice cream for dinner sometimes... :) Hang in there!
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Oh yeah, I started that thread doctorgirl linked to. I hate my husband's night shift. Hate hate hate. And I do get pissy sometimes when I come home from an 8 hour shift and he says "Ughh, I'm so tired... I don't want to do the dishes/laundry/whatever" and I'm like "Suck it up, buddy, you just slept for 8 hours."
Advice: Be okay with not being okay with it. You don't have to be Superwife and just deal. But live in your reality as it is, because if all he hears is "I wish you weren't on nights," he'll probably just feel really inadequate. I know my husband feels like a loser sometimes because he wants to be home with me at night but can't. Tell him you're proud that he is working so hard to help support the family. As to getting to sleep together... make the most of common days off. I know you're technically supposed to keep the same schedule even on weekends, but whatever. Stay up late on Friday or Saturday night and have a couple hours in common with him Saturday and Sunday morning. Same with him, if he's got a night off... maybe he can go to bed a little early and hold you for a few hours before you have to get up. We do this a lot.
Good luck!
I definitely think that you need to make the time you do spend together a priority - whether you spend it watching a TV show, or go on a date - make sure you're enjoying each others' company when you can. Someone I know had a 5+ year relationship come to an end after a few years of them working opposite shifts. When one was awake, the other was always sleeping. Or when both were awake, they were doing separate things... basically living separate lives. So definitely make sure you stay connected! Hopefully he'll get a better shift soon.
My FI is gone Monday-Thursday so it is an adjustment but does make the time you are together a priority. I have to say I love it when he is home sleeping next to me and I appreciate it so much!
Right now, the very moment you read this...make a date with him.
My husband started working midnights about 7 years ago and we made it a point to have a standing date EVERY Friday...it has changed to the occasional Sat. when I find myself working late on Friday, but the point is to make it every week. Sometimes we have guests, but that is ok too. (Our teenage daughter wanted to go with us her senior year of school before she went to college--how can you say no to that?) Make it your time to do errands, out to eat, shop for oil for the truck, etc.
And if you haven't figured it out, we've been married 26 years. Good luck! (Oh, and we lovingly nicknamed him the "bear" for the first year he worked midnights--I'm sure you know why)
Mrs. Flamingo - it is SO hard to be in your position. My FI is a surgical resident and works night float at least 3 months a year. During those three months we don't even see each other except for one afternoon during the weekends (he leaves for work at 6 and gets home around 7:30, and I get home from work at about 7:30-8 and leave for work around 7 am) I get really stressed during those months and feel totally out of touch with him.
My best advice is for the time that you are together try to make the best of it and do something that is compatible with how you both are feeling (grabbing a meal, watching tv, etc.) I also just try to focus on the times when we have normal schedules together.
I'm on the opposite side of your situation, I'm also a nurse and work 12 hour night shifts. My fiance complains quite a bit and is already pushing for me to switch to days (even though I just started, and due to my seniority it will be years before this is feasible). Does your guy have the possibility of switching to 3 12 hour shifts instead of 5 8 hours eventually? That would free up more nights where you two could be together.
Like I said in the other thread, I think it's important to just be supportive and try to remember where the other person is coming from (working nights takes a toll on the body!) and also appreciate the time you have alone. I think it makes the time you have together more special.
Just now hes doing a double shift and is working nights again tonight, tomorrow... Sigh
I think I will see him a whole 6 hours in 2days.
Its harder than I thought, but will take your advice and plan a date.
When we do though, it gets bumped cuz of work. We were suppose to go to the movies tonight.
Im strong, I can do this. And I try to be supportive...
Flamingo, hang in there. FI and I have gone through some pretty bad times as far as not seeing eachother goes. He's a law enforcement officer and travels internationally all the time. In an average week he'll be gone for three four days at a time (out of country, out of contact), then the other days he'll have an overnight in California or something, or he'll work from 2 am to 8 pm because he has a four hour commute if he hits rush hour. If I had a job right now, I don't think I'd see him at all ... I'm really afraid of what happens when that happens. Before when I had a job, he didnt have the commute, so we at least had a little more time.
Anyway, didn't mean to make it about me, but as you can see, you are definitely not alone. Stay strong, I bet his schedule will change over time.
I'm the nightshifter, working 3-4 nights a week from 7pm-7am. It was hard in the beginning, and I know my fiance is not a big fan, but we stay positive. I agree that 3 or 4 12 hour shifts frees up a little more time than 5 x 8 hour shifts. Don't push him too hard to move to days, as adjusting to the job is difficult and he may need a little time. Hopefully he can move to a day position or even day/night rotating (every 6 weeks or so) at some point.
It's not easy, but remember to tell him you appreciate how hard he works, and hopefully he will say the same to you. Enjoy the nights you do have, and find something to keep you busy on the nights he's gone - crafting, hanging with friends, watching movies that would bore him to tears, etc. It won't last forever and you'll be a stronger couple because of it!
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Im so excited... Mr.Flamingo is taking me out for breakfast tomorrow morning when he arrives from work. Finally the first thing we will be doing together since he started work.
I guess Ill appreciate the little moments so much more.
Hang in there girls... (trying to be supportive for you too ;) )
Aww, that sounds so sweet! :-)
Maybe you guys can make it a regular thing... grabbing breakfast together? Bee and I don't share a meal during the week, and it's probably not a good thing...
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We havent really gotten the beat yet.
I would love that when I arrive from work supper is ready, and when he arrives from work, breakfast is ready...
Dont know if thats gonna work out... but im gonna try.
Mr.Bee you should really have a sit down meal with Bee... its important ;)
(Ya, ok... look whos giving the advice.. LOL)
Maybe each of you could take care of one meal... he could bring breakfast home for you both, and you could take care of dinner?
Bee and I actually have been going on walks in the evening... so we get some QT in there. :-)
Sounds like you have a good plan-- I was going to recommend setting up some sort of regular ritual, like meals or walks, that you can look forward to as QT. Good luck! That must be a really difficult transition, but I'm sure you'll find ways to work through it.
My husband is on the night shift, has been since i met him. And it's a good thing. you tend to fight a lot less. I'm sure it's different when your not used to it, or your newlyweds. I love his shift sometimes, because we fight a lot less, lol. you don't have time to pick at each other for stupid shit, you are more greatful for the time you spend together. Now try throwing 2 kids in that equation, tons of fun....
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So Mr.Flamingo and I have been dating for 5 years and a half, and hes been in school for a little more than half that time. I was happy that it was all coming to an end and that he could start contributing to our little 2-person family. (income wise)
Well he started working 2 weeks ago as a nurse and honestly hes been on the night shift ever since (11 at night til 7 am) so I sleep all alone, and barely see him.
I knew this was a possiblity... but finding it harder than I thought. Any of yous live the same situation where your partner works night shift and you seem to see eachother for a few hours a day and never sleep together?
I'm afraid this will affect our relationship in the long-run. Or maybe Im just paranoid. Its only been 2 weeks. Any advice to give me?
Im all ears...
thanks!!!