- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
We have our first “OMG WHY WASN’T SO-AND-SO INVITED WITH ME” situation. Sigh.
We sent our invitations out on July 8th. Our wedding is semi-destination for about 30% of our guests (not the guest in question), so I wanted them to have plenty of time to respond (RSVP deadline is August 31st). We kind of went a little crazy on our invites, we have all our vendor quotes laid out to expect 150 guests, but we invited 190. I know people say not to count on those 40 declining, but so far it looks like we’ll be on track for exactly that to happen (we have 72 yes’s and 10 no’s so far) although I wouldn’t be surprised if its more like 155-160, which is fine. So in short, Though there are maybe 10 more people I would like to invite (friends of ours who didn’t make the original guest list as we wanted FMIL’s friends to be able to come – she’s paying for 2/3 of the wedding), we decided to cut it out so we don’t go wildly overboard with attendance.
Anyway. On to the awkwardness that’s about to go down this weekend:
FMIL’s neighbor (we’ll call her J) is invited to our wedding at FMIL’s request (as is most of their neighbors, who all know each other well – maybe 10 people). When I was making the guest list, I asked FI and FMIL if she should get a +1. They told me no, she is a widow, so she would come alone. Fine. Sent her an invite for 1. Apparently she cornered FMIL the other day and was asking why we didn’t invite her daughter. Her daughter is an adult with downs syndrome that apparently lives with her. Um…. I have spent a lot of time at FMIL’s house, have only met this woman twice in the 4.5 years we have been together and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW SHE HAD A DAUGHTER. IMHO, J would not have been invited to the wedding at all had it not been for FMIL’s request, because I barely know her and she and FI aren’t super close. So anyway.
Apparently FMIL was super offended that J so rudely requested that her daughter be invited when I wasn’t even aware she existed, and just in principle its rude to corner someone that way. FMIL told me its up to me if I want to be a bitch or diplomatic about it (FMIL is all about being a bitch, HA!), but that she expects J to corner me this weekend at my bridal shower and ask me about it. ARGH. I plan to be polite, and to do the Bee thing and say, “I’m really sorry, there were many more people we wished we could have invited but we simply do not have the space for any extra guests” which is essentially true since we kind of went nuts inviting people. I honestly just don’t want people at the wedding that FI and I don’t know well (he says he has seen the daughter maybe twice ever). Its already going to be really big, with a few people on each side that the other hasn’t met, and I personally want to keep the guest list as small as possible at this point (my opinion on big weddings has evolved somewhat since we got engaged).
J will know plenty of people at the wedding (all the neighbors are friends and socialize regularly), so that’s not the issue. I also plan to seat them all together. The daughter is also perfectly capable of taking care of herself, as J often leaves the house to do things (errands, social outings, etc.) without her, so that’s not the concern here. And FMIL says I can’t say its financial reasons because she will just offer to pay for her.
I won’t be surprised if I somehow get bamboozled into her coming. I hate confrontation. Whomp. People…if you get an invite for one to a wedding, either RSVP no or come alone. Jeepers.