Post # 1
…but I think I am 🙁
FI & I got engaged 6 months ago and he proposed with a lovely ring – white gold, round solitaire diamond. It’s small – about .3 of a carat, no diamonds surrounding it, etc. At the time I told him I wanted a dainty ring, and that’s what I got.
It’s pretty and sparkly and I was so excited.
When I went to show it off to my friends, most did the “ooh” and “ahh” until one friend remarked “Wow. He couldn’t get you a bigger one??” in front of everybody. I was immediately embarrassed and mumbled something about wanting a small ring.
Another friend just got engaged and her ring is ENORMOUS – huge center stone, surrounding stones, sapphire, etc. It’s beautiful.
I HATE myself for being jealous now. I love my FI, I love the ring he gave me, but I find myself being embarrassed to show it off because it’s so much tinier than everyone else’s. I live in NY, in a part where everything is blingy and big, and my ring is very simple and small in comparison.
I would never say a word to FI and I don’t want a new ring because he picked THIS one for me. I just want to get over this insecure feeling. i’m afraid people are judging or secretly thinking what my friend said aloud.
I was thinking of getting a slightly blingier wedding band to jazz it up a bit. Is that horrible? I”m such a snobby materialistic witch. Ugh.
Post # 3
I can’t give you any advice other than to say that YOU shouldn’t feel embarrassed or mortified because your friend made that comment in front of people- SHE is the one who embarrassed herself by acting like an ass.
Comparing yourself to others ( in any capacity), can lead to a lifetime of disappointment and jealousy. If you want to bling it up with a band because YOU want to–go for it! If its to keep people from being asses, I would keep my lovely ring the way it is and they can kiss it.
Post # 4
@MrsCreeToBe: Your man gave you exactly what you asked for and exactly what you wanted, so he couldn’t have done any better! What your friend said to you was extremely rude and shame on her for embarrassing you like that. If YOU love your ring, don’t let yourself be disheartened by the mean things other people might think or say about it. What you have is a beautiful ring given to you by a man who loved you enough to honor your wishes. 🙂 Congratulations!
Post # 5
I felt the same way. I told myself I would never be one of those girls…until I got engaged. It’s a horrible feeling to be bummed out and then to have to battle with the guilt over your own feelings. I was honest with my fiance about how I felt, and we upgraded my stone. Many people would say I’m materialistic, but I want to look down and think warm fuzzy thoughts when I see my ring, not feel regret & then guilt over my feelings. I think getting blingy bands is a great solution! You could always consider upgrading your stone in the future to commemorate an anniversary or other special occasion, as well.
ETA: I also think it’s extremely crappy of someone to say that to you, and, if you love your ring, then you shouldn’t worry about what other people think.
Post # 6
It sounds like you were thrilled with the ring until someone planted that seed of doubt into your head. And whenever you compare it to larger rings, it’s going to grow and grow and make you feel awful.
I sympathize, because I really wanted a color stone ring over a diamond. I was over the moon with it, until someone made a degrading comment about not having a diamond means that it’s not “really” an engagement ring. Then I started to second-guess my decision. And look at diamond rings online. And think “oh no, why didn’t I ask for this instead?!” But I knew I was driving myself crazy, and that I really wanted the ring I got. I forced myself to stop comparing it, stop wondering what people thought, and especially to stop looking at other rings. A few months later, I fell in love with my ring all over again – because I was able to think clearly and remember why I wanted it in the first place.
I know it’s hard, but try to stop the comparisons or thinking about what others think about your ring. Remind yourself of why you wanted it in the first place. It looks like you’ve got plenty of time until your wedding. Give yourself some space before you start looking at wedding bands, so you can figure out on your own what you actually want, instead of feeling that pressure from others to have more bling or whatever.
Post # 7
You can’t compare your ring to everyone’s youre always going to see one you like better than your own. There are a lot of rings on here that I look at and think “Man I loooove that ring its beautiful” but then I realise mine is beautiful too and its from FI and his heart and soul went into picking out my ring. Don’t let one rude person ruin the joy you felt in your ring at the beginning.
What I would reccomend to you is getting and enhancer for your ring. They are gorgeous and act as your wedding band but they wrap around both sides of your ring and they are actually perfect for solitares. Just google r’ring enhancer’ and you’ll see what I mean I think youll really like them, it will give you that bling effect you are going for. Good luck
Post # 8
@Mrs_Amanda: Well said.
There is always going to be someone that has a bigger house, car, clothes, e-ring, whatever, than you. You will drive yourself crazy if you keep comparing your ring to others.
My e-ring is much smaller than that of my friends and co-workers, and I had some a$$es say some mean comments. You just have to learn to brush them off and that it makes them look like the idiots, not you.
Post # 9
“It sounds like you were thrilled with the ring until someone planted that seed of doubt into your head.”
This. And the way this “seed” works is by not only stealing your joy, but also compounding the problem by making you feel guilt and shame about the doubts that weren’t yours in the first place. Does that make sense?
Post # 10
I think smaller engagement rings are so beautiful, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks that! A smaller solitaire is so lovely, classic and feminine. For every person who might judge you, there are probably ten who think your ring is absolutely gorgeous. As long as you love it – and it sounds like you do! – just remember that’s all that matters.
Post # 11
Don’t let your friends snarky comment get you down. The ring you have is what you wanted so remember that your FI loves you that much to get you exactly what you wanted. If you still feel some ring envy, you can always get a solitaire enhancer or a blingy band like you said. Zales even has some great halo enhancers if you felt like you wanted to change it up with little cost.
Post # 12
Your reaction to their initial comments is going to be the biggest thing they base their judgments off of. If you act ashamed when they comment on the small size, they’re going to think your FI is a cheapskate and that he doesn’t deserve you, blah blah blah. (Which we all know isn’t true.) But if you confidently say that it’s the ring you love, or you have other financial priorities, or that the size of the ring doesn’t equate the size of the love, and you are confident, I can’t imagine who would judge you!
Next time someone says something kind of rude, I’d just quickly reply, “Well, that’s not how I think of it at all” or “That’s a little judgmental, don’t you think?” and then tell them why you love it.
Also, find some things you like about small rings! With a lower profile, it’ll catch on things less. You won’t be as terrified to lose it or misplace it, because it doesn’t cost as much as a new car. (Of course you still love it and don’t want to lose it, but I’d rather lose a $1k priceless treasure than a $30k priceless treasure… you know?) You won’t be as big a target of muggers, etc. You’ll be able to spend that money on something else. You and your FI will live more comfortably than if he’d poured several more thousand dollars into the rock on your hand.
I’m serious… if I found out my FI spent $15k on my ring, I’d be afraid to wear it and I’d be equally afraid to leave it at home!
Post # 13
You’re only woman, you can’t help it. Honestly though, I think that regardless of your ring size – somebody will have something to say that makes you self conscious. I was even the opposite; I got a good ol’ one carat, and my sister who has about a half carat showed up wearing a big fake ring in place of her engagement ring one night. I asked what that was about and she said, “I wanted to see what it felt like to have a big blingy ring like yours. I don’t think I like it.” Backwards compliment? I don’t know, but suddenly I started feeling like my ring was gaudy. And it’s only a carat!
If you’re confident in your reaction that it’s what you wanted, asked for, and love, everyone else will feel like they’re the materialistic one for mentioning it.
Post # 14
[Comment moderated for name calling] That comment she made was completely inappropriate and I don’t understand the nerve of some people to say something that messed up. Second, sounds like you loved your ring until other people started trying to make you feel inadequate. Why does their opinion matter? Thrid, he got that ring for you from the heart and picked out something he thought you wanted as a symbol of your love and future successful marriage. It is not a cocktail ring that is meant to show off to others in order for them to be jealous, impressed, or have some sort of response to it. It is really none of their business and your ring has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else’s ring. You can’t measure your love by how much bling is attached to it. In my opinion, if the first thing you think about when looking at the symbol of your love and commitment is how big or blingy the ring is, then the question would be do you even deserve that ring in the first place.
Post # 15
@FluffyFTW: I totally agree with you on this one!
Don’t let that doubt steal the joy of your ring, and what it stands for.
Post # 16
You love your ring and its what you wanted. My advice keep the ring upgrade the friend to a better one. What a stupid and bitchy thing to say.