Post # 1
So. I literally joined this site soley based on the need to vent about this topic. Here it is.
I have had a really hard time delegating the duty of “Bridesmaid” to my friends. My sister and best friend were a no-brainer, but all the others seem to be package deals…I dont want to ask one, but not another… Also, my Fiance already had his 4 groomsmen chosen when he was three or something (Thats not odd, right?). When it came down to it, I had four plus one. This one “Extra” was someone from HS whom I hadnt been especially close to. It was the kind of relationship that always picked up where it left off, but neither of us really worked on staying close. But in HS, we were inseperable. So. I asked her.
As it turns out, she was not happy with my choice in a mate. She didnt approve of our relationship based on religious reasons, but still agreed to be in the wedding. She didnt know I knew her position on the topic. Eventually it all came out. Not one single person has voiced a concern about my future but her. Everyone in our life has been so thrilled and supportive! Why cant she? In the ultimate showdown, I ended up asking her to please put her feelings aside for the day. She said she just couldnt hug me and say congratulations and truely mean it. (What?!) So. I asked her to decide if she really wanted to be in the wedding. She said it was up to me. I decided that I had a responsibility to stand up for my life, my decision and my fiance. Shes not going to be a bridesmaid…we are now have a symmetircal wedding party. I hate it. And I wish it were all different and lovely and peaceful. But it isnt.
I have been so laid back with the whole wedding process. I know every bride sees themselves as the non-bridezilla type, but I truely am. I am just so happy to be getting married to my best friend. This situation has put a damper on everything. I guess I just needed to vent. But, I think, everyone wants to know if they are making the right decision… So. What do you think?
Post # 3
WTH? She objects to your marriage for religious reasons? That is stinky, and I think you did the right thing. It is one thing to think the person is wrong for you if he is a bad person, or irresponsible, or a whole host of reasons. But because of her religion? Blah.
Post # 4
I think you made the right decision. You want people up there who 100% support you and your marriage to your Fiance. It doesn’t sound like this girl is happy for you at all, and it’s mostly for religious reasons. You are your own person and are able to make your own decisions. You don’t need her approval for your marriage, but you are able to decide who stands up there to support you.
Post # 5
And THIS is why i needed to post! Thanks. Even one comment makes me feel relief.
PS… Hes really wonderful… No felonies, or bad habits, or annoying friends. (Not that any of those make you unwedable..ha) He has a great job, a great family, a great outlook on life, and most of all a great heart. Should I also mention: We’ve known each other 10 years… Hes perfect for me.
Post # 6
You totally made the right choice. A true friend is someone who stands by you, not judge you. What religion is she that is causing ger to be so judgmental? Most religions I know of teach you not to judge! I think you are much better off without that negetivity bogging down your wedding day! And donlt worry about having uneven wedding attendents. Be happy you have ur best girls around you and you are marrying your love. Better you find this all out now than on ur wedding day.
Post # 7
I think you definitely did the right thing not having her in your wedding party! its one thing to have a guest in the audience who is having mixed feelings about the relationship, its totally different to have someone standing up there iwth you, supposedly supporting you, while really not supporting you at all!!
It is obviously a crappy situation, but I think you are way better off this way!
Post # 8
As far as I believe, she has no right to voice her discontent with your choice in a husband. I can’t imagine having the nerve to actually say the things she’s said. I have had friends who have ended up with people that I don’t necessarily like, but I’m not in their marriage, so how I feel doesn’t matter. And I just faked the funk on the wedding day. That’s what you do as a friend! I think you made the right decision to boot her. You need people that support you (and your FI) up there on that day.
Post # 9
I am so sorry that a friend you’ve been friends with for years would object based on religious reasons. It drives me crazy when people base opinions on religion instead of fact. Some people are so ridiculously close minded. I could understand if she chose to not pursue a relationship of her own based on religious differences but she isn’t entitled to an opinon of this for you or anyone else. You are your own person and it sounds like you have the support of plenty of important people in your life. I know it’s upsetting that she’s being this way, but don’t let her rain on your parade!
Post # 10
Ooooo that just burns me up! Where does she get off agreeing to be in the wedding if she doesn’t agree with your choice of mate. Fine, she doesn’t like him for whatever reason, but don’t agree to be in the wedding and then once everything comes out in the open make a remark like that! Ridiculous, in my opinion. You did the right thing in standing up for your relationship. I have a friend like this…a very toxic accquaintance who I was VERY close to in HS but after things came to light how she was I stopped communicating with. I decided not to even inviter her to the wedding.
As for the uneven parties, is there anyone else you can ask? A cousin, a niece (Jr. BM), another friend? Good luck!
Post # 11
I had a similar situation with a *religious* family member who apparently missed the part where you are supposed to leave the judging to “someone” else lol. I don’t know what happened specifically with you, but in my case she objected to us living together before marriage and I remember very similar remarks like “well, I can try my best to be happy for you but it won’t be authentic, etc…” – excuse me?? I’m 33, been married once before, and have a 9 year old son! You are willing to ruin our relationship over this issue? She put a damper on our entire relationship for a long time, made me question myself and damaged myself esteem – until I woke up and realized she had a MAJOR problem. If your former Bridesmaid or Best Man was truly religous, she would know better – it’s just another example of people using religion to justify bad behavior! I also decided against having this individual in the wedding (or even at the wedding, but that’s another story!). It sucks in the beginning but the farther away you get from the situation, the more you will realize you were right to stand up for yourself. There are certain relationships in life that are just kind of toxic and better to steer away from…that kind of negativity can wreak havoc on you. And don’t worry about being asymetrical – no one will remember or care, they will be focused on being happy for you guys!!
Post # 12
You made the right decision. You shouldn’t have someone standing up for you at your wedding who doesn’t believe in your relationship.
Post # 13
I would be uncomfortable too having a wedding with someone standing up there who didn’t approve of our marriage, seems like it would be bad mojo or vibes or whatever to dampen the day. The whole engagement period is supposed to help you get ready for a wedding and marriage, she can’t be a meaningful part of that if she doesn’t support the outcome.
Post # 14
as far as i am concerned, good riddance. its one thing to be concerned about a friend and voice those concerns, but when she comes and tells you shes in love and marrying the man of her dreams, as a friend, unless hes a serial killer its your job to be supportive. especially if you are in the bridal party. good riddance to the non-friend friend.
have a wonderful wedding like i am sure you will do!! 🙂
Post # 15
Wow I can’t believe some people! You definitely did the right thing but not having her in the bridal party. She doesn’t sound like a good friend at all and you do not want people up there with you who don’t support you. It’s not like he treats you badly, she just simply doesn’t agree with it for religious reasons and she has absolutely no right to impose her beliefs on your relationship. I’m sorry you were put in this situation though, but you should be really proud of yourself for standing up for your relationship!
Post # 16
She’s being a drama queen and is acting like a martyr to something that is not a cause.I would tell her that she needs to kick bricks because I don’t understand why someone would stand up with for and yet talk so badly about a marriage.