Post # 1
Okay…. here goes.
I have two brothers and my fiance has two brothers. I would LOVE to just have his and my brothers standing with us, but he also has a sister whom he is very close to and he would like to have her to stand with us as well.
This is fine, but now it won’t be even on both sides!! Last year I was the MOH for my close friend’s wedding. But I moved away, and though I try very hard to stay in touch with her, she never returns my calls and barely returns my texts. We still have so much in common and she’s a true friend regardless if we talk or not.
I have told her we are going to get married and she will want to be at least a bridesmaid if not a MOH…. But I honestly don’t want any women up there with me at all. And if I did have someone with me I would prefer my sister-in-law to be…. so that when my kids look at the pictures they will personally know all of our wedding party.
We are having a very small, very exclusive wedding ceremony…. How do I include my friend without offending her or settling for having her stand with me??
Post # 3
my aunt got married with no BMs or MOH. the pictures are incredible. there were like 13 GMs..so all these guys in black tuxes and then her in the middle in all white. very cute pics…she has 3 sisters, and none of them were in the wedding. lots of people were offended though..heads up that FSIL is gonna think you black-balled her being in her brothers wedding…choose your battles…
Post # 4
Can you have your friend do a reading at your wedding? Since you don’t want to have BM’s, that way your friend is included….maybe you could have FSIL do a reading too…so she’s "included" and not feeling slighted.
My guy has 9 siblings, and honestly if I could, I would ask 3 of his sisters and 1 of his brothers to be in our bridal party, but I know the others would be hurt to be left out…soooo….I’m just having my closest girl friends as my BM’s and he’ll have his closest friends as his GM. That way we didn’t choose some & not others, it’s an all or nothing approach for us 🙂
Post # 5
Don’t worry– lots of wedding parties are uneven these days (mine is)! I wouldn’t add your friend just for the sake of making things even, if you don’t want her as a BM/MOH. If you want to include her in some way, perhaps have her do a reading? It’s definitely good that you’re not trying to block your FI from including his sister– I think it’s sometimes a little too easy to forget that it’s his wedding too when our FI’s make requests that don’t fit into exactly what we have in mind… 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 6
It doesn’t sound like you should feel obligated to ask your friend, especially if you don’t want any women. However with all other siblings standing up, I really think you should ask FI’s sister. Who cares if it’s uneven?
If it was me I would probably have FSIL and my brothers. Then FI would have his brothers on his side. In fact if I would go ahead and say FSIL would be MOH. You could leave her as BM, with no MOH. But really if she is the only girl, she’s probably going to do all the MOH duties
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about the sides being even, especially since you want to stick with family in the bridal party. And I think it’s easy enough to tell your friend that you’re going with just family for the bridal party for various reasons. If it’s important to your FI to have his sister up front, on either your side or his side, by all means put her in your bridal party. It’s his wedding too and if they’re close enough that he really wants her a part of the bridal party, I think that wins over you not wanting to have women in your bridal party, kwim? What if you were in a situation where your FI had all sisters and just wanted girls in the wedding party and no guys, telling you that you couldn’t have your brothers up front with you? I think when you think of it that way, it will likely be obvious to you that his sister should be included.
Post # 8
Just tell her you’re only havng family. Just cuz you’re in her wedding doesn’t mean she has to be in yours.
Just have uneven sides, it doesn’t matter that much. But including your FSIL would be nice. I don’t see how you could include your brothers, his brothers, and not his sister just because she’s a woman? I don’t like that idea, and i’m sure she will feel very left out and hurt.
Post # 9
Just invite your friend to the wedding and say the bridal party is family. No biggie. Are you closer to his brothers or something? Why do you want the brothers and not the sister? I think I am missing a part of this story…
Post # 10
For fear of your friend and possibly even your FSIL feeling snubbed, would you consider having the two of them as BMs and all your brothers at GM? Then, when they all walk in each girl can walk with two guys and it won’t look funny.
Post # 11
Thanks so much for everyone’s input! It was really helpful but I think I was a little bit unclear in my explanation. I will DEFINITLY have his sister up there and standing on his side…. But what I meant by I’d rather have his SIL standing by me than my friend was – his oldest brothers wife. So we’d have his actual sister by him and then HIS sister-in-law (soon to be mine too) standing by me.
This way pictures will be even too! I liked what ejs4y8 said about "just tell her your having only family." That should save some feelings I think.
A couple people suggested having my friend do a "reading?" I’m a little confused on what a reading is…if someone could explain that would be great.
Also I’m in live in Las Vegas and the wedding will be somewhere by my parent’s home in Iowa where my friend lives… is there anyway that I can include her in some of the wedding preparation?
Post # 12
I love your solution! When I first read your post and you said "my sister-in-law to be" I thought you were referring to FI’s sister. I’m glad you’re including his sister, and it sounds like you’ve got the perfect solution to keep the sides balanced and keep it in the family.
Post # 13
oneo f my dear friends (and BM’s) is getting married in july and only have family stand up: 4 brothers on her side and two brothers and two sisters on his side.
Much easier to say "we just decided to have family stand up for us, but we hope you can still be a part of our day" and have your friend be a personal attendant, etc.
I wouldn’t be offended if it was an all family bridal party!