(Closed) I Promise I love my FMIL…But she is Annoying me…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m actually shocked and amazed that you were willing to put off your wedding over a HS graduation! If my Mother-In-Law had asked for us to do that I would have lost it.

I think if she wants to make things wait, you should tell her that while you’re excited for FSIL’s graduation, a wedding is more important and is still your priority. (Better if your Fiance can/will tell her). She won’t like it, but it’s the honest-to-goodness truth. Plus, who needs a whole summer in the spotlight for graduationg HS???? Gradusting high school isn’t even a big accomplishment. It’s practically a given.

Post # 4
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve got to be honest – I kind of understand where she’s coming from.  This is an exciting time for your Future Sister-In-Law, maybe the most important thing she’s done in her life so far.  If I were her, I’d be pretty upset about being told that it isn’t important because my brother is getting married.  Perhaps asking you to put off the wedding was a financial request – like they can afford to do one big thing at a time.  It was very nice of you guys to honor that request.  Perhaps wait until AFTER the actual graduation to go dress shopping/dive into wedding planning?  I would think Future Mother-In-Law would be more receptive to it after Future Sister-In-Law has had her day/month to shine.

Post # 5
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

She does seem to be being kinda lame :/ I think you just need to get on with preparing for your wedding and if she can’t work around that then her loss?


Hope she gets a little easier on you XD And at least it’s better to vent on the bee than end up having a massive go at her! Good luck with everything :3

Post # 6
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can understand Future Mother-In-Law being excited for her daughter’s HS graduation.  And it was very nice of you to put off your wedding due to her concerns.  But you should be able to start planning your wedding whenever you want to.  You don’t need to wait until she graduates to go dress shopping.  If Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want to be involved right now, so be it.  It’s your wedding, and you can choose to plan now or choose to wait.  You have accommodated her already by changing the date.  You are allowed to be excited and start planning!!!!

Post # 8
7420 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@yippee62913:  ITA! Frankly I’d go shopping without her. I get it her daughters milestone stones are a big deal, but asking to postphone your wedding for a graduation… Ridiculous. But its already been done. I would move forward with all your planning.

Post # 9
1113 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Fortunately for me, FH is the baby of his family…the last one living at home still…so his mom is totally game to help with wedding stuff. And very supportive.

BUT his older sister is having a baby. She’s due TEN DAYS before the wedding. So Future Mother-In-Law is splitting excitement between baby and wedding. :/ I am thrilled for our new family dynamics but it is still kind of sad that she can’t come to some of the showers, etc. because of baby related things. I guess they are both big deals.

I’m trying not to be selfish but…it’s kind of hard! I can only imagine having the same feeling about a HIGH SCHOOL graduation! Ha!

Post # 10
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Why is it only one thing can be celebrated at a time?  That seems silly to me.  Future Sister-In-Law will have her “time to shine” and people will be happy and excited to congratulate her on her accomplishment.  But, that doesn’t mean other life events don’t go on and can’t be planned or celebrated to follow.  What would happen if you guys get pregnant (pending you want kids) the year Future Sister-In-Law gets engaged?  Can you not talk about the pregnancy? 

I can definitely see your frustration and would definitely be venting too.  Hang in there.  If she doesn’t make the dress shopping, then maybe it’s just for the best.  Don’t put all your plans on hold b/c she is having difficulty accepting multiple exciting things going on.

Post # 11
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can see that you love her trying to please her in every way shape and form, but are you sure that she loves you?  Seems like she’s pretending that you’re not part of the fam and that trying to postpone it from hapening.  This year it’s a graduation, next year it could be a retirement, the year after tha a death in the family, oh other events can happen and undoubtedly will, it’s life and events happen and more than one event happen in the same year…

Post # 12
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Is the graduating daughter the youngest? If so I imagine that this is the beginnings of your Future Mother-In-Law empty-nesting. 

Next time she makes a comment about that I would tell her that there’s plenty of love to go around! It sounds like she’s letting her anxiety get the best of her. 

Post # 13
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It was very good of you to change your wedding date, especially since FSIL’s “time to shine” would pretty much be over by mid-June. You have been more than accommodating to your Future Mother-In-Law. I certainly would not be changing any other wedding plans, I would NOT invite her (or even let her know) about shopping for a dress and above all else –  I would NEVER change career or educational plans!

Post # 14
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You’ve got to do what makes sense. You aren’t stealing FSIL’s thunder by inviting Future Mother-In-Law to things like dress shopping. If she can’t make it because she wants to sit around thinking about her daughter’s prom and graduation instead of being involved in your planning, that’s HER choice. Honestly, I find it REALLY hard to believe that the events associated with senior year are truly consuming all her time and energy. And don’t forget, it’s YOUR choice to include her in planning in the first place! She’s lucky that you are able and willing to include her. I adore my Future Mother-In-Law, but she lives over 2000 miles away. I would have loved to include her in fun planning trips, but it was not possible. It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law lacks perspective on both the graduation and her role in your planning. You need to think about what’s most reasonable for you, extend invitations as you see fit, and shrug off any complaints. 

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