- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
My FH and I have been engaged for about 3 months now so it doesn’t come up as often as before, but our engagement story is kind of embarrassing for me! It isn’t even a good story, but rather an awkward and unsatisfying anicdote.
I decided to ask him to marry me.
Over a couple of weeks, I looked for matching bands and ordered simple titanium rings, which weren’t too expensive ($80 for both) just in case I freaked out and decided not to tell him about them – ever. I have always been really bad about saving presents for people because I love giving gifts so having to keep these hidden and not mention anything about them to anyone was making me an anxious, emotional mess.
Being the one who asked made me appreciate all the people out there who carry the ring around waiting for the right time, or who set up elaborate proposals without giving it away, because it was hard for me. I didn’t tell anyone beforehand because I was worried about the negative feedback from people and I didn’t want to deal with that – even though I was very sure about the decision, I didn’t want anyone’s opinions to make me question myself.
It was our anniversary (not a real anniversary since I make a point to celebrate every month, but it was at the 2 years and 9 months mark) and we weren’t doing anything special. It was a Saturday so there was a lot of watching TV, lying on the bed with our cat, and snacks. After reading next to each other in the bed for a while, I left the room and got the rings from my craft closet and came back in the room. (I had the rings for about 3 days at this point and couldn’t wait to let him know. I really did plan out elaborate scenarios and romantic hidden photographers, but that clearly didn’t happen!) Now he knows I am acting more emotional than usual and just being weird, like how people act when they want to say something, but need some sort of encouragement. I don’t even know what I said, but I sat next to him on the bed and started crying, basically. He asked what I had in my hand and I opened my hand to show him the 2 rings while sobbing “I heard that when the woman proposes, she gets a ring too”….smooth. He took the rings and looked at them and pieced it together, thankfully (since I wasn’t being coherent) and he talked about how surprised he was and that he was actually thinking about asking me to marry him lately. After all this goes on for 10 minutes or so, I realized that I never really asked him to marry me, so I threw that in between sobbing and blowing my nose on our bed, to make it official lol. He had to work in a couple of hours and we didn’t do anything out of the ordinary afterwards. He played some games and I crafted and thought about my Pintrest wedding board I could finally use.
Reflecting on being newly engaged
I love being engaged because people seem to be genuinely happy for you and they reminisce about their own weddings and you get to throw a party about your love basically, but it also brings out some weird things in people. When people hear that I was the one who proposed it is mostly positive “good for you” kind of thing or my favorite “look at you, 21st century woman!” from my dress consultant, but a couple of people (that I am really close to actually) have said stuff like “wtf, that’s the man’s job , “where is your ring/when will you get your ring/etc.” and “why?” In fact, when we looked at rings at Jared’s the woman refused to acknowledge our titanium bands as engagement rings, she called them “promise rings.” I was surprised that those kind of comments affected me so much, but then I realized that most decisions you make about the wedding will be questioned. Maybe the story will be sweet in 10 years, but right now I am tired of my mom going around to everyone at family events saying “tell them how you proposed, it is so funny!” Even my FH said he felt a little embarrassed to have a wedding band on for the engagement, but that didn’t last long, because he thinks it is cool that I asked.
He gave me a ring several weeks later. It was his great grandmother’s and he really surprised me with it. He placed the box next to me while we were laying in bed one day – we apparently spend a lot of time sitting on the bed lol.
Anyways, does anyone else have a less-than-story-worthy proposal? Of course it is a great thing, but there seems to be pressure to have some amazing and romantic story about the proposal!