- Mr. Coffee
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Growing up in the coffee family household was never a picnic. Do you remember the episode of Punky Brwester, when Cherry got locked in the refrigerator and nobody could find her? Well, that’s the best way to describe what it was like to live in the Coffee house… like being trapped in a very small space and no way out!
I have one older brother, one younger brother, one older sister, and one younger sister… making me the middle child. Everyday was something new; like watching horrible after school specials, ‘Becky is not Eating’, ‘Mommy Doesn’t Love Me Enough’, or even ‘Peter is Taking Too Many Showers in Day”. Honestly, I’m amazed and shocked that my parents never lost their minds!
I’m a 32 years old man who is engaged to be married next fall. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Miss Coffee; however, what I don’t have the answer to yet is… do I want kids? The good news, both of us (Miss Coffee & I) are on the same page when it comes to having kids… just not sure. We both agreed to remain open to the idea and possibly after being married, this area will become clear to us.
Here is what I do know:
When I was ten years old, my parents left me at a gas station! We had a station wagon at the time and my dad was taking the whole family camping. After stopping for gas, I announced that I had to go to the little boy’s room. My dad said “well hurry up” and pointed to the direction of the bathroom. Minutes later I returned to find… no station wagon & no Coffee family in sight!
The worst part, it wasn’t until 30 minutes down the road that my older sister Penny asked my parents where I was! You heard me correctly, not 5 minutes… not 15 minutes… 30 Minutes later!!! Do you know what goes through a 10 year old kid’s mind after being left at some back road gas station??? Do know what it’s like to be 10 years old and have a 176 year old woman with no teeth say “it’s ok kid, you can live with me”???
My little brother always had a knack for sticking random items up his nose; little toy cars, crayons, penny’s… anything he could get his hands on. One time, neighborhood kids dared him to stick as many Pussy Willow buds (soft, grayish, fur-like buds) up his nose within one minute. My brother stupidly accepted the dare; one minute later, had successfully shoved over a dozen buds up his nose! My parents had to take him to the hospital to have 6 of them professional removed!!!
My older sister had a house party one time, while my parents took us younger kids on a trip. During this party, somebody thought it would be an awesome idea to fill my parents master bathroom bathtub up with beer! This one act caused a negative chain reaction in a series of other stupid ideas. These ideas include but were not limited to, successfully covering every inch of the kitchen ceiling with pasta noodles, puking in my parents bed, and completely shattering my parents brand new $900 glass & whicker coffee table!
Yours truly was found guilty of the following acts:
Placing a dead mouse in my older sister’s purse
Placing a garden snake in my older sister’s bed
Jumping on my parent’s brand new waterbed with a fork… I’m sure you can guess the unfortunate outcome of that one!!!
Once as my little brother was coming out of the shower and heading back to his room; I yanked the towel from him and pushed him out the front door… onto our front lawn. I locked the door behind, opened a window and started shouting “everybody come look at the naked boy do his naked dance”!
My father grounded me for 2 weeks after a horrible fight we had about cutting the lawn. I believe the conversation went as follows:
My Dad – You are not going anywhere until you finish cutting the entire lawn.
Me – I’ll do whatever I want! You make me do everything around here!!!
My Dad – I don not and stop acting like a son of b*tch!
Me – You do realize… that you just called mom a b*tch???
(long, long moment of silence)
My Dad – you’re grounded for 2 weeks
I was suspended for 2 days in high school for calling my music teach “a horrible fat cow” and went on to say “the only reason your mean is because you’re lonely and only have 6 cats to go home to”
Side note: I still feel very badly about saying that. However, in my defense… she did have 6 cats!
My dad once had to pick me up from a bar (at the age of 16) after I successfully was granted entrance and proceed to have some middle age woman buy my drinks all night. It wasn’t until after the 4th drink; when I puked on her shoes… that I said “sorry about that, I’m only sixteen”.
Do I want kids? Ummmmmm…. can I get back to you???
EDIT – At what point did you decide you wanted kids with your partner, did you decide not to have kids and maybe that changed after marriage? Did you never imagine having kids until you met your partner? Do you even want kids?